Cliche "back to square one" thread :-/
 

Hey everyone, I'm not to to this site...formally under the username "BillyWeaver" but I forgot my password so I just made a new username. :-) I was doing pretty decent, only had a few slip ups the past few months however I went out this past weekend and got totally hammered on Saturday night. This lead to drinking majority of the day Sunday which led to the inevitable withdraw/anxiety yesterday and today. I called into work (which I hate) so here I am. I love this place and even though I don't post much I lurk often. I was set up for failure before, didn't have a "plan" in place. I want to recommit. I have a wife and two beautiful sons. I can barely even remember parts of Saturday night. How pathetic is that ? Thanks for listening ! (Posting from the new sober recovery app) pretty awesome but I hate typing on a phone so I apologize for the format of this post. :-p

:welcome We've all had day ones, some have had many day ones. I know I did. But once I took the option of drinking off the table I was successful.:) And I want to be sober more than I want to drink. (as CarolD used to say) That and counseling and this site have kept me sober over three years.:)

Welcome back Billy :)

The only way I got anywhere was to cut out alcohol completely - no slips ands or buts.
is that the plan now for you?

D

Yes that is the plan. I've had this ridiculous "fantasy" that I would one day be able to drink normally, only drink at special occasions blah blah blah. You all know The routine . I can honestly say I am an alcoholic. I cannot drink normally. It's just kind of scary? To admit it, especially to others. I hate the thought f others looking at me like I am weak etc. Sorry to ramble on but yes that is the plan. Just putting it into action is what I need to do.

I HATE feeling like this. Still hungover/sick ish/ major anxiety from my binge. Hate it hate it hate it.

Thanks for coming back, Billy. I need to hear this today.

Alcoholism is not a character defect, so no need to feel like you are weak and ashamed. Just regroup and figure out changes you can make so that it doesn't happen again. :)

The strongest people I know are in recovery. They had the courage to admit they needed change in their life....and they did it...they didn't just talk or dream about it. You aren't weak for being an alcoholic; you are awesome! We are all awesome!

Thanks for the responses everyone . Much appreciated

Very happy to see you back - I remember you well. :)

I once dreaded having to cut it out completely, but every time I tried to moderate it was a miserable failure. I really wanted to be able to have one now and then, but there was no such thing as 'one' for me - ever. Picking up led to danger and unpredictable circumstances. It's great to be free. You can do it.

Thanks everyone . Still unsure if I want to attend AA. I do have a copy of the Big Book. Perhaps I will start there ? I keep reading / hearings its more than just "quitting drinking" that there are a lot of intangibles, that its more of a lifestyle change etc. I guess I'm at the point where I know "how to stop drinking " if that makes any sense, but a bit unsure a to how I "change my life". Idk maybe I'm talking in circles here and not making much sense lol.

I read the big book and should probably do it again. Well I read it more than once. They have it on line. Some of the stuff you say is in the big book. They also have the 12 steps its good to read before you go to bed. Also I state what I am thankful for and that includes my family. I also attended AA and most of the stories others had where just like me. There is day one which you and so on. First part is knowing you have a drinking problem. You also have to remember that as I do have one and one drink always leads to more and more. Take care.

I'm at the point where I know "how to stop drinking " if that makes any sense, but a bit unsure a to how I "change my life".

I knew how to stop drinking, I did it hundred's of times over the years. Staying stopped and not picking up again was much tougher.

It's true, you need to change your life, if you want to get and stay sober. But it's not as hard as you might think, if you are willing. In the Big Book it's referred to as a spiritual awakening, and that part always kept me skeptical of AA. I thought I needed to get hit by a lightening bolt and hear angels singing.

I found out that wasn't true. The BB was written in the 1930's so some of the language is archaic and dated. However, a veteran AA member pointed out in a meeting (which is a good place to learn about AA) that the BB addresses this in appendix II on page 567. The spiritual experience is really a change in your attitudes and behaviors towards events in life. For me that made it a lot easier to understand. I know how to do that, and I can change those things about me with the tools I learn in the program.

It doesn't happen overnight, but you probably didn't become an alcoholic overnight either.

I'm so glad you wrote that, because it's exactly where I am too... again :-(

Good luck.

We only have to admit it to ourselves.

Giving up the idea that one day i will be able to drink again, in the end was
Liberating for me. Glad i was able to take that step, but i struggled with the on again off stuff for years.