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Old 05-02-2013, 10:26 AM
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Hello

I'm on here for ideas. My Husband and I don't drink every day, we have "designated" drink nights (which are essentially Friday and Saturday, when we have wine and watch our favorite shows) The trouble is, when we do drink "socially" we always get into some horrible fight. In the past it has lead to an over night jail "sleepover" and court.

The truth is, I can live without it. I would rather have energy to clean my house on weekends, but I'm an enabler, and what my Husband wants he gets. He suffers from depression, he has since before we met 11 years ago. He overdosed on anti-anxiety drugs 3 years ago, so they won't prescribe them to him anymore. The drink seems to help him "cope" in his own way. Now he has associated Friday and Saturday nights with our shows and wine.In the past when he has agreed we need to stop, he's okay for about 3 weeks and then he hits this wretched breaking point, where suddenly I am his "cell" guard and I need to loosen the leash because I never let him have any fun. It's truly a nightmare so eventually I cave just so he'll stop being such an *******.

So night before last we went out of town to an event. We had friends there and it was all fun, but my Husband is also a jealous man. He was way too inebriated, saw a guy talking to me at the bar and actually came after me this time (last time it was the guy talking to me). So, not only is he jealous, but he also works out, so he is very big. It took 7 security guards to take him down, he hit one of them, which just made matters worse. I asked them if they would just let me take him back to the room because I knew he was just crazy drunk, but they said he had to go down for questioning and I had to follow.

They questioned him, but he was too drunk to know what was going on, he didn't even remember what he did or why. When they pulled me in the room I explained to them that he had just one to many. They decided not to arrest my husband and kindly escorted us back to our room. Embarrassed, yes, but it wasn't the first time something like this had happened.

So, in the morning, he only vaguely remembered being cuffed and asked if he dreamed it. I told him what happened, and he finally said he really felt like our best bet would be to quit drinking. I'm on board 100% if it means not having to worry about stuff like that ever happening again.

What I am worried about is that he already associates our weekend "date" nights (at home) with drinking and has said we need to find something to replace that time with. At 9:00 at night with children asleep, what exactly can we do? I saw other people on here mentioning what they did during the day. Well, my days are way too busy to drink in the day time anyway. When we're at home with children in bed, we can't go out and walk the dog. He use to be "addicted" to on line gaming but it almost destroyed our marriage. I need ideas on what we can do that late at night to replace this habit. We already watch movies and shows together so really that's not a replacement. Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to explain what brought us to this decision.

Last edited by ChelleC78; 05-02-2013 at 10:29 AM. Reason: I need to add something
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Old 05-02-2013, 10:33 AM
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Welcome to SR.

If watching TV is a trigger to drink, your husband needs to replace it with a solid program of recovery, such as AA.
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Old 05-02-2013, 10:37 AM
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He's not religious or spiritual. I offered to go to AA with him and that was the first thing he said, AA is all based on God. Are there any other programs?
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Old 05-02-2013, 10:43 AM
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http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I just want to add, this is your husband's recovery. Why isn't he doing the groundwork necessary to get a recovery plan in place? I'm gonna guess he thinks he can just quit on his own.

While you are here, on Sober Recovery, pop over to the friends and family of alcoholics forum and work on the person you can fix...you!
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Old 05-02-2013, 02:26 PM
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Sounds like your husband has some issues to work out. Here's the friends and family forum. Why don't you post your situation there and see what input you get.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:41 PM
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Read the AA Big Book together. It will probably turn out that the 'God' thing is not the bogeyman he imagines it to be, and is possibly 'contempt prior to investigation'.

Read 'Rational Recovery' which is available on the AVRT website.

Also, there are actually many more things to do when sober, than when drinking is no longer a choice, but is something you are chained to.... Play a game, go for a walk, take dancing lessons, meditate together, get a facebook account and explore what others are doing, watch funny you tube videos, play badminton in the backyard, go to a new restaurant, go for an evening picnic, get a pet, do a crossword puzzle, learn a new language, volunteer at a homeless shelter, find an activity in the entertainment section of your newspaper and do something you haven't done before, dress up kinky and have se....
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