Hi everyone~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 9
Hi everyone~
Hello,
I am new to this and I never really thought that I had a problem until my friend had a bad trip 2 weekends ago. We did alot of meth. are both grown 24 & 25. She almost died. The worst part about it is that she is still using. I am not. I haven't used since last weekend. Not this last one, but the weekend before that. I tell you though it has been so hard. To even get through the weekend was the worse. I didn't realize in my doped up state that it is all around me. Everyone I know does it. Everyone I know has it. I have to lose all my friends I feel and I know it is necessary, but it still depresses me that I have to lose them. I have known these people for years.
I am new to this and I never really thought that I had a problem until my friend had a bad trip 2 weekends ago. We did alot of meth. are both grown 24 & 25. She almost died. The worst part about it is that she is still using. I am not. I haven't used since last weekend. Not this last one, but the weekend before that. I tell you though it has been so hard. To even get through the weekend was the worse. I didn't realize in my doped up state that it is all around me. Everyone I know does it. Everyone I know has it. I have to lose all my friends I feel and I know it is necessary, but it still depresses me that I have to lose them. I have known these people for years.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Hi Dawn. Welcome here. Get comfortable around the boards. You will benefit from all the love and support there is here. I have a good friend here, named dotdom. Her experience is probably much like yours.
I'm happy you're here.
I'm happy you're here.
RE-member- DONT QUIT!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: right where I'm supposed to be
Posts: 348
Glad your here dawn! welcome my name is mike addict here. I remember one time impaticular when I had died, litterally turned blue and stopped breathing. I came to 3 minutes later to my wife screaming and punching me in the chest. The first thing I did was take another hit. We can't make other's around us dicide when they have had enough, all we can do is decide for ourselves and hopefully set an example. It sounds like you have made very good desicion. have you thought about going to any meetings? this place has a lot of support, make yourself at home for awhile and see how it goes.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Dawn!
Yes, I came to realize all of my "friends" were only people to party with, NOTHING ELSE!
When I was in a time of need, they were NO WHERE to be found. (except getting high!)
For me, I am real involved in AA, NA, MA, and Alanon.
Today, I am 22 months sober, after over 25 years of abusing myself, daily.
If I can do this, anybody can, IF THEY REALLY WANT TO! (not need to)
Are you really sick and tired of being sick and tired? Ever been to AA or NA?
I am alive because of AA, it has worked for me, but do whatever YOU need to, to get sober. You will NEVER regret it.
Tom
When I was in a time of need, they were NO WHERE to be found. (except getting high!)
For me, I am real involved in AA, NA, MA, and Alanon.
Today, I am 22 months sober, after over 25 years of abusing myself, daily.
If I can do this, anybody can, IF THEY REALLY WANT TO! (not need to)
Are you really sick and tired of being sick and tired? Ever been to AA or NA?
I am alive because of AA, it has worked for me, but do whatever YOU need to, to get sober. You will NEVER regret it.
Tom
Sweet Sounds of Heaven
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Point Blue, Louisiana
Posts: 1,144
Hello Dawn, Welcome to SR you will find a lot of support and healing here at SR.
My name is Janet and I am a 44 year old drug addict. I had to let go of alot of friends when I dicided to get clean. It was the right choice and I do not have any regrets about it today. I talk to them over the phone every blue moon. You can make new friends and have a better life. Wishing you the best on your road to recovery Dawn. Deep posting Dawn we are all here for you.
My name is Janet and I am a 44 year old drug addict. I had to let go of alot of friends when I dicided to get clean. It was the right choice and I do not have any regrets about it today. I talk to them over the phone every blue moon. You can make new friends and have a better life. Wishing you the best on your road to recovery Dawn. Deep posting Dawn we are all here for you.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: left of center
Posts: 68
Hi Dawn!
I am 35 and I am an addict. I could really relate to the story Mike told about using to the point he nearly killed himself and he still chose to pick up a hit before he did anything different. It is probably very hard to watch your girlfriend continue on top of stopping and wishing you could keep on using. I began to have seizures when I used... and the only thing that would "bring me back to reality" was to take another hit. I literally could not remember who the people around me were after those, and once I took that hit, well, it all came right back to me! I thought I would never stop. I have used various forms of mind-altering substances since highschool. Today, I have discovered that it is a joy to be AWAKE for life!
It truly is for me... and you have clearly got a desire to experience something new and better. It is right at your fingertips. It is rigtht on the money what you said about the bitter pill to swallow (pardon the pun!) regarding knowing deep down that you have to let go of your friends. I know how hard that is. So hard in fact, that it is one of the most common things that takes some of us back out. We don't want to let go of those bonds. Well, maybe like Janet and like myself you will find that once in a while you will be able to connect from a safe distance, but for now you are doing the right thing beginning here. You will benefit so much from finding others who are just like you and we are all right here at your fingertips!
once you admit that you are an addict, then it becomes about accepting it. A whole 'nother ballgame - at least it was for me. It was EASY to say and to see I was an addict... I actually wore it like a badge! But to ACCEPT what that meant for me once I came to terms with that brutal fact that my life depended upon me stopping and staying stopped... well that was harder. I needed support - hard for a person like me who believes she is different and can do everything on her own. I can't and I am so relieved I don't have to. Neither do you! Keep coming back here... find meetings if you are willing, keep an open mind... keep sharing what you are going through!
You can do this!
amanda
I am 35 and I am an addict. I could really relate to the story Mike told about using to the point he nearly killed himself and he still chose to pick up a hit before he did anything different. It is probably very hard to watch your girlfriend continue on top of stopping and wishing you could keep on using. I began to have seizures when I used... and the only thing that would "bring me back to reality" was to take another hit. I literally could not remember who the people around me were after those, and once I took that hit, well, it all came right back to me! I thought I would never stop. I have used various forms of mind-altering substances since highschool. Today, I have discovered that it is a joy to be AWAKE for life!
It truly is for me... and you have clearly got a desire to experience something new and better. It is right at your fingertips. It is rigtht on the money what you said about the bitter pill to swallow (pardon the pun!) regarding knowing deep down that you have to let go of your friends. I know how hard that is. So hard in fact, that it is one of the most common things that takes some of us back out. We don't want to let go of those bonds. Well, maybe like Janet and like myself you will find that once in a while you will be able to connect from a safe distance, but for now you are doing the right thing beginning here. You will benefit so much from finding others who are just like you and we are all right here at your fingertips!
once you admit that you are an addict, then it becomes about accepting it. A whole 'nother ballgame - at least it was for me. It was EASY to say and to see I was an addict... I actually wore it like a badge! But to ACCEPT what that meant for me once I came to terms with that brutal fact that my life depended upon me stopping and staying stopped... well that was harder. I needed support - hard for a person like me who believes she is different and can do everything on her own. I can't and I am so relieved I don't have to. Neither do you! Keep coming back here... find meetings if you are willing, keep an open mind... keep sharing what you are going through!
You can do this!
amanda
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: laughing at my avatar
Posts: 1,636
Hi Dawn!
im dot and im an addict. meth is my doc. i also didnt realize in my doped up state that i never went home and that i only associated with users. one day i looked around and didnt like what i saw, it all happened so fast. i didnt need to party, it was a party every day for me and i barely was able to graduate high school.
i hope you are able to get away from your using friends. it is difficult. i sort of "grew up" (14 to almost 19) with my using friends and it was so lonely at first. lots of changes going on physically and mentally from being clean and it was just miserable. but things did improve! its 15 months later and i have a few clean friends and i am slowly rocking on with life.
i have thought about reaching out to some of the old people and then i decide not to for my own safety. i am too weak when it comes to meth. its sad to see them fall behind, but anything i do wont change their minds.
hang in there! you will rock on!
hugs,
dot
im dot and im an addict. meth is my doc. i also didnt realize in my doped up state that i never went home and that i only associated with users. one day i looked around and didnt like what i saw, it all happened so fast. i didnt need to party, it was a party every day for me and i barely was able to graduate high school.
i hope you are able to get away from your using friends. it is difficult. i sort of "grew up" (14 to almost 19) with my using friends and it was so lonely at first. lots of changes going on physically and mentally from being clean and it was just miserable. but things did improve! its 15 months later and i have a few clean friends and i am slowly rocking on with life.
i have thought about reaching out to some of the old people and then i decide not to for my own safety. i am too weak when it comes to meth. its sad to see them fall behind, but anything i do wont change their minds.
hang in there! you will rock on!
hugs,
dot
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Dawn,
Welcome to SR. It is sad to think of having to give up your old life, but sometimes that's what it takes to recover. We're here to offer you support and understanding. Hang around and get to know us.
Love, Anna
Welcome to SR. It is sad to think of having to give up your old life, but sometimes that's what it takes to recover. We're here to offer you support and understanding. Hang around and get to know us.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi Dawn..welcoming you to SR also. Out with the old, in with the new if it means keeping you clean and HAPPY, always good meeting new people too.
Wishing you all the best Dawn. This place is the best, you'll get the top support here with this gang.
Take care of YOU Dawn.
Love and hugs.....Denise
Wishing you all the best Dawn. This place is the best, you'll get the top support here with this gang.
Take care of YOU Dawn.
Love and hugs.....Denise
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 9
WOW I didn't expect that many responses. It was a welcomed surprise. I figure I can do this. The thing that gets me is this: I am not blowing my own horn here but I am the most responsible out of all my friends. I just graduated college (April 29) Up until my best friend since 3rd grade had a bad trip I thought I had everything under control. I mean I went to school, I was on the honor roll. All of that. I still managed to fit my partying in on the weekends. It is only when I decided to quit, did I realize how much I think about it. Being high I had the best times in my life, coming down were the worst. I will take one day at a time and try my best to stay clean. I have gone to NA but it didn't do anything for me. I didn't want to go, my b/f made me go. He is my only rock. We are married now, he is my husband and he has walked down this road with meth. He is clean and expects the same from me. The problem is that I met him when he was still using. He and my friend that had the bad trip are the two people I tried meth for the first time with. They were seasoned users. He got into recovery and she still uses. They are the most important people in my life. I can't shake the image of when she tripped out. She was waving her hands all around and rolling her eyes in the back of her head and saying weird things. In the begining she was able to tell me she thought that she was having a bad trip. I honest to God thought she was going to die. I kept telling her that I wanted to call the hospital and get her help, and that seemed to make her worse. So my sister, who is also a recovering addict, checked her pulse. It was normal. She told me to sit with her and watch her. If she hurt herself or anyone else we would have to call the police. I was so scared that she was going to die. It lasted about 3 hours. About 30 minutes you could tell she was out of it. I was so scared. I have never seen that happen to anyone before.
Anyhow I thank all of you for being so nice to me and supporting me even though I probably don't deserve any of it.
Thank you all.
Anyhow I thank all of you for being so nice to me and supporting me even though I probably don't deserve any of it.
Thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by DawnIsJustAGirl
...snip Anyhow I thank all of you for being so nice to me and supporting me even though I probably don't deserve any of it.
Thank you all.
Thank you all.
I hope you stick around and find what you need here.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: left of center
Posts: 68
Hey-
Of course you deserve it! You deserve love and you deserve a full life if that is what you want for yourself... And Dan is so right... you have embarked on a path to finding those means that work for you to find the support that you feel you need to stay clean a day at a time. You began here. it all goes forward if you want it to! And open mindedness can mean that you can try things as many times as you want in recovery to see if the changes in you have created a different vision. What didn't work for you yesterday JUST MIGHT Tomorrow...
I was quite the productive memeber of society for all outside appearances until my final ends in my addiction too! Man - how I did it I do NOT know... but I graduated college straight from highschool - in the top 25 of a class of 700 in high school, then deans list 4 years in a row in college. Got my degree and proceeded to run to the other side of the country to get away from all the authority I felt was towering over me controlling me... not to mention some pretty shameful skeletons in my closet from my college drinking days that I wanted to run from... Point is, I identify with your description of yourself... It is wonderful that your husband is already in recovery... that will very likely be of tremendous help to you... but you DO have to want this for yourself and I hear that from you in your words... you are on the way to a beautiful new way of experiencing life and I can tell you personally it is a joy each day I am really present to be a part of it all.
keep communicating!
amanda
Of course you deserve it! You deserve love and you deserve a full life if that is what you want for yourself... And Dan is so right... you have embarked on a path to finding those means that work for you to find the support that you feel you need to stay clean a day at a time. You began here. it all goes forward if you want it to! And open mindedness can mean that you can try things as many times as you want in recovery to see if the changes in you have created a different vision. What didn't work for you yesterday JUST MIGHT Tomorrow...
I was quite the productive memeber of society for all outside appearances until my final ends in my addiction too! Man - how I did it I do NOT know... but I graduated college straight from highschool - in the top 25 of a class of 700 in high school, then deans list 4 years in a row in college. Got my degree and proceeded to run to the other side of the country to get away from all the authority I felt was towering over me controlling me... not to mention some pretty shameful skeletons in my closet from my college drinking days that I wanted to run from... Point is, I identify with your description of yourself... It is wonderful that your husband is already in recovery... that will very likely be of tremendous help to you... but you DO have to want this for yourself and I hear that from you in your words... you are on the way to a beautiful new way of experiencing life and I can tell you personally it is a joy each day I am really present to be a part of it all.
keep communicating!
amanda
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