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Sitting here frozen, not able to do anything

Old 05-06-2013, 01:17 PM
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Sitting here frozen, not able to do anything

Hi, I have been on a roller coaster for a very long time. I have been doing drugs and alcohol most if my life. I went to rehab April 1, relapsed April 30 and have been sober since May 1 only because my husband is watching me like a hawk. He can drink and do other things in moderation and I cannot. Now, I lost my job, my car and soon to be my freedom. I have a bunch of things to do but I cannot seem to get off my lazy butt and do anything. I will start cleaning and just stop in the middle of doing something. Around my house everything is partial done. Like my sobriety I leave things half finshed or half unfinished depending how you look at it. My question how can I get out of this rut and start finishing things? I just go and sit in front if the tv or play with my dogs. My dogs are my world right now. Does anyone else feel "frozen" unable to complete tasks? I had to resign from my job, which helped keep me sober for 29 days now I really want to use but I can't. I can't do anything. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:35 PM
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Maybe right now, focus on just staying sober. Those unfinished tasks aren't going anywhere. The only task you need to complete right now is your recovery.

When I finally got clean and sober this last time, I realized the extraordinary lengths I would go through to stay high, yet I never applied those efforts into my recovery...until September of 2010. Once recovery was as important to me as maintaining my addiction used to be, I did whatever was needed.

You'll be surprised what you will accomplish as you stay sober. Good luck.
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:41 PM
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First, let's try not to worry about all that other stuff you got cooking. Your only goal should be to remain clean and sober. Your husband watching you like a hawk will not do it. YOU have to want to do this. Here is what I did in the beginning. I made a list of things I liked to do. Be it reading, walking, wood working, painting, you get the point. Doesn't have to be dull stuff, anything that does not involve drugs or alcohol. Then I tried to structure my day. Just because you need to focus on your recovery does not mean you get to sit on your ass all day. Hard at times to get moving but sometimes if it is in writing right in front of your face it helps. Good luck.
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Old 05-06-2013, 01:53 PM
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Thank you so much for your advice!! I know that I want to be sober. I do not want to go back to the life I had. After getting out of rehab I thought I would never go back to using but like I stated I did. My family and friends could not believe it. I was as dumbfounded as they were. It was like I was not in my own skin, like I have a split personality, but I don't. I don't have any excuse for my action except I wanted to get a buzz. It was completely selfish and uncalled for .,. I mean everything was going great, and I have no reason for doing it. Everyone keeps trying to figure out why? There is no answer. I'm tired of trying to explain, there was not a certain reason other than I did not want to be sober, stupid and selfish I know. I cannot make up a reason to justify it and that is what everyone wants. I need to focus on me and not worry about what others say. When people try to get an answer, especially my husband I get very frustrated and angry.
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:15 PM
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Remember that we are dealing with alcohol/drugs, cunning, baffling and powerful. It is hard for people around us to understand the WHY? My wife really struggled and when she looks at still kind of shakes her head. It is one of the reasons why I talk to other alcoholics who do understand. You were right when you said you need to focus on yourself because your only real answer is because you are an addict and alcoholic. That is the answer you need to give yourself.
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:17 PM
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There is no "Why?" for an addict. That is like asking someone "Why did you get cancer?" Oh, alright, there may be triggering events but why just does not compute. When I got out of rehab the house was just as I left it. Same dirt, fruit and vegetables that had rotted in place, dust everywhere, unwashed dishes... OK, my husband was devastated, and very supportive of me, but I was a little shocked at the mess.

I have come to regard that as a sign that I did have a place in our life, and while I can't do everything, I have been able to do a little each day. Even if that meant nothing more than washing one plate. That is enough in the beginning. It will give you a sense of accomplishment. Time will take care of the rest as you do what you need to do to stay sober.
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:26 PM
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It was like I was not in my own skin, like I have a split personality...

In a sense you are. You are dealing with a malady which will 'make us' do incredibly insane things. Not least, continuing to use/drink when every fiber of our being insists that it will do us no good. And often we will get high/drunk just at the wrong moment, usually when we have a lot to loose by doing so. It is the 'insanity' of addiction. And you are not alone, it is the common thread (amongst many) which we all have. I certainly did. In fact I still do. I will be prone to having the occasional compulsion to drink, perhaps for the rest of my life. The ONLY think you have to concern yourself with is staying clean and sober. Make that your life's mission.

With regards to not completing things. I once read that people who start something, but do not complete it do this for a psychological reason. I used to paint a lot. However I would hardly ever finish my paintings. I read that by not finishing them.... and trying to get them seen by a wider audience, I was protecting the fantasy that I could be a successful artist. If I finished my paintings, and they were rejected I would begin to believe that I was not talented enough. However, by never finishing them (or attempting to have them seen by people), I could retain the fantasy that I 'could have' or 'might have' been a great artist.
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:52 PM
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The house chores are not going anywhere at all. They will patiently wait for you. I create lists of things that need to be accomplished, and then one by one I tackle the projects. What if you turned off the Television, and put on some music. Make some coffee, and start to organize one corner of your environment. You can do this!
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by nowme View Post
Thank you so much for your advice!! I know that I want to be sober. I do not want to go back to the life I had. After getting out of rehab I thought I would never go back to using but like I stated I did. My family and friends could not believe it. I was as dumbfounded as they were. It was like I was not in my own skin, like I have a split personality, but I don't. I don't have any excuse for my action except I wanted to get a buzz. It was completely selfish and uncalled for .,. I mean everything was going great, and I have no reason for doing it. Everyone keeps trying to figure out why? There is no answer. I'm tired of trying to explain, there was not a certain reason other than I did not want to be sober, stupid and selfish I know. I cannot make up a reason to justify it and that is what everyone wants. I need to focus on me and not worry about what others say. When people try to get an answer, especially my husband I get very frustrated and angry.
Did rehab not tell you to go to AA/NA when you were released ??

I hope you have read AA's HOW IT WORKS and understand what it is saying.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 05-06-2013, 02:58 PM
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Untidyness is not the issue. Staying sober is the foundation- in time other things can improve when you are able to focus on them
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Old 05-06-2013, 04:00 PM
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Yes, I was told to go to AA and NA. I live I. A small town and worked at a school. I was embarrassed to go to meetings because I did not want to see any of the parents of my students there. It is suppose to be anonymous, but in this town it is not, I know from experience. Yes, it was a big mistake and I should have went. There is only one building to go to and I went to meetings before I started the job at the school. I did not resonate with anyone there. I hated going and hearing people's stories and not getting any support. It just seemed the same people said the same stuff. Now I do not have a way to get there and I live way out in the country. I probably sound like I'm full of excuses and I probably need to call someone and get a ride to a meeting. I don't think my husband would be ok with that. He is pretty controlling and was happy that I did not go to the meetings. I think, I may just feel like that. He said he would take me to meetings but there is only one a day in this tow and pretty far away. I have really complicated his life enough and don't want to bother him with chauffeuring me around. I have court tomorrow, may 13 and May 14 all on different charges. I have spent a lot of money on lawyers so I really do t want to put him out anymore. I don't have any friends or family here so it pretty much is terrible. I do have an AA book so I will take your advice and start reading it. I need to get out of this self pity, things could be much worse.
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Old 05-06-2013, 06:47 PM
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Hi nowme,

IMHO; What you're going thru is pretty common. ( leaving projects part-way through)

Upcoming court dates always had a way of driving my anxiety way up,
........and my attention span way down.

One thing that helped me , (getting stuff done) was not to define a short term goal as in completing a project, but set up a goal of " I'm going to work on this for ; say, 2 hours "

I may finish it today, maybe not.

That way, I wasn't dissappointed if the project took longer, since I'd achieved the "time " goal.

if you're anything like me, tv can be a huge distraction.

Good luck in court tomorrow !
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Old 05-06-2013, 07:31 PM
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I think it's important to do some tasks every day, something that gives you a small sense of accomplishment. I was very low in early recovery, but I made a list each day and managed to cross off something. It made me feel better about myself at the end of the day. It's those small successes that propel you forward in recovery.
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Old 05-06-2013, 09:00 PM
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Thanks Anna, I did clean my kitchen and made a really nice dinner. It took me most if the day I was happy that I did accomplish something. Thanks to everyone who responded to this post. I joined this group last night. I am happy that I did.
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Old 05-06-2013, 09:36 PM
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Thanks Topspin on wishing me luck in court. I am 43 and have never been in so much trouble. Could it be that I'm having a midlife crisis? Trying to make light of it,sorry It is very strange. ???
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