Notices

How do I get my friends to support me?

Old 04-29-2013, 08:42 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 22
How do I get my friends to support me?

Most of my 'friend' think I'm overreacting for wanted to stop drinking. How do I get them to help me on my road to sobriety ? Or is it time to make new friends/ supporters?
Jackie3 is offline  
Old 04-29-2013, 08:52 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
That is up to you. Even in our families we may not get the type of support we want. The thing about this is that it is important how you feel. If you think you have a problem then you have a problem. It shouldn't matter to your friends if you drink or not. They are friends. Drinking is not a requirement for friendship. If it seems like it is then yes find new friends.
Mizzuno is offline  
Old 04-29-2013, 09:07 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
robgt350's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
well as for me, i took it totally on my self. i did not seek approval to stop drinking from any one. i would go as far to say, if they are not supporting me to stop drinking, then they want me to continue drinking. then i would avoid them.
robgt350 is offline  
Old 04-29-2013, 09:35 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
I had a bit of a chat with a friend last week about this same situation.
She wants to stop, and when she is almost there, her male friend brings the booze, and cycle begins again.
I asked if he respects her desire to deal with her drinking?
Turns out, he felt "threatened" when she was sober and getting stronger.
He hid that, but she saw the truth, at first suspicious him and why he was not taking her drinking problem seriously.
Well, he drinks and if she stops, he may have to "adjust" things to, and that is a "fear" in them, though they may not expose it. It disguised into a guilt trip a, "not part of" type of thing.

What they both do it's up to them, but I have heard this similar circumstance a few times in my sobriety.

In the end, something has to give....,

A lady friend in my early sobriety kept drinking....her friends were around who drank and I knew I just cannot drink and be "normal" like they were.
Then I got the " ha ha look at us, we drink", look.
That was it for me, so I left and never looked back.

Today, I do not know where all my ex drinking fraternity is, everyone has move on.
Pete55 is offline  
Old 04-29-2013, 10:55 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,672
If they are not supportive, just go your own way in sobriety. If they are actively trying to get you to drink then you may need new friends.
least is online now  
Old 04-29-2013, 11:01 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
 
ElegantlyWasted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Do what you think is best... From personal experience and what I've been exposed to, for most people trying to get in the habit of not drinking its a really good idea to surround your self with support and not be around booz if you can avoid it, for at least a while.
ElegantlyWasted is offline  
Old 04-29-2013, 11:26 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
noanxtime's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
It only matters what you think. People I know might be a bit surprised when I tell them I don't drink (shocked, for some), and may think - as my own husband, and former drinking buddy thought - I wasn't "that bad". Yes, I was. My poor liver agreed in some negative lab tests and the drinking stopped quite abruptly.
Gone within a week was the anxiety centering around driving, eating - random panic attacks. The weight I didn't really 'need' to lose but could use coming off - did. Thanks to the steady stream of sugar calories in box wine being cut off and replaced by normal eating.
Did I know it was time even before the blood was drawn? Yes - it was beyond time to stop, however not easy, sleep problems, a return of a brain that seems to run on overtime with thoughts of ideas and projects that there is not enough time in the day to acomplish. This last issue, I'm thinking is one of the reasons drinking was kind of a 'fix' to dull the running thoughts as well as trying to self medicate for multiple issues and stresses. Obviously, this harmed more than helped.
Good luck to you - it does get better!
noanxtime is offline  
Old 04-30-2013, 04:36 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Spinach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
The support of my wife was crucial, the acknowledgement of friends was helpful if they wanted me to drink I couldn't see them if they said ok not for me ,all fine. Now even the guys who didn't like it just accept I don't drink anymore , it's no crisis for anyone else.
Though my wife hardly drinks so it was easier.
John.
Oh good luck.
Spinach is offline  
Old 04-30-2013, 05:12 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
aasharon90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,201
Thumbs up

I wanted so much for my family to stand
strong beside me as I took steps to stay
sober each day. I wanted them to truly
understand me as an alcoholic with no
questions asked.

Yes, they supported my recovery, but,
because none of them had problems
with alcohol or drugs, they didn't see
the need to babysit me. They all had
their own agendas in life and continued
to live life to the fullest without hesitation.

As much as I tried to explain all that I
was feeling, my ups and downs, my ever
changing moods, changes in life, I eventually
got tired of explaining and making them
understand me and my recovery.

I eventually, got sick and tired of not
accepting them just the way they were
and are and just let them be.

I realized that this is my recovery, my life
and it is up to me to be responsible for my
own program of recovery and not worry
about anyone else. My recovery belongs
to me and I shouldn't have placed expectations
on my own family or friends to help me.

The support I really needed and found was
amongst others in recovery just like I. Members
who definitely understood me and knew exactly
where I was coming from.

What a blessing and gift to have in the fellowship
within the rooms of recovery.
aasharon90 is offline  
Old 04-30-2013, 05:43 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
I don't think you can 'get' them to support you. If they do, that's good, but if not, just move on. You may need new friends or just to stay away from the old friends for awhile.
Anna is offline  
Old 04-30-2013, 05:56 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
 
flutter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
I had to change my whole life to support my recovery.. the life and people in it that I had built was totally built around the 'old' me. Unfortunately (or fortunately), most all of my friends had to go as they didn't match up with my new lifestyle.
flutter is offline  
Old 04-30-2013, 06:09 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maylie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Some friends will understand and some won't. In fact, some of your friends might be in denial about their own problem and are therefore not able to support you since it would force them to analyze their own behavior.

I found that making new friends was the best option. I was entering a new chapter in my life and found that now that I was giving recovery everything I had the types of friends I had when I was using just didn't fit into my new lifestyle. We had different goals in life and it would have been unfair for me to expect them to change.

I found friends that don't use drugs and it was refreshing. I even got rid of my old friends that were supporting me because there was always a chance they could tempt me. Also, I associated using with those friends so even if they didn't try to tempt me they could still be a trigger for me.

Do what you feel is best for you and your recovery. Don't be afraid to find new friends and accept that you are moving into a new phase into your life and that requires change.
Maylie is offline  
Old 04-30-2013, 08:42 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 22
Thank you everyone for your great advice.
Jackie3 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:23 PM.