Scared
 

Hi, have read posts on this site many times in the past but never joined. Desperately want to change my life, starting now. I stopped drinking recently (only for two weeks) but felt great for it. So why did I start again? I am scared that I will never beat this.

When you quit the first thing you have to do is mentally tell yourself and kno that you never want to drink again. Once that sets in, and you convince yourself that you no longer drink, then the next step is not to drink. When I quit I didn't plan on quitting forever but after awhile I felt so great and was accomplishing so much that I determined that I was done drinking after I was just going to try to take a break from alcohol. For me it just keeps getting better and I think if you give yourself a chance to enjoy the finer things in life, you will soon realize that alcohol was not needed. I never knew life can be so amazing without drinking. Even the simplest things like waking up without a hangover and smelling the fresh air outside is just absolutely amazing while most 26 year olds my age wake up feeling like they got ran over by a train. Stay strong, you'll love it.

It's normal to be scared, it just shows you understand the stakes! You can quit if you want to, and SR is a good resource that can help.

Welcome to SR!:welcome

I just keep telling myself to keep trying and never give up. I've spent a lifetime relapsing but I'm not giving up on myself. I know there's a better existence. I can feel it. I want to experience some of that in my life.

Thanks Bruce, glad to hear you are not giving up. Let's make that better existence a reality

In the beginning I lived by the FACT that if I DIDN'T pick up the FIRST drink I'd never have to get sober AGAIN! + 30 years living with that fact. Hang in and BE WELL

Leona, joining my quit date month here on SR has made a huge difference for me. It's a consistent group of people who are going through the same ups and downs. It holds me accountable... I know if I slip there's someone I need to tell, even if it's people I've never met in person. Also, I've been really surprised at how many of my feelings turn out to be tied to how far along I am! There's something really comforting about it. "Wait, you're having an existential crisis today, too? So signs indicate that the universe is NOT a horrible place, I'm just newly sober? Good to know."

Anyway, I really recommend it. Especially at the start there were a bunch of times when I probably would've had a drink except for the fact that I really did not want to have to get online and own up to it.

Thanks Fantail for the advice, I have just joined the May group.

Take one day at a time. If you think about not drinking for the rest of your life, you'll freak out, like many do. But one day at a time, and in the beginning it can be one hour at a time, one minute at time. I couldn't do it without support and others to help me. That was 18 yrs ago so I know it works and it will work for you too.

Being scared of "never again" is part of the journey. Alcohol really becomes a part of you, even to the casual drinker. It seems like a normal part of life and not being able to be a part of it anymore, especially to us who made it our everything, seems like such a daunting task and doomed to fail. But as time goes on sober, and you battle through the hard times and experience the openness of your new life and grow to be more comfortable with it all and eventually it will be your new life. You'll be proud of it. You'll own it. Alcohol currently owns you. It wont' make you happy ever again. Once you come to accept that then you can get on with your life.

On a side note, one of my issues that kept me from accepting my reality was the past. And not that I was trying to cloud the past with drinking but I was trying to get back to the days when drinking was fun. The future outlook of not drinking anymore was scary because it was such an intrical part of my life and for the most part I kept it under control (or so I thought) for the better part of 20 years. But the past few years it was sliding downhill big time. "I can't be an alcoholic, I went this long, what about my Friday night grilling? Happy hour? Old school friends?" But I slowly learned that no matter how hard I tried to get back to normal it wasn't happening. I wanted my past drinking to be my current drinking and my future drinking. I didn't want this to be a problem. I tried and I tried and it didn't work. Then I hit my rock bottom one night and the writing was on the wall. Normal drinking will NEVER be a part of my life again. I accepted it. Sweated out the first month and now, almost three months later I don't want to go back ever again. This is your life. Not alcohol's.

You can stop drinking! That is such a wonderful feeling.
Truth is rarely has anyone done it alone. Another wonderful thing, You don't have to do this alone!
There are so many people that want to help give you the gift they have been so freely given by the help to get & stay sober.
Reach out, ask, accept. You are already making progress by being here!

:welcome You're not alone anymore and you don't have to be scared. We're here to listen and support you any way we can.:hug: You can do this!

I think it is good to be scared. I was, and often. The stakes are high. Not sure what brought you to this point but posting here takes guts and is a good step forward. My first few days were tough. Granted I was in rehab but one thing that helped me was having my day planned. I got up in the morning and knew what I was going to do that day. Just that day. I can make that. When you go to bed at night get a little smile on your face, you made it through, and do it all again. Those 24 hour periods will add up.

Thank you Familyman. My day one is over and I am going to bed sober and happy. The help and encouragement from everyone today has meant everything to me.