nowme

I am trying to quit drinking and using drugs. I have been trying for the last 25 years without success. I always relapse, but I continue to try. I am now facing time in jail after my last relapse. I have never been to jail and I am freaking out. I am emotionally, physically, mentally sick of this life but I do not know how to live sober. When I think I am doing well, I fail. This time I gave failed and caused much grief and embarrassment on my family and most of all my husband. I am now stuck in my house and have no way to get to any meetings. Now that I finally made my mind up to go to one I can't. If anyone is reading this and debating whether to go to a meeting Go! Do not be a prideful snob like me, because I sure do wish I would have reached out to someone and not relapsed. I am very much alone and desperate. That is why I am on this site to get some support from people like me.

fantail

Hi Nowme,

Welcome! I used this site as an alternative to meetings and it's worked wonderfully for me so far. It's great that you're here. I'm sorry your path has been so rough up til now but you're making the right decision for your future.

nowme

Hi Fantail, thank you. I am using this site as an alternative to meetings right now and it has helped. The hardest part of my day is from 2pm- 6pm. Since I lost my job it has been really hard. I would start drinking around 2 if I had the day off, often I would wake up and go grab a beer. I'm happy that is not happening now. It is crazy how I could go from 12 beers a day to 0. I'm happier when I'm not drinking, especially when I can remember everything! I would take a lot of Xanax and drink. I hate to say this but 2 of my previous doctors no longer are practicing due to their shady behavior. I was bummed out because they prescribed my Xanax, and I would have to go find another doctor. When it happened the second time I thought I need to get off this stuff. I'm so glad I did. Sorry, that was a side note... But I am so happy that I could not get anymore. I was ruining my life with it.

gmanriley

Ah yes, the xanax and beer combo. Been there.
Thank God I smartened up...and it sounds like you did too.
Stay strong nowme.

nowme

Thanks gmanriley,I'm truly thrilled to be off the Xanax. I would always run out before it was time for my next refill. It took me 15 yrs. to smarten up, never going back to that poison!

gmanriley

Wise decision.
Isn't it amazing how we can deliberately poison ourselves, over and over and over again?
Some people never smarten up and end up paying the ultimate price...
but not us.
Good luck to you nowme.

nowme

I'm sticking with my yoga and hot tea. I went out and bought a bunch of different decaf tea. Chamomile and Valerian are my night time teas.

Missy7

You know, it's very likely someone from AA will come get you. I am assuming you can't drive, but you can leave can't you?

nowme

Yes, I can leave. I live pretty far out in the country. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. I had to take a cab to work once and it cost me 25$ one way. The meetings are farther than that job was, as now I no longer have a job. I want to get a bike, but my husband is fearful that I will get hit by a car. The roads are pretty narrow and He is really into safety. I really like this site, it has been very helpful. Thank you everyone!!! I moved here in 2006 and it is really hard to make friends at my age. I don't have kids nor do I go to church so that makes it even harder. I wish I could move back to Nashville. There are so many meetings and so many more people that I can relate to, I have a greenhouse business here with my husband and 4 dogs so we can't just up and move, but I wish I could, for sobriety's sake.

Bruce292

I've found this site to be very helpful. Sometimes, when I'm down, just reading the kind postings lifts my spirits. You mentioned Yoga. I'm taking classes in meditation and it's like a new world is opening up. Yoga is another form of focus/meditation. I think it's wonderful that you're doing that. I'm only six weeks sober. I was well into the alcohol/sedative trap when something inside snapped and I just couldn't do it anymore. Hang in there!

Alynn0788

welcome to sr

DisplacedGRITS

You know, it can't hurt to contact some AA people and see about hosting a meeting at your house. There may be people close to you that need somewhere local to meet. Basically, you don't know if you don't ask around. The worst that can happen is that people say they can't make it. Then you will know that you tried.