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got caught at work.

Old 05-02-2013, 08:32 AM
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got caught at work.

So i got caught just a few minutes ago huffing canned air at work. The real kicker is that this is only my 3rd day on the job. I'm sitting in the conference room awaiting my fate. I was able to set alcohol aside but this stupid canned air is killing me. I need help. I hope they give me a second chance here but chances are slim. I'm so embarrassed and sad and scared right now. I'm ruining my life and just watching everything collapse. This is not me.
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:43 AM
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Prayers...
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:45 AM
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Oh dear. Prayers for you...
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:46 AM
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If your fate is sealed there it might be time to focus on your sobriety.
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:47 AM
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Perhaps you need to lose the job to focus on sobriety.
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:54 AM
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I remember you from last year when I first came to SR. :-) Hugs to you and no matter the outcome of your situation at work, please seek help for the huffing. If they let you stay, do not think you got a free pass. And if they let you go, stay strong. It's hard but I know you can do it!

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

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Old 05-02-2013, 09:02 AM
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Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS View Post
I'm ruining my life and just watching everything collapse. This is not me.
I'm not being mean, harsh maybe, but not mean.

This is denial. Sorry but this IS who you are. Maybe not who you used to be, or who you wished you were, but it IS who you are. A person who huffs at work and may well be canned for it.

It may seem counter intuitive that accepting that will help you over come it, because many times we hear advice that we should only say "positive" things about who we are, to somehow convince ourselves that is true and thus live it. That makes sense up to a point, but not if it keeps us from truly and honestly addressing the not so positive stuff.

Sometimes when we say "this is not who I am" we mean that it's not who we feel we are inside. But if it was not a reflection of who we are inside, how did it manifest OUTSIDE?

Perhaps the question is "how did I become this person?" and hopefully the next question is "how do I start being the person I want to be, and live the life I want to live?"

Being caught may be one of the best things that happens to you if it means it's a kick in the pants to overcome this hurdle.

I totally do wish the best for you. Stop killing your braincells and opportunities in life. I've always gained something from your posts and am so glad you are part of this community, I'd hate to lose you to a can of air.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:30 AM
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Honestly, I think it is pretty natural to start looking for a high that is "other than alcohol" when we quit. I know the thought creeps into my mind once in a while. An addictive personality as I am has to learn to stay away from all harmful substances. Perhaps you might try to think along these paths.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:34 AM
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Oh no. That sucks. Maybe this is a rock bottom? I just said a little prayer for you.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by DisplacedGRITS View Post
... this stupid canned air is killing me.
Literally. Better to have been caught by your colleagues than rescued by EMT trying to save your life.

Sorry you continue to struggle, Grits. Please quit digging. The bottom is a terrible, miserable place, as you are finding.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:38 AM
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How long u been doing the canned air? U want kids right? Please don't try to have them if you are huffing.
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Old 05-02-2013, 09:43 AM
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I once huffed whip cream cans, I have changed my sobriety date in the past cuz the plain truth was I wasn't really clean and sober if I was catching a buzz and I was still acting out in old behaviors. Where do you stand on that?
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Old 05-02-2013, 10:46 AM
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I'm sad to read this. I hope that no matter what the instant outcome is, that you can find your road to sobriety and happiness. It is often hard work and very unpleasant in the beginning but it gets better.
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Old 05-02-2013, 11:00 AM
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Wish you calmness in this trying situation. Make this your bottom & surrender now. We can't keep trying to find substitutions for our addictions...replacing one bad habit with another can turn into a vicious cycle which could even lead to worse addictive habits...prayers with you...
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:33 PM
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Hey Grits ,
I hope you come by more often , you're always a kind and thoughtful poster . Up's and downs happen , that's life , it's how we deal with them that counts , i hope you find a better way .

Bestwishes, M
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:44 PM
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I had this experience myself at a ford dealership I used to work at. In my story (in my blog) I refer to losing my job, but didn't go into detail how. I wasn't exactly caught doing it, but my suspicious behaviors said enough. I was a car porter, and one of my duties was to test drive recently worked on cars. I was on a test drive and smoking a cigarette in a customer car, and drove past a fast food place where the owner was eating. She saw me and called my boss. Other then that I was also rolling joints and smoking those while driving customer cars.

For me, getting fired from that job put my addiction in a whole new light. I was truly the addict without values, the guy who would do anything to get high. It doesn't make me a bad person, but I had become a guy who needed a serious personality change. Losing that job let me move to experience a total bottom on 11/13/11, and I set my 1st true clean date on 11/17/11. I didn't stay because the illusion that I could still drink and use like others hadn't been smashed yet. It took over a year more of in and out of AA/NA, experimenting and trying it, all the while destroying my life more and more, until I finally became convinced that I will never be normal, and I need help.

I hope my experience helps you in some way.
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Old 05-02-2013, 01:13 PM
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I am glad you managed to stop drinking DG, but it sounds like you made a sideways step rather than forwards. I am a little concerned that you only seem to post when things are going bad... what is going on inbetween times? Talk to us x
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Old 05-02-2013, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by StevenT View Post
I will never be normal, and I need help.

I hope my experience helps you in some way.
That was the hardest thing that I had to accept, thank you for reminding me of that StevenT. That's how you just helped me.........

Grits I wish you the best and I agree with what seems like the general consensus here, don't let it get any worse and maybe it's time to get a bit more serious about the sobriety. Nothing more serious than death in my eyes.
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Old 05-02-2013, 01:49 PM
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I hope that things work out for you, DG.
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Old 05-02-2013, 01:51 PM
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Hope all goes well.
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