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How do I help my boyfriend???

Old 05-01-2013, 11:35 AM
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How do I help my boyfriend???

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. About two months into our relationship he opened up to me about his drug addiction. He has been in recovery from heroine addiction. He was doing so well...really getting his life together And staying sober. About 4 months ago I discovered that he had been taking Xanax since September. I finally convinced him to quit taking the Xanax. However, now he has found a doctor that prescribes him oxycodone. He tells me that he has back problems but I know he doesn't. The doctor has never required him to get any tests to diagnose any back issues and my boyfriend was fine without the pills before. Now he is a completely different person. He passes out in the middle of restaurants when were out to dinner and acts crazy on general. He gets irritated easily and last night he actually passed out walking up the stairs in our apartment. I don't know how to convince him that this is a problem. He thinks everything is fine and that I'm just being crazy but he is truly a different person. Please help me! I'm terrified he's going to die if he doesn't stop!!!
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:50 AM
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Addicts are a tough bunch, just ask one of us. My wife has tried to help me through the years and the honest answer is there's not much she could do. You have to want to on your own. No one can will anyone else clean I'm afraid.

Clear consequences that you're willing to follow through on are the most effective way to make him want it. There are support threads for friends and family of addicts. Best of luck to you.
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:51 AM
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Sorry for what brings you here, but welcome to SR. Hopefully you can find the information and support you need to cope with this issue.

Originally Posted by Craye21 View Post
I don't know how to convince him that this is a problem. He thinks everything is fine...
You can't. You aren't that powerful. If love and concern could cure addiction, we'd have no need for this site.
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Old 05-01-2013, 12:01 PM
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The only thing you can control is what you are willing to live with and at what point are his actions unacceptable to you. It all comes down to what you can live with. The only thing you can control is whether you stay or you leave.

I would put all my jewelry in a safe deposit box in the bank and make sure he doesn't have access to any of your money/bank accounts. As his addiction progresses he will most likely sell anything he can find to get drugs. Even though he has a script as he continues to take more and more he will start running out of pills before the end of the month earlier and earlier.

Please remember that you cannot make him quit, you can't rationalize with him, and you can't fix him.
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Old 05-01-2013, 12:13 PM
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Thank you everyone for your advice....I'm in law school so really being with him is a danger for me not just bc of the addiction but bc of the trouble it's causing him to get into. Unfortunately he already knows I'm not going to leave him...and when I did try he just started lying to me about everything. I'm just starting to become afraid for his life...I know he's taking more than he's supposed to...and my brother died from a drug overdose when I was a kid. It's like watching history repeat itself again.
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Old 05-01-2013, 12:15 PM
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Lots of info here in the Friends and Family section:

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 05-01-2013, 12:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Craye21 View Post
Unfortunately he already knows I'm not going to leave him...
With no consequences for his actions, what motivation has he to change?

I hope you will use the link to the friends and family section to read the experiences of others who have already walked the journey you are about to take. One year is a short time, really. I'm not saying leave. But don't sign on to "forever" until you fully understand what forever, with an active addict, means.
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Old 05-01-2013, 12:35 PM
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Hi Craye21. I'm sorry to read of the situation with your boyfriend. I was faced with the same problem many years ago. After I just couldn't take the misery and heartache anymore I broke it off with him. I still loved him, but it was easier to watch him destroy himself from a distance, rather than up close. Please put your own well being first. You cannot help anyone who doesn't want to be helped.
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Old 05-01-2013, 03:12 PM
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Only you can say how much you're willing to tolerate from your bf. For me, lying would be a deal breaker right there. But the using and denial are just more trouble. Remember, you cannot reason with him. He's an addict and will protect his addiction. Please take a read on that link for friends and family. Post your situation there and see their take on it. They have been in your shoes and they understand.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:09 PM
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Craye I am also in law school and you were right in acknowledging that he can bring you down. If he has drugs in your house and he gets arrested or you are together and he has drugs then you could get arrested and then your dreams of being a lawyer are done. Also, remember that when we apply to the bar we have to basically tell them about every little part of our lives and if you get into any trouble with the law then it will come up and it could put a flag on your account.

You are extremely intelligent and have big plans for the future. Don't let anyone stand it your way or compromise your dreams. Make some boundaries and don't let him cross them. He puts his addiction first, it is time you put yourself first.
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