Newcomer here but not a newcomer to giving up.
 

Hello. I am 24 and this is not my first time trying to give up Alcohol, unfortunately.

I started around when I was 14 and it always makes me feel safe. As insane as this statement is I am sure you maybe will identify with me.

Now I have given up Alcohol so many times that my body can bounce back pretty quickly. I can be totally emaciated without the ability to eat or move or even drink because I will vomit it up. The next day I can be eating, cleaning and starting to think about how my life will move forward. This is a really worry for me. My psychology has not changed in such a short time. How can it? So now I really worry about apologizing to loved ones, buying healthy food stuffs again and getting on with my business...Because I am worried it will not last. Again. So I know something has to be different this time? I have to do things about recovering differently. I am just not sure what? What should I be doing?

I have always been skinny but right now I am severely skinny...You can see my spine and my hips and my elbows...

I have let down my clients on numerous occasions but need to press on otherwise I would have to move home.

I also think a lot about my ex boyfriend right now...He broke up with me because of my lifestyle...Not just my drinking specifically but everything about how reckless I can be...

I am just so scared right now...That my mind can change what it wants so quickly...One minute I can be why did I drink. I wont drink again. The next everything seems ok and I can hear alcohol calling me.

Whilst I have given up many times I would not say I would classify myself as a binge drinker...But really as a total Alcholic. The most I have stayed sober for is 6 months.

Thanks for reading. x

Welcome to SR!

I can relate to your mind changing quickly and being uncertain what you will do next.

I tend to like face-to-face groups when I am struggling (such as LifeRing, SMART recovery, Women for Sobriety, AA), but I know lots of people get sober without groups.
Therapy has helped me too.
I hope you find what works for you.

Welcome. Alcohol is not known to be user friendly among many people who use it, it's a taker, depressor and very toxic. The insane thing is alcoholics insist on continuing to use it. I would not be surprised if it kills far more people than people that get sober. For some it was a friend for awhile until it turned to become an enemy and slowly became destructive in so many ways. AA became my answer for many years and that involved in the beginning accepting things I didn't want to, then I started getting honest with myself. People do sober up with other methods however I understand the long range recovery is not too good. BE WELL