Decided to drink one last time and it was a nightmare.,,
 

Hi everyone , thursday was day 98 for me and i went to meet my friend who i havn't seen in over 2 years. I made a decision to drink over the next 2 days and it wasnt because i crumbled so to speak i just convinced myself it would be one last hurrah. . Long story short i embarassed myself got so drunk ,hurt my back and had to go to hospital, then after leaving there i was wandering the streets on my own without a clue where i was, Finally sobered up enough to find a train station and get a train at about 3am back home. Im back on the sober journey for good now as its plain to see that i cant handle drink in my life, i cant moderate which i thought i might be able to do these last couple days. The last 3 months without drink have been great and when i have thought about alcohol ive tried to convince myself it will be different this time. Well its not and it never will be, i've tried to down play my drinking but it is a problem so ive gotta stay away from it. One of the scary things is that when the drinkers with heavy problems say your;e too much of a lunatic when drinks involved it makes you think how far have i sunk.

Welcome back, Bradley.

I never bothered trying to convince myself I'd moderate. It was either drink until I passed out or don't drink at all.

What were you doing to not drink before you picked up again?

Yep, Addiction is like that. I have done the EXACT same thing...I didn't 'crumble' so to speak of..just a simple impulse that I could drink and 'Handle it'....but the problem is that when 'I' drink, 'I' become impaired and the ADDICTION gets in control...then as I drink more, the ADDICTION is in control, not ME anymore...and that is SCARY...because 'I' am no longer in control, but 'I' suffer the consequences...WHATEVER may happen while the ADDICTION is in control...VERY SCARY..that is why I agree with your conclusion...better to never feed that hidden monster inside me again...'I' can't take that risk again, because I may not be able to recover from the consequences if there ever was a 'next time'.

As a side note, have you done the AVRT Crash Course? Do a web search for...AVRT...you will see Rational Recovery / Crash Course....take the Crash Course right there on the website. It is free, and it gives a great perspective on Addiction Recovery.

I do NOT drink...and I will NEVR change my mind...the consequences are NEVER worth the RISK

Hi Received well i was running ,biking, boxing ,lifting weights, trying to get healthy eating the right foods i lost 15lbs and i was really enjoying it, my blood pressure also was reduced. Unfortunately i listened to the part of my brain that wanted to drink. Now i know that i must ignore it at all costs

Me too Bradley, Thanks for the Thread :c014:

Wow, that is truly impressive.

I'm with RDB. Google AVRT The Crash Course (Rational Recovery). Go over to the secular connections forum and read everything about AVRT. I believe you could really benefit by getting a greater understanding about what is going on in your mind.

Here is a link to a thread our member Freshstart started. I think it gives a great summary of AVRT and our Addictive Voice:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

This is exactly what I do! Keeping active is one of the main things that keeps me sober outside of AA. The "high" that I get from physical activity keeps me away from the bottle. It seems like you know what to do, just go back to what works for you. If you're dedicated to sobriety, you can do it!:You_Rock_

Thanks last chance, you're right i love that feeling also , especially after a run. I do know what to do so there no excuse anymore and i really am tired with it all this time, so onwards and upwards!!

I'm only a little over a week into my recovery and I've gone to the gym every day. It sucks because I've set myself miles back from where i used to be. Good thing is...I'm still young and my body is bouncing back fast. I started my recovery and going to the gym the same day. I'm taking progress pictures every 7 days and the first progress picture was amazing! The pictures not only help keep me motivated, but help me to realize what alcohol was doing to my body as well.

I did exactly the same thing Bradley. It was just what I needed to put the cork in the bottle and get serious about recovery.

I learned something pretty significant night and without drinking.

A friend posted on facebook that she and her husband were having a glass of wine and watching a movie with their kids. The first thing that entered my mind was "if you're not going to get drunk why bother?" Spoken like a true drunk!

That struck a nerve with me more then the countless times I've been stupid drunk or though I'll just have a few that always turned into a few to many.

Maybe PeacefulRain is FINALLY learning ;)

Nah ur not a luny, if u r then I am too! U have an addiction. Just remember you can not trust that thought that says just one last time.It's a lie. It is that 1st drink that sets off the craving and sends us into oblivion and that is the one we need to stay away from. Glad you are safe and are able to tell us the story. Next time you may not be so lucky. Glad you r here! You can do this again.:)

PS stop beating yourself up and just start over. it'll be ok.

Moderation is part of addiction.

No drugs, no alcohol, no cigs for me ever again.
That is the way.

Bradders, we have all done it, me included!

You have done 98 days and thats massive so you know you can do it again. You also know that you felt good while you were not drinking and so when you start again you will have nothing to fear.

Learn from it and put it behind you.

Have you done any reading on addictive voice recognition technique?
It might come in useful when after a few days the hangover has gone and those pesky thoughts come through saying 'one will not hurt' or 'its friday, I deserve it, long week'.

I know for me sometimes I think 'its warm, a pint of lager and lime in the sun would be great'.
Then I recognise that this is my addictive voice talking and to ignore it. It also would not be nice as I know where it could lead to. It never just is one drink with me.

I actually look at a glass of wine with great fear now. I know it has the ability to turn a pleasant evening into a nightmare. A nightmare that might last 3 days as well.

I wish you the best x

I love your last paragraph here. I have come to look at alcohol the same way! I walk past a bottle of liquor in the store, or see a can of beer and it strikes fear in me. I'm teaching myself to think "first thought wrong." Of course my addictive personality wants to pick up that drink, but i sit back and realize what it's going to lead to. Not only that, but what it's done to me in the past and my loved ones. It's only going to lead to anger, remorse, and self pity! And also probably another nasty bender and/or hangover.

...one day at a time!

Its so true though!

I feel so uncomfortable in the wine isle at the supermarket.
Some of my worst experiences have been with wine.

And if I see a couple enjoying a meal with wine, I imagine myself doing that and I genuinely feel scared. A sense of dread that something bad will happen. 8 times out of ten it did.

I even envisage the morning after, based on previous experiences. That opening one eye and thinking 'oh no, it happened again, I blacked out, I don't remember getting here'.

It also helps me not to put that first drink inside me too.
I know that if I don't have that first drink, nothing bad can happen.

bradley - glad you lived to tell the tale. :) You'll be even more determined now! I did the same thing several times, and each time it was harder to climb back out of the hole. It's just not worth it anymore - and now you're convinced. Good job - proud of you!

Welcome back! Glad you're giving it another go.:)

Welcome back! You are 98 days -3 sober. That sober time is yours to keep. No one can take it away from you. If counting days is a tool you use then yes, time to reset the counter. But your recognition that the 3 days of drinking could have been avoided by not taking that first sip is testament to your progress.

Most of us have taken quite the journey to live a sober life and you are among friends who don't judge and understand exactly how what happened to you can happen to us all. Thank you for reminding me that one is not enough and there are never too many for me. Your honesty has helped another alcoholic today. Thank you :)

welcome back Bradley :)

D