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I made a bit of progress today

Old 04-30-2013, 08:29 PM
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Better when never is never
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I made a bit of progress today

Someone asked me out for a drink this afternoon and I said, "Thanks, but I don't drink."
I didn't flinch.
I didn't second guess myself.
I didn't word it in such a way as to leave any wiggle room.
I didn't explain it further or make up false excuses.
I just said it as a matter of fact.
The other person didn't really seem to care, but it was major for me.
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Old 04-30-2013, 10:07 PM
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I'm so proud of you. I don't drink.
It is nice to say it and there is not a big deal attached to it. Congrats!
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Old 04-30-2013, 10:54 PM
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That's awesome!
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Old 04-30-2013, 10:59 PM
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What a great feeling!!
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Old 04-30-2013, 11:33 PM
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NICE!
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Old 04-30-2013, 11:55 PM
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That is awesome Jazzfish! Very inspiring, I love it!
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Old 04-30-2013, 11:57 PM
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Fantasic
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Old 05-01-2013, 01:27 AM
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!!!
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Old 05-01-2013, 07:41 AM
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I so want to be able to say that too... I don't drink...but the thought of never drinking again makes me feel life is going to be so flat. I'm terribly lonely, but trying to meet new people, joined a meetup group in my community, not a dating thing, haven't met with them yet, there's a plan to meet for wings and movie next week at a bar near the movie theatre. I'd like to meet new ppl and say I don't drink. I feel really low and hideous, drank a bootle of wine again last night, it's a horrible dirty secret, I just keep giving in, and am terribly ashamed..
I dread the summer, I used to love it with my husband, we were very active, so miss him, dated a couple of losers in the past two years, I want to work on myself, and break away from this loser partner, alcohol.

I really admire what you did and said, does it help you to sort of re identify yourself?
Best of luck!
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Old 05-01-2013, 07:45 AM
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Thanks for that amazing, inspirational message, jazzfish!
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Old 05-01-2013, 07:49 AM
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woooo hoooo!

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Old 05-01-2013, 08:22 AM
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simple and clear.
way to go!
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:27 AM
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Leshar,
great that you're making efforts to meet new people.
just a caution, though, about meeting them at a bar. sounds like it could be a difficult place to be early in sobriety when meeting new people.

not saying don't do it, but planning ahead worked out well for me, so it might pay off for you to imagine yourself in that bar with new people and imagine the different scenarios that would likely come up and visualize yourself handling them.
seems likely the get-together would involve people next to you choosing drinks, buying drinks, drinking drinks.
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:38 AM
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Originally Posted by Leshar View Post
...joined a meetup group in my community, not a dating thing, haven't met with them yet, there's a plan to meet for wings and movie next week at a bar near the movie theatre. I'd like to meet new ppl and say I don't drink.
Skip the meet ups at the bar and you won't have to say you don't drink, or explain why not.

Later, when you've got a few months of solid recovery under your belt, wings at a bar might be a doable social event. Not now. Not so close on the heels of your recent relapse.
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:42 AM
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Fini, thanks, that is an excellent idea.
I appreciate the support. Don't know what to drink non alcoholic that is served in bars!
Maybe there's a thread on that, will check.
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:44 AM
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That is great Jazzfish.....and so are you for owning your sobriety!
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:45 AM
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To Doggonecarl, yes I see what you mean, but I so desperately want to get out of house, isolation drives my drinking.
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Old 05-01-2013, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Leshar View Post
To Doggonecarl, yes I see what you mean, but I so desperately want to get out of house, isolation drives my drinking.
I didn't say stay home. I suggested you don't go to a bar. Isolation may play a part, but when you get down to it, alcohol drives your drinking. No one is in recovery for being alone. We are recovering from our dependence on alcohol.

You are going to do what you are going to do. Just be cautious. I wish you well.
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Old 05-01-2013, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Leshar View Post
does it help you to sort of re identify yourself?
It felt incredibly liberating to just put it out there and to finally just acknowledge who I am and want to be. I don't know if it is re identify myself, but definitely be true to who I want to be.
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Old 05-01-2013, 03:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Leshar View Post
Fini, thanks, that is an excellent idea.
I appreciate the support. Don't know what to drink non alcoholic that is served in bars!
Maybe there's a thread on that, will check.
Leshar,
there's seltzer and pop at all bars.
if i'd been more blunt,though , i would have said what Carl said

the planning helped me when i did decide to go to events where i knew there would be people drinking.
but for a while, at the beginning, i didn't go anywhere where people are drinking.

there are meet-up groups that meet in places other than bars.
you drank last night.
visualize joining a non-drinking meet-up group that shares something you're also interested in.
or a meet-up recovery support group.

if sobriety is what you're aiming for it makes sense to put yourself in a non-drinking environment with non-drinking people. put sobriety first.
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