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7 Weeks to Sobriety

Old 05-03-2013, 10:55 AM
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Question 7 Weeks to Sobriety

Hello Everyone, I am new to the forum.

We are a small family of 3, me, my husband and our 25 year old son. My husband and I both come from small families too.

Our son has struggled with addictions since the age of 15 when he first dabbled with smoking, then cannabis and then alcohol. He appears to be attracted to the darker side of life! Having little enthusiasm for anything else, even though he is a naturally talented sportsman, chef and all round nice guy. As a family we have tried so many ways to bring him to the lighter side of life but up until quite recently nothing has worked.

Over the past few years his drinking and smoking have lost him every job he has had, cost him relationships with girlfriends, arguments with family members, stressed and worried us to the point of nearly throwing him out on the streets. His current employer is giving him a second chance and his current girlfriend also, but he is treading on thin ice again. When he drinks he cannot stop.

He has at last admitted that he has a problem and went to see the GP for some advice and blood tests. We are awaiting the results and he was advised to contact Aquarius for support (we live in the UK).

As you can no doubt understand we are at our wits end to see such a beautiful talented person waste his life away. He stays out till the early hours of the morning and then cant get up, he looks terrible when he could look lovely. I am frantically searching for ways to help him and us. Alcoholism is on both sides of our family and I just cant sit back and do nothing and watch the same happen with Jake. He is never happy and I am really worried because he is down and depressed and where does he go from here. I know he loves us, the family and his girlfriend and that he enjoys his job but his addiction to the demon drink is ruining everything for him. It is so, so sad.

I realise that everyone is indivdual and what works for one may not work for another and I have read some of your threads and would be interested to know what methods, therapies and support systems you have found most useful. I am particularly intested to know if any one has completed the whole 7 weeks to sobriety course and what was the outcome?

I wish you all well. Many thanks, a desparate mum X
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:06 AM
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I am sorry for your struggles. There is a lot of pain when we watch our loved ones destroy themselves. I have experienced this with my family, and my own life. It is imperative that he decides that he needs sobriety. There is nothing that you can do to make him want that. By providing for him, he is able to stay in the use and is able to put off getting clean. He may need to go out on his own and figure it out for himself, with out his parents to protect him.That means that you may need to tell your son to leave your home. He needs to take the necessary steps, and you and your husband need to find support for yourselves. He is the only one that can change his outcome. You can change the way that you deal, and feel about it. ALANON is a wonderful fellowship. There are other methods, and I know that others will give suggestions.
I have not tried the 7 weeks to sobriety. I have not heard of this. I am sober though. One day at a time.
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:28 AM
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7 weeks to Sobriety

Thank you Mizzuno,
I know I have seen others struggle and would do anything to save our son from this. I realise he has to find his own way out of this but alcohol affects the brain and the brain affects the addiction, it is a vicious circle; I dont beleive it is just an addicitive behaviour, it is an illness, a pathological illness between both the gut and the brain neurotransmitters that have become damaged or deficeint in some way.
Perhaps I am clutching at straws but I wont give up.
Thank you and I wish you well x
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:40 AM
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There is no reason to give up, but your son will not fully recover if you are the one doing it for him. He needs to come to the understanding that what he is doing is unacceptable for him. You can support him in his efforts of recovery. You can be the wonderful mother that you are, but you can not do it for him. Bless your heart. Have you heard of Alanon?
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:48 AM
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Welcome to SR. Sorry for what brings you here. You will find a lot of experience and support on our Friends and Family forum:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

This is going to sound harsh. It's not meant to, but something as serious as what you are going through needs serious actions. How about if you said, the conditions for you staying at home is that you get into recovery. You can't stay at home if you drink. Period.

Probably the hardest thing you'll ever do, but what's his incentive to get help now? His health? Your worry?
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:55 AM
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7 weeks to Sobriety

Thank you.
Is Alanon the same as AA. The group our GP has recommended is Aquarius.
Ive looked Alanon up on the web and they do not have a group in our area, the closest is about 45 minutes by car and my son has lost his licence so would have to rely on us or public transport to get him there. I think at the moment this would put him off as he wants to do it alone and I realise I have to allow this if that is what he wants to do. He knows we love him, when he is not under the influence he is lovely. Thats probably half the problem x
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by whitewitch13 View Post
Thank you.
Is Alanon the same as AA. The group our GP has recommended is Aquarius.
Ive looked Alanon up on the web and they do not have a group in our area, the closest is about 45 minutes by car and my son has lost his licence so would have to rely on us or public transport to get him there. I think at the moment this would put him off as he wants to do it alone and I realise I have to allow this if that is what he wants to do. He knows we love him, when he is not under the influence he is lovely. Thats probably half the problem x
Alonon is a fellowship for friends and family of Alcohol/substance abusers. It is a program designed to help you.
AA is for the Alcoholic. It sounds like the alone approach is not working. Since it is your home. I would put up some boundaries as to what is acceptable and what is not. He is 25 years old. It doesnt matter if he is put off by having to attend an AA meeting. Are you nervous about him being put off? Once again, it is your home that he lives in.
Ive never heard of Aquarius.
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:08 PM
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Alanon is for the families of addicts, whereas AA would mainly be for the addict themselves - although both have open meetings for anyone to attend.

I'g agree with others though that it's very important to understand that you cannot stop your son from abusing and/or force him to get help. You can support him of course...but he has to make the decision to quit himself. That's why it's certainly encouraging news to hear that he he wants to get help.
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:09 PM
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AA is a program of recovery for the alcoholic, and I myself as well as many others on this board attend meetings and work that program.

Alanon, on the other hand, is a program for friends and family of alcoholics. It would be you and those close to your son who wish to help him that would be going to the meetings. The entire intent is to enable you to help your son in the way that has been found to be the most effective through years of experience.
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