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Old 05-01-2013, 11:28 AM
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Hi

Hi--I'm new to this site, but not to recovery from codependence. I am finding it so helpful to be reading the book on "Letting Go" on this site. Have to start slowly again...
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:30 AM
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Welcome to SR
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:31 AM
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Welcome to SR! It's great to have another member of the community
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:32 AM
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Iris, I am kind of new to co-dependency and I could use some advice.
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Old 05-01-2013, 11:46 AM
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My BF is in medication assisted therapy from a serious opiate addiction of 35 years duration (on and off). He has been doing really well for the past week or so. Just started on subs last week, and we've both been so happy. This morning, when I gave him his medication strip he put it in his pocket, and said that he wanted to take it mid-day because when he took it in the morning, he would start to jones by nighttime. I suggested that maybe he take half in the morning and half at night. A little while later his boss called, but it didn't neccessarily sound to me like he was talking to his boss. I also saw him looking out the window, and he said he heard a dog barking and wanted to see what the fuss was about? His user x-girlfriend has been to our house before. So I started to get suspicious, and 1) asked him to PLEASE take at least half of his medication in front of me, which he did and then 2)asked to see his phone (and in fact, it was his boss who had called). And he was like "you REALLY don't trust me do you. it kind of hurts my feelings." So am I just being insecure? I guess that's an understatement right. Question, how can I support his recovery and "trust but verify" without leaving him feeling violated? Also, I know I can't monitor him every minute of every hour of every day, but I do find myself checking his phone, and I'm paranoid that I know people are still texting and calling him and trying to tempt him. Thus far he hasn't really done anything to betray my trust, but I am constantly paranoid. In truth, he could just use if and when he wanted to and I would never know it. How can I stop myself from constantly questionning him? What IS a HEALTHY boundary when I am trying to support him in his recovery, but not be a stalker? Where is the balance between "trust but verify"?
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:06 PM
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No answers but to work the program

Hi Divinespark...wish I had answers, but I have none...and have gone through two daughters who were into drugs and have another one now who is addicted to Heroin. However, I can say that when I work the codependency program...I am able to deal with life as it is...and to begin to get healthier myself and to trust my HP better to solve what is out of my control. I don't know if this helps...but this is the only things that works for me...to let go of controlling and trying to fix...and for this...I try to work the twelve steps for codependency...i am also a member of Naranon online. I am back because being away wasn't enough to help me continue to get better. Good luck and let me hug you.
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:34 PM
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If you don't trust, the relationship won't work. You must have trust, and trust doesn't involve checking up on someone's phone to see who they're texting and talking to. I hope that you step back and work on your recovery. Have you tried AlAnon?
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Old 05-01-2013, 05:58 PM
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Thanks Anna

Your words about trust were great. I have had to learn to trust my higher power and to trust my husband more...along with each child that has gone through addiction...and am back in that space with the heroin addict daughter. Nar anon is a good place for me now...have done Al anon in the past.
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