I made a bit of progress today
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
I made a bit of progress today
Someone asked me out for a drink this afternoon and I said, "Thanks, but I don't drink."
I didn't flinch.
I didn't second guess myself.
I didn't word it in such a way as to leave any wiggle room.
I didn't explain it further or make up false excuses.
I just said it as a matter of fact.
The other person didn't really seem to care, but it was major for me.
I didn't flinch.
I didn't second guess myself.
I didn't word it in such a way as to leave any wiggle room.
I didn't explain it further or make up false excuses.
I just said it as a matter of fact.
The other person didn't really seem to care, but it was major for me.
!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,994
I so want to be able to say that too... I don't drink...but the thought of never drinking again makes me feel life is going to be so flat. I'm terribly lonely, but trying to meet new people, joined a meetup group in my community, not a dating thing, haven't met with them yet, there's a plan to meet for wings and movie next week at a bar near the movie theatre. I'd like to meet new ppl and say I don't drink. I feel really low and hideous, drank a bootle of wine again last night, it's a horrible dirty secret, I just keep giving in, and am terribly ashamed..
I dread the summer, I used to love it with my husband, we were very active, so miss him, dated a couple of losers in the past two years, I want to work on myself, and break away from this loser partner, alcohol.
I really admire what you did and said, does it help you to sort of re identify yourself?
Best of luck!
I dread the summer, I used to love it with my husband, we were very active, so miss him, dated a couple of losers in the past two years, I want to work on myself, and break away from this loser partner, alcohol.
I really admire what you did and said, does it help you to sort of re identify yourself?
Best of luck!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Leshar,
great that you're making efforts to meet new people.
just a caution, though, about meeting them at a bar. sounds like it could be a difficult place to be early in sobriety when meeting new people.
not saying don't do it, but planning ahead worked out well for me, so it might pay off for you to imagine yourself in that bar with new people and imagine the different scenarios that would likely come up and visualize yourself handling them.
seems likely the get-together would involve people next to you choosing drinks, buying drinks, drinking drinks.
great that you're making efforts to meet new people.
just a caution, though, about meeting them at a bar. sounds like it could be a difficult place to be early in sobriety when meeting new people.
not saying don't do it, but planning ahead worked out well for me, so it might pay off for you to imagine yourself in that bar with new people and imagine the different scenarios that would likely come up and visualize yourself handling them.
seems likely the get-together would involve people next to you choosing drinks, buying drinks, drinking drinks.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Leshar 
...joined a meetup group in my community, not a dating thing, haven't met with them yet, there's a plan to meet for wings and movie next week at a bar near the movie theatre. I'd like to meet new ppl and say I don't drink.
Later, when you've got a few months of solid recovery under your belt, wings at a bar might be a doable social event. Not now. Not so close on the heels of your recent relapse.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Leshar
To Doggonecarl, yes I see what you mean, but I so desperately want to get out of house, isolation drives my drinking.
You are going to do what you are going to do. Just be cautious. I wish you well.
Better when never is never
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by Leshar
does it help you to sort of re identify yourself?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Originally Posted by Leshar
Fini, thanks, that is an excellent idea.
I appreciate the support. Don't know what to drink non alcoholic that is served in bars!
Maybe there's a thread on that, will check.
I appreciate the support. Don't know what to drink non alcoholic that is served in bars!
Maybe there's a thread on that, will check.
there's seltzer and pop at all bars.
if i'd been more blunt,though , i would have said what Carl said
the planning helped me when i did decide to go to events where i knew there would be people drinking.
but for a while, at the beginning, i didn't go anywhere where people are drinking.
there are meet-up groups that meet in places other than bars.
you drank last night.
visualize joining a non-drinking meet-up group that shares something you're also interested in.
or a meet-up recovery support group.
if sobriety is what you're aiming for it makes sense to put yourself in a non-drinking environment with non-drinking people. put sobriety first.
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