Beavis

I'm going to be the non example for the group. Just do the opposite of everything I do and you'll be fine. Look, there goes Beavis again...
I think that preparing for this party is triggering the AV. Part of me wants to party and part of me wants relief from the stress.

Dee74

I know you're joking (or half joking) bea - but don't settle for that.

Can you delegate some of this party stuff?

can you get away for an hour or so just for some you time - i'm not sure if you do meetings or not, but even if not, just a little time to yourself for quiet comtemplation might help?

I know you don't want to be the 'non example' - focus on the Beavis you want to be.
You can do this - absolutely
D

Fitness1234

Having a tough day today with AV... was fine up.until the last hr or so..lucky I have 6 more hrs to settle down.. I keep.telling my self no is the only option

Powderpink

Hi, I'm totally joining the May 2013 class. Here's hoping in May 2014 I don't have to think about another years worth of horrible and embarrassing I've done while drunk.

waynetheking

Thats what alcohol does. It makes you do and say things that are ugly. Lets don't ever go there again.

Beavis

It's weird riding the different waves. Sometimes I don't want to drink at all. Tonight I feel very strong and committed again to being sober. And then a powerful craving wave will come, and I'm like, where did that come from?

Last night, I almost emailed my brother, which would have been a disaster. We haven't spoken to each other for almost 4 years because of a falling out. I was going to email him a link to the song, "How's it Gonna Be," but I was too stupid drunk to find his address.

Dee74

welcome powepink
D

nowme

I too feel up and down, I guess it goes with the territory ( I can hear my mother saying this) ha! This morning I woke up and everything was great until my husband started yelling at me. I understand he is upset with me. I have really messed up our finances and our car and his light in his truck he will yell at me and then apologize and then back to the yelling. When he would do this when I was not sober I would head for the bedroom pop some Xanax, and go to the refrigerator to get a beer. Now that I'm sober I can not do this! I have to deal with it. It is very frustrating. Yrs, I screwed up, yes I am an idiot , no there is nothing to say to change things. He continues to ask me why? Why? I'm at the point I just want to make up something but it will not be true. I did it all plain and simple because I have a problem. I guess I need to grin and deal with it. That is what I did today. Well, I did not grin I just sat there and tried to have " an adult conversation" which means to him I can't get up and leave. I had a fleeting thought of going and getting a beer, because he has some in the fridge. I was very tempted but I sat there and listened and listened and listened. Finally he was done and said he was sorry. I have been controlled by him for a very long time. He is right, everything he said was true. Will I have to put up with this forever?? He tells me that I better not ever leave because I would just be on the street, that for everything he has dealt with it would be so unfair for me to leave. I thought we could/should go to counseling but NO, he is right I am wrong and I need to be mature and deal with it. I am stuck. I love him and he can be really great but when he starts downing me and expects me to say yes, honey your right it drives me insane. I know he cares for me or he would not be here. He thinks there is something wrong with him because he can't leave me???? I have used our whole marriage and so has he, now I'm sober and I'm debating if it is healthy for me to stay. I do feel obligated because he has always said, watch you will get sober and leave me. Can anyone relate???

Dee74

I think you need to give things time now me...things may improve or they may not, but you really need to focus on you for now.

Get yourself together, get well...then you can look at your life with clear eyes and decide what, if anything, needs fixing...

D

nowme

Thank you Dee, good advice as usual. I need to breathe I am quite the rambler.

GroundhogDay

Day 8 for me. I feel like my brain and stomach lining are "under construction" as they heal. I hope that I feel normal by the one month mark like others seem to.

takingbackmylif

Hi all,

My experiences with the up and down feelings....It's that freedom from alcohol. It's quite liberating. It's a feeling of victory over something that has control over me. I feel healthy and energetic. However, in the beginning it is short lived. Next, I get hit with my AV, essentially my addiction. It's a chemical addiction. The substance has created a dependency within my brain neurons.

And then the uncertainty of "what is happening"? What's with this roller coaster?

Well, it takes time just to separate those emotions. I've been trying really hard to quite for 3 years. I haven't been able to beat this yet, though I'm very determined this time.

There are times for me when I quit drinking, when I get what feels to be like a mental shock. It pumps up my emotions because my brain just reminded me that I'm done work in 1/2 hour and I get to stop at liquor store for booze. And for a few seconds, I'm like, yeah, let's do this. I get excited. And then I realize that those feelings were involuntary or a reflex. Then I have to pull myself out of that mindset quickly.

Good night, going to bed. Ready for day 4

Fight the good fight....Stay Strong May-tees, I can't do this by myself! I've proved that!

Elly40

I haven't had too many cravings today, maybe one or two, but they passed pretty quickly, Just about to head to bed but thought I'd check in here to see how everyone's doing.

It's funny how things work out, I went to the Dr today and she gave me a prescription for a month long course of antibiotics, turns out you can't drink alcohol while taking them. They act the same way as an antibuse drug and if you drink alcohol make you extremely sick. When I found that out I was actually really relieved, that I know for the next 30 odd days I can't drink....no exceptions. So the time I'm finished the course I will have over 40 days without a drink. It gives me some good distance from my last drink...Never thought I would be excited about starting a course of antibiotics, kill two birds with one stone lol.

Nite All and stay strong

MyLi

Sounds like I wrote that myself 😪

Beavis

Nowme- good for you for dealing with that and being strong.
I was in a controlling relationship in High School. He kept telling me that I couldn't leave him because I would have no friends. It sounds a little like what he said to you. They know the one thing that scares you the most to keep you hooked. There was other stuff he did and it took me two years to leave. It was the most liberating moment of my life. I agree withDee. Don't do anything drastic right now.
But you could start by drawing boundaries with him. It sounds like you messed up, and you are taking responsibility for that and are working on your sobriety. It's ok for him to talk about frustrations, but never ok to yell. It's also ok to move on from mistakes. Just because you made mistakes, does not entitle him to do that. There are no answers to the why questions right now.

justjake816

May it is then, took my last drink around noon yesterday the 8th... brand new to this site as of last night. Looks great, and happy to be here.
Snoogins

sober1ck

My AV triggers are sometimes where I'm driving, I figure out there's a pickup location on the way. I am no fan for talking on the phone, but making a call on the way home in the scenario has helped.

You've already done "telling on the AV" so that neutralizes a lot... I've fallen though when I didn't tell on it soon enough.

I also think the fact that you kept it simple (no is the only option) is a big plus. I can get sucked down the vortex when I started analyzing... that's where my AV starts "reasoning"

Dee74

welcome Jake

D

sober1ck

I'm sometimes better at regurgitating good-sounding advice instead of just taking it myself... but what you said reminded me of encouraging words from someone else's story.... someone told him, when he was pretty well bottomed out, "you never have to feel this way again if you don't want to."

He says that it has been true, in spite of life's not being fair and fun realities like that.... he never had to feel trapped by his addiction after that day

sober1ck

Ugh, it's sometimes uncomfortable to hear somewhen else tell me my issues. I'm such a mean drunk. So yes, "Lets don't ever go there again."

Thank you