How do I get my friends to support me?

Old 04-29-2013, 09:42 PM
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How do I get my friends to support me?

Most of my 'friend' think I'm overreacting for wanted to stop drinking. How do I get them to help me on my road to sobriety ? Or is it time to make new friends/ supporters?
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Old 04-29-2013, 09:52 PM
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That is up to you. Even in our families we may not get the type of support we want. The thing about this is that it is important how you feel. If you think you have a problem then you have a problem. It shouldn't matter to your friends if you drink or not. They are friends. Drinking is not a requirement for friendship. If it seems like it is then yes find new friends.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:07 PM
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well as for me, i took it totally on my self. i did not seek approval to stop drinking from any one. i would go as far to say, if they are not supporting me to stop drinking, then they want me to continue drinking. then i would avoid them.
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Old 04-29-2013, 10:35 PM
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I had a bit of a chat with a friend last week about this same situation.
She wants to stop, and when she is almost there, her male friend brings the booze, and cycle begins again.
I asked if he respects her desire to deal with her drinking?
Turns out, he felt "threatened" when she was sober and getting stronger.
He hid that, but she saw the truth, at first suspicious him and why he was not taking her drinking problem seriously.
Well, he drinks and if she stops, he may have to "adjust" things to, and that is a "fear" in them, though they may not expose it. It disguised into a guilt trip a, "not part of" type of thing.

What they both do it's up to them, but I have heard this similar circumstance a few times in my sobriety.

In the end, something has to give....,

A lady friend in my early sobriety kept drinking....her friends were around who drank and I knew I just cannot drink and be "normal" like they were.
Then I got the " ha ha look at us, we drink", look.
That was it for me, so I left and never looked back.

Today, I do not know where all my ex drinking fraternity is, everyone has move on.
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Old 04-29-2013, 11:55 PM
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If they are not supportive, just go your own way in sobriety. If they are actively trying to get you to drink then you may need new friends.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:01 AM
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Do what you think is best... From personal experience and what I've been exposed to, for most people trying to get in the habit of not drinking its a really good idea to surround your self with support and not be around booz if you can avoid it, for at least a while.
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Old 04-30-2013, 12:26 AM
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It only matters what you think. People I know might be a bit surprised when I tell them I don't drink (shocked, for some), and may think - as my own husband, and former drinking buddy thought - I wasn't "that bad". Yes, I was. My poor liver agreed in some negative lab tests and the drinking stopped quite abruptly.
Gone within a week was the anxiety centering around driving, eating - random panic attacks. The weight I didn't really 'need' to lose but could use coming off - did. Thanks to the steady stream of sugar calories in box wine being cut off and replaced by normal eating.
Did I know it was time even before the blood was drawn? Yes - it was beyond time to stop, however not easy, sleep problems, a return of a brain that seems to run on overtime with thoughts of ideas and projects that there is not enough time in the day to acomplish. This last issue, I'm thinking is one of the reasons drinking was kind of a 'fix' to dull the running thoughts as well as trying to self medicate for multiple issues and stresses. Obviously, this harmed more than helped.
Good luck to you - it does get better!
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Old 04-30-2013, 05:36 AM
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The support of my wife was crucial, the acknowledgement of friends was helpful if they wanted me to drink I couldn't see them if they said ok not for me ,all fine. Now even the guys who didn't like it just accept I don't drink anymore , it's no crisis for anyone else.
Though my wife hardly drinks so it was easier.
Oh good luck.
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Old 04-30-2013, 06:12 AM
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Thumbs up

I wanted so much for my family to stand
strong beside me as I took steps to stay
sober each day. I wanted them to truly
understand me as an alcoholic with no
questions asked.

Yes, they supported my recovery, but,
because none of them had problems
with alcohol or drugs, they didn't see
the need to babysit me. They all had
their own agendas in life and continued
to live life to the fullest without hesitation.

As much as I tried to explain all that I
was feeling, my ups and downs, my ever
changing moods, changes in life, I eventually
got tired of explaining and making them
understand me and my recovery.

I eventually, got sick and tired of not
accepting them just the way they were
and are and just let them be.

I realized that this is my recovery, my life
and it is up to me to be responsible for my
own program of recovery and not worry
about anyone else. My recovery belongs
to me and I shouldn't have placed expectations
on my own family or friends to help me.

The support I really needed and found was
amongst others in recovery just like I. Members
who definitely understood me and knew exactly
where I was coming from.

What a blessing and gift to have in the fellowship
within the rooms of recovery.
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Old 04-30-2013, 06:43 AM
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I don't think you can 'get' them to support you. If they do, that's good, but if not, just move on. You may need new friends or just to stay away from the old friends for awhile.
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Old 04-30-2013, 06:56 AM
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Thriving sober since 12/18/08
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I had to change my whole life to support my recovery.. the life and people in it that I had built was totally built around the 'old' me. Unfortunately (or fortunately), most all of my friends had to go as they didn't match up with my new lifestyle.
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Old 04-30-2013, 07:09 AM
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Some friends will understand and some won't. In fact, some of your friends might be in denial about their own problem and are therefore not able to support you since it would force them to analyze their own behavior.

I found that making new friends was the best option. I was entering a new chapter in my life and found that now that I was giving recovery everything I had the types of friends I had when I was using just didn't fit into my new lifestyle. We had different goals in life and it would have been unfair for me to expect them to change.

I found friends that don't use drugs and it was refreshing. I even got rid of my old friends that were supporting me because there was always a chance they could tempt me. Also, I associated using with those friends so even if they didn't try to tempt me they could still be a trigger for me.

Do what you feel is best for you and your recovery. Don't be afraid to find new friends and accept that you are moving into a new phase into your life and that requires change.
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Old 04-30-2013, 09:42 AM
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Thank you everyone for your great advice.
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