Day 37 of sobriety
 

It is my 37th day of sobriety. It is my day off. I haven't done anything today and my boyfriend just left to go train. I really want a drink. I remember throwing a half empty pint of vodka over my fence and have caught myself thinking about getting it.

Hmm. Well why did you throw it over the fence ?

I threw it ago over the fence 37 days ago b/c I was finished. I may have drank it all, can't remember

I threw it over 37 days ago b/c i didn't want to drink anymore. sorry my mouse screwed that reply up

I've done so well but I have this frustration inside. It is why am I sitting here waiting hand and foot and depriving myself. If I want to drink or whatever, I should be able to. Everyone else can smoke a bowl or have a drink after work or on a day off. I bust my ass more than ever and I am not getting a reward back. The drink was the reward...now what??? grr

It was not just the reward tho. it was everything. Now it isn't everything but is all I can think about right now

I can really relate to that. I had a job offer today to go up in the hills and work with a guy who is in the AA program, but smokes weed. The last time I was up there I wanted to smoke. I was practically salivating. I had to tell him no. It's not that I can't smoke, because I can. It's not that I can't drink, because I can. I choose not to today because I can't drink or smoke like other people can, and I don't want the consequences of the first one.

Robyn-

Do you have a sponsor or another recovering alcoholic you could call? Sometimes it is good to just talk about it out loud. Remember why you quit drinking and then maybe you will remember that drinking never made things better. Believe me, I understand. I have felt that way too, just not today.

If I smoke weed my head thinks waaaaaay too much. I just want to relax and feel calm...I am always on edge and my head is too much for me. I have been trying to trick myself into believing that everything is fine but for once I just want to be level

I have a ladies # that I met at a meeting. just don't know her and I am just at a low point right now..."woe as me" I know inside that I will pass this it is just frusturating

Have you tried meditation?