Long-timers: Do you still ever think about drinking?
 

I'm on night 7 and am feeling a lot better. It seems to get a little easier every day. There are times during the day where I really don't even want to drink at all, and then there are times, like happened tonight, where the hard core cravings kick in and I am tested. Where it is really a struggle not to drink.

My question is, for those that have a decent period of sobriety, like maybe over a year: Is it still a struggle not to drink ever? For example, earlier I was thinking, I'm not addicted to oxycotin. I don't ever think about doing it. If someone offered it to me, it wouldn't be too hard to turn them down. It never even occurs to me to take it. Well, that's how I want it to be with alcohol, like it was before I became an alcoholic. Does it ever become like that again, or do you still have to constantly remind yourself and struggle to fight the urge?

I know I'll always be an alcoholic, and the day I forget that might put me that much closer to a drink. But that's not really what I am saying. I'm just saying the daily struggle not to drink - does it go away? I just feel like I'm white knuckeling it a lot of the time, forcing myself not to drink. I know Im only on day 7, but I'm impatient and want this obsession to go away now!

Another think I realized today is that my problem is not just alcohol. Of course, once I take one drink, I can't stop. That is alcoholism. But I also realize I have a sober problem - I guess a "me" problem. I'm just not a very content person. Anyway, thx

I can't remember that last time I thought about drinking, and no - that struggle not to drink is long gone mirage74 :)

I can remember not quite believing that when I heard it too, way back in the early days - but I had faith... and things happened just like people said they would :)

stick with it :)

D

Well, I'm at the 7 month point. Not a year but I'll chime in. The answer for me is...kind of. The drinking dreams are rare by this point. I don't crave it in any conventional sense. The closest I come to "missing it" is during moments of ennui. That's a fancy French word meaning basically "an existential sense of boredom". Occasionally, now that the drama of drinking is gone, there are "what now?" moments. Life is just life now.

But I don't think of drinking in the sense of "F**k it, I'm gonna drink!" I think of it in a contemplative way. Alcohol used to be the means and the end. It was something to do that filled my time, and the thing I looked forward to while doing everything else. Now I have to face the fact that the same amount of time exists but must be filled in another way.

I don't know if this helps, but it's how I feel now.

I have no urges ,
The last one i had was 8 months ago at the end of my first sober summer and country pubs were "calling" me .. In the end i thought about going to the country pub and having a lemonade , it didn't appeal so i knew it was my addiction/complusion trying to ambush me .

I don't drink , i don't smoke , to me drinking seems as barmy as me smoking these days , for me the consequences cost far too much in relation to whatever marginal beneft i might percieve , and now days i see no benefit in those drugs at all .

night 7 :You_Rock_

Bestwishes, M

P.S. day 611 btw

Those white knuckle days passed really quickly for me, but everyone's different. Still, in a few weeks time I'm guessing they won't interfere with your life too much.
After the cravings pass, you'll need to be wary of the terribly reasonable Alcoholic Voice which will try and convince you you're not a true alcoholic and can go back to moderate drinking.

Just by the fact that you're on this site; doesn't that mean you have thought about drinking?

People come here for lots of different reasons dbskid...some people are looking for help, others are looking to help :)

D

Thanks for the responses. I just notice people who don't seem to be obsessed with drinking. I'll see someone walking the dog at 7pm. Or doing yard work. Or out to eat, drinking ice tea. I look at them with envy, like, they don't look like they are even thinking about alcohol right then. I know that's judging people from the outside, but I just know how obsessed my life has become with alcohol. There was very little I wanted to do that didn't involve drinking. I've just forgotten what's it's like to not be an alcoholic. Like when I was younger. It just worries me that the rest of my life I'll have this dark cloud hanging over me, stuggling not to drink.

Yeah - but remember - it may feel long, but it's been a week :)
I drank for years - getting over that way of living and thinking takes a while, I think.

There are no short cuts for journeys that are really important :)

D

For me I am at 9 months and the urges are different and fewer than they were when I first quit. The first 3 months were the worst for me. Some days I got by a minute at a time.

The longer you are sober and the more knowlegde you pick up on how to deal with these urges will definately help.

This isn't going to happen overnight. I know it definately didn't for me, but I am much stronger now than I was 7 months ago. Just don't give up and just get by one day at a time if you have to.

When I first quit, all I could think about was either drinking or not drinking.

I can say that now, at a little over 2.5 hears, I do not stuggle with not drinking. I just don't drink. If I think about drinking, it is not as a temptation, but as just a thought, which I can view objectively, as something I did, not something I want to do.

There is no way an alcoholic in or
out of recovery never ever have
thoughts of alcohol. Especially when
society, advertizements, displays of
it on tv, billboards, stores, paper
are non stop visable for the human
eye to see.

With 22yrs. sobriety I would be in
denial if I said alcohol after these yrs.
didn't invade my memory.

Today, however, I use those special,
useful tools and knowledge of my alcoholism
in early recovery to ward off those dangerous
thoughts or desires to possibly ever drink
successfully like many can do.

I know for myself that I can never drink
like that and be happy, joyous and free
like I absolutely do today.

So, again today, I don't romanitize or
wish, or hope I can sit down with a nice
glass of poison and it not affect me
mentally, emotionally, physically like
a normal human being can. Because
the fact is, I couldn't yrs. ago when I
first took a sip of alcohol and I can't
today thanks to living and encorperating
a program of recovery in my everyday
affairs.

I never think about drinking, I never have an urge to. I do remain aware of the damage alcoholism caused in my life, and vigilant about the power of dependence and addiction. I stay connected to this site for mostly selfless reasons, to share my experience and provide guidance and encouragement. Alcoholism and everything surrounding it was a huge part of my life for a very long time, and I feel a sort of kinship and connectedness with the community here and otherwise. That's why I "stay".

No, it doesn't.

Like Dee, I've been in recovery for many years and I have no urges to drink at all. I come here because recovery (which is much more than not drinking) is part of my daily life.

Nah, not too much... Sure, the occasional twinge... Went fishing for the weekend (awesome weather and beautiful country :)) with a beer drinker... He had a cooler full of beer and I had my diet coke and gummy bears, LOL... Once over the weekend, I thought that it looked good, but it passed quickly and had no impact at all on my weekend....

FYI - my last drink was on 07/07/07.

I certainly don't have the urge to drink as I have in early sobriety. To me, that's a whole other ball game.

What I do experience, from time to time, is a sort of desire to be "normal." This manifests itself primarily by the feeling that it would be nice to have a cold beer or cocktail right now. This happened to me last evening. It was a beautiful spring day in MN. Was late afternoon. Just finished raking the yard. Kids were outside running around, playing. Wife was in the garden planting rows. And I was just sitting there in a lawn chair in the shade enjoying life.

It's not that life would have necessarily been better had I a drink. My (still) sick mind equates normalcy with alcohol. As in, normal people enjoy alcohol - if I were "normal," I too could enjoy alcohol. And there have been instances in my past (long ago past) where I would drink not to excess. So I sometimes romanticize as well.

These feelings are brief because I have taught myself to play the tape forward and know, deep down without a doubt, exactly what will happen if I attempt to enjoy that cold beer/cocktail.

Mirage,
no, it's not a struggle for me not to drink.
there is no real urge that i need to fight against.
every once in a while, i get a "gottagottawannagetdrunk" voice-thing, but that's very very rare. when that does happen, i know it's not real - what i mean is that it's not real in the way of me wanting to drink or get drunk. it's an indicator of something going on that i want to get away from. and i can sit and figure those things out. if i want.

but yeah, the "me" problem...that became more obvious once i quit drinking.

Hi Mirage.

I'm at 5 yrs. 4 mos. sober - after drinking for 30 yrs. & not being able to imagine my life without it.

NOT a daily struggle for me - and it rarely crosses my mind. I never thought that would be the case! In the first year, filled with all the triggers (holidays, vacations, etc.) I was a bit resentful and feeling sorry for myself. That all ended as I realized I could get over all the hurdles, and there is life after alcohol. :) Who knew.

I went 1.5 years then relapsed out of my own arrogance. I thought I had it under control, then got careless and was back to my old ways. I will be 1 month sober (again) tomorrow. The urges/cravings go away but don't allow yourself to forget the damage that it has done to you in the past. Change is measured by comparison to ones former self.
Or more eloquently put by George Santayana, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it"

Mirage,

I'm 2 and half months. Like you, I was concerned about my continual thoughts of drinking.
Thankfully, unlike the first couple of weeks, they have lessened, but are still there since I'm so new at this.

Through the long termers on SR and in my weekly support group, I was relieved to learn that (continual) craving passes.
That hope is what keeps me going on this sobriety path, because I don't think I could do this forever! (the constant thoughts). It also helps me not to relapse, as I've worked hard to get this far and can't bare the thoughts of starting back at square 1.
Having said that, its still difficult as my AV suggests I should test that!

Thanks for your post. Reading the responses gives me strength.

Best wishes fellow Feb.