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3 months and A Couple Questions

Old 05-03-2013, 08:36 AM
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3 months and A Couple Questions

I made 3 months. Everything has been going quite well. I do kind of have this nervous feeling in the back of my mind though like, maybe I'm getting too laissez faire(sp?) about the whole thing? Like drinking seems sooooooooooo far away. It was like another lifetime, a whole different person!
I think about it and Im like "that was my life???, no way..."
How did I survive?
Im afraid my brain is gonna forget I ever had a real problem and Im gonna think I can drink one night again, and then what if I go back there, to that nightmare? It doesnt seem possible right now, but I KNOW it happens, and that scares me!
A long time ago (30 years?lol) like 3 months ago I said I would quit for a few months and then celebrate by drinking on my anniversary(June) because I wasn't prepared to be done drinking for ever.
Well that doesn't sound like such a good idea anymore. Now that I have gotten a taste of health and vigor and youth and vitality, I find it hard to imagine getting through the day with a hangover. Uucckk! Dreadful!
Not to mention the fear that that one time would be soooo fun that I would decide to keep doing it!

Another thing Im wondering about is if it is normal to love being sober in general but getting intense feelings of "I AM SICK OF BEING STONE COLD SOBER ALL THE TIME"
I mean I spent over half of my years of living being stoned or high or drunk of off pills, weed, alcohol, and other random things. And now its just wow. Sober sober sober.
I dont know if I can go without SOME other feeling for the rest of my life???

Also, I have been going back and reading samples of years worth of messages on my facebook page and I am dying of shame and embarrassment from the things i wrote to people when drunk. Respectable people, family friends, etc. were subject to my stupidity and rambling. I feel soooo bad. Ugh. How could I have been so stupid!? And I can tell by the tone in them I thought I was being quite clever and hilarious!? Yuck. I wish I could erase them from peoples' memories. I wonder if it would make me feel better to go back and apologize or explain to those people? Or just try and forget about it?

Thoughts on these things would be much appreciated!!
Thanks!
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:14 AM
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congrats on 3 months and the honesty and insight that you have.

Early on, SOBER is it. But in time we feel lots of things. Horizons expand, our ability to live and explore returns as our life becomes rich with more things than not drinking/not using.

I've really found the idea of "there is a time and season for everything" useful.

I mean it is SO true. When I was a toddler, I did toddler things. When I was in high school I went on field trips, prom, and stressed over what to do for the rest of my life. I used to be able to eat onion rings, now my tummy won't tolerate them, but there are so many foods out there I've yet to try, so now I am trying them! New cuisines!

You did wasted, as nauseum, now you have a chance to do "not wasted" and all the possibilities that come with it. I mean it's GOOD that "just sober" gets boring because that is what pushes us to do new things. We are not doomed to return to drunk and wasted, dang, we know all about drunk and wasted, now's our chance to experience so much else in life!

There is a time and season, maybe it's your season to experience new things, new feelings and new possibilities.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:35 AM
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Big time congrats on the three months!
You've come a long way. And, though you may not know it, your story is very inspiring.

I'm a newcomer but I keep remembering posts about folks that relapsed after years sober. Seems like it's a good idea to never take sobriety for granted.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:40 AM
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ArcticSA, I can totally relate to these feelings. I also have 3 months of sobriety. It feels good to be sober and I don't want to get drunk, necessarily. But cravings still come up and I wonder, is this all there is? Am I really going to live the rest of my life avoiding alcohol and feeling like an outsider? The only thing that helps me is prayer, and I do attend 12 step meetings. As for facebook, I quit going on there around election time and just never went back. I remember one time being really wasted and posting a topless pic (deleting it a moment later.) Just knowing that's still out there somewhere really irks me. My suggestion is to take a break from social media for awhile, it does make life and recovery a lot easier. I know if I was on FB now, I'd have a hard time keeping my newfound sobriety to myself. And the last thing I want is for dozens of people to ask me how my recovery is going, especially if I hit a rough patch. Just hang in there, from what I hear this does get easier. Remember the misery of drinking and the shame that returns every morning. We can do this!
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:15 AM
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ArticSA, 3 months sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I constantly remind myself of how awful my life had become. I was worried about my sobriety until June 5th of last year when I quit smoking cigarettes. When I finally gave up the cigs I knew I could stay sober permanently. As far as my feelings go I am still angry at myself for being in this mess to start with, but 2 feelings I don't have anymore are shame and guilt. The reason for that is I don't do shameful and guilty things anymore. I'll have a good life as long as I don't go back to using. Rootin for ya.
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:42 AM
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Congratulations on 3 months ArticSA!

I am a couple days behind you (February 5) and I am going through a lot of the self-examination that you are. Frankly, I am so glad that I didnít get into Facebook because I know I would be left with many of the reminders of my drunken episodes that you are facing. If you are not comfortable with stepping away from the social network, maybe posting a message reflecting back on previous posts and admitting embarrassment over many of the comments posted in the past? Rather than announcing the posts were made while under the influence, stating that you have embraced a new healthy lifestyle that does not include alcohol and it has increased your awareness of the negative impact unhealthy choices has made on your cognitive perceptions and abilities. What you thought were clever and fun-filled remarks at the time are now quite embarrassing and are not reflective of the genuine person you truly are. Just a thought.

I too thought that I could never comfortably adjust to life without an occasional drink (drunk!), but the further I get away from that life, the happier I am that I am no longer chained to that addiction. I averaged 7 bottles of wine per week (minimum) for many years, so over the past 3 months that equates to removing at least 90 bottles of alcohol or 450 glasses of wine, poisoning my mind and drowning my spirit. Imagine all of the glasses or bottles of alcohol you would have consumed had you not stopped, and know that just one drink can take you back to that MADNESS! The longer we stay sober, the number of alcohol units not entering our bodies steadily increases concurrently with our sobriety days. For me, this is another tool to shut down that AV!
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:52 AM
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Arctic!! Congratulations!

The advice I have I learned from watching others... I know a guy who was the most outrageous drunk. The kind where you just couldn't take him anywhere. Every single day he would start off in the early afternoon and by late evening be so wasted that he would get in fights, **** on the floor, etc etc... (no, this wasn't a friend of mine. Friend of friends, and honestly at the time I had no idea why anyone would put up with him).

Anyway he got sober probably about a year ago now? Out of nowhere, surprised everyone (or maybe those closer to him weren't surprised, but I certainly was). And I've got to say, I respect him now. And I don't really count, 'cause I'm a drunk too so of course I have sympathy. But what's been striking for me is that now everyone respects him. He went from being a human circus to being legit. Got married, runs a business, etc. And now it's like his drinking is just a post-script.

I think people have trouble understanding alcoholism when it's in action ("why don't you just stop at two?") but in retrospect it's easier for them to understand. With this guy, almost immediately it's gone from "Gee, Bob's drinking is disgraceful" to "Haha, remember how crazy Bob used to be!"

It'll be the same for you, I imagine. And hopefully for me. I just stop myself every time I go to open that door of digging through the past and looking for things to be embarrassed about. I'm pretty sure that once everyone gets used to me sober, the old me will just be a funny story as far as most people are concerned. I look forward to making new friends who will be floored when someone who's known me for awhile tells them I used to be a big drinker!
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Old 05-03-2013, 11:55 AM
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Arctic, I wish I had answers to your questions, but I wonder the same things.

I know for certain that it is AWESOME you are sober! I have not been on this forum very long, but the story of how you quit drinking is very special. I will never forget some of the things I said to you three months ago.

Thanks for the update!
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Old 05-03-2013, 12:30 PM
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GRATS ON 3 MONTHS!!!!

I still battle with thought similar to your own. I have 9 months sober.I remember when i first started the program (AA) that i couldn't wrap my brain around 1 month sober. I was constantly living in the future and also craving that other feeling you speak of. That's where the saying 1 day at a time helped me out a lot. Try not to think of "eternity" feeling one way only. Trust me the different feelings kick in. Just try to think about the next 24 hours. It really helped me out anyway.
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Old 05-03-2013, 01:13 PM
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I owned many vehicles in my lifetime, today I am not a car owner and I take a bus.

When I had a car, I was always in a hurry to go nowhere (work, store, home, out once in a while).

I get more places while sober and riding a bus. My life is so much different than when I sat on my couch drinking and thinking about living or tomorrow or obsessing about that darn boss/brother/friend/cashier/another person's behavior and not my own.....worrying or....basically NOT living in the now.

I paint. I paint abstracts. I'm currently taking pics of my painting in between coats (acrylic needs to dry or it peels itself off).

I'm thoroughly enjoying the process much more than the end result.

It's reflective of my life today. I'm enjoying the process, not any particular destination. I try to live in the moment, not tomorrow. I have lengthy conversations with random people throughout the day--at bus stops, on the bus, in stores or restaurants, in museums, meetings, on the street (you get the picture here, right?) wherever I am. There are awesome people all over this world!

Just for today, don't drink, try to live in the now. Mindfulness and fully human interaction. It's what life is really about.
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Old 05-03-2013, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by sugarbear1 View Post
I owned many vehicles in my lifetime, today I am not a car owner and I take a bus.

When I had a car, I was always in a hurry to go nowhere (work, store, home, out once in a while).

I get more places while sober and riding a bus. My life is so much different than when I sat on my couch drinking and thinking about living or tomorrow or obsessing about that darn boss/brother/friend/cashier/another person's behavior and not my own.....worrying or....basically NOT living in the now.

I paint. I paint abstracts. I'm currently taking pics of my painting in between coats (acrylic needs to dry or it peels itself off).

I'm thoroughly enjoying the process much more than the end result.

It's reflective of my life today. I'm enjoying the process, not any particular destination. I try to live in the moment, not tomorrow. I have lengthy conversations with random people throughout the day--at bus stops, on the bus, in stores or restaurants, in museums, meetings, on the street (you get the picture here, right?) wherever I am. There are awesome people all over this world!

Just for today, don't drink, try to live in the now. Mindfulness and fully human interaction. It's what life is really about.
Great point and in my sobriety I try to do this as well but as a young male in today's era, when I speak to random people I don't kno they feel as though I'm expecting something or want something from them. It's sad, because I just like to have conversations with people. Unfortunately, people walk around with their guards up.
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Old 05-03-2013, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
Arctic, I wish I had answers to your questions, but I wonder the same things.

I know for certain that it is AWESOME you are sober! I have not been on this forum very long, but the story of how you quit drinking is very special. I will never forget some of the things I said to you three months ago.

Thanks for the update!

Oh my gosh, I KNOW!!! I can not believe my behavior in that "Help Hubby has an idea" thread...eeps!! I wouldnt be near so catty and defensive now. It just goes to show how much a brain can be distorted from alchohol and how much improvement it can make!
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Old 05-03-2013, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by sugarbear1 View Post
?) wherever I am. There are awesome people all over this world!

Just for today, don't drink, try to live in the now. Mindfulness and fully human interaction. It's what life is really about.
That's precisely how I'm living my life now, in these early sobriety days (over 2 months now). I engage in conversations with strangers, etc and feel exactly the same way - its what life is really about.

I'm 47 year old woman Soberhappy, so most don't have their guard up!

I'm loving this way of living. Never dreamed....
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