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lost and confused

Old 04-29-2013, 06:05 AM
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lost and confused

I've been married to my husband less then a year but has been with him for 6 years this Aug. I'm not a drinker anymore. I just don't see the fun in it, but my husband is a drinker. Now mind you he does not drink all the time but it's more on the weekends or when he is around someone that is a drinker. He used to be really bad and viloent with me, is not anymore and he is more verbal then anything. I try not to let it bother me, but that doesn't work. I have 2 young kids that have seen enough and my youngest is starting to have the same attitude that his father has my oldest just goes to his room cause he does not like his dad when he is drinking. Now my husbands family is all a big drinker. We seem to fight more when he is drinking then when he is sober. I stay home and take kids into my home (babysit) now mind you I love doing this. But when it comes to my husband I don't do anything at all, I laze around the house and do nothing. (but the house is cleaned up and the laundry is done and supper is on the table) that is what he classes as doing nothing all day. I'm lost, I need someone to talk to for support, now believe me i can have my bad days but who doesn't right. I can also feel like acting like him sometimes when he comes home and be drunk myself but I was raised 2 wrongs don't make a right. Now I also have drinkers on my side of the family cause my father is a drinker. I have no where's else to turn, i love my husband very much and don't want to leave him, and i know that he loves me as well, it's just when he drinks, he makes me feel so little that i'm not worth anything. And i need some help to be able to block his comments out of my head so that I don't feel so little. When he is not drinking he is such a better person, The person that I fell in love with, it just seems that the drinking has lost that person and he's not even sure how to get that person back( he used to be so sweet and caring) now he's angry and we all are walking on egg shells when he's home, we're not sure what is gonna walk through that door at the end of day. Please Help I'm so confused and lost I don't know what to do anymore.
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Old 04-29-2013, 06:29 AM
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That sounds like an awful situation for both you and your kids who have no say in the matter. Have you ever been to an alanon meeting? might be helpful, especially if you plan on living with this long term..
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Old 04-29-2013, 06:39 AM
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No I haven't been to an Alanon meeting yet. If I was to go to one I would want my husband to go with me so that he could also hear what people have to say, but he wouldn't think twice of going to one. I know I should have to do it for myself, But i'm scared. I thought maybe this could be my first step in just talking about to someone outside of the box. I have talked to my mother and mother in law about it but both are dealing with kinda the same thing cause my mother in law is my husbands mother and his father drinks just as much or more, but now has health problems due to not keeping him self healthy. I'm scared my husband is gonna go down the same path as his father, and if he does that he's not gonna see his kids grow up and then when they are grown up he's gonna try to make up for loss time like his father is now. My husband is a great father and a husband but when he drinking he's a lousy husband and father to boot. I would like this to change but know that I can't change him he has to change himself.
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Old 04-29-2013, 06:44 AM
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AlAnon would be something you do for yourself, separate from your husband. Your husband will follow his own path of recovery or not, and you will follow yours. Your recovery process should not involve helping your husband understand what friends & families have to say. Your recovery process should involve you setting boundaries in your life, which protect you and your children.
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Old 04-29-2013, 07:02 PM
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I was wondering if you could talk to him. When he is not drinking just say something. Is there more stress in his life? Anyway best of lock and there is a family board on here as well
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:11 AM
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I have tried talking to him he never thinks that it's him. He says it's always me and that I never relax. He tends to listen to other people more then me, what his friends say is true, and i don't know nothing. He says I don't let him do nothing and all I do is complain and all his friends think that I'm a B****, which none of them know how he treats me, I'm always the bad guy and he's the good guy in his friends eyes anyways. He don't turn around and say you know she might be hard to live with but he's not easy either. During the week he is great loving and fun and caring to be around come the weekend he seems to want to have the life that he used to have before we met and had a family together which was drinking all the time and partying. He has already got a DUI about 7-8 years ago I'm scared someone is gonna call on him cause he's not responsible enough to call me to go and get him, we live in a small community and everyone knows that he drinks more on the weekend. And then he's gonna loose the only income that we have besides my own which is not that much. I love him so much but sometimes I think that he thinks that I don't. Which I have told him a million times that If I didn't love him I would not be here with you.
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