twentytrails

why when we relapse we go back to day 1? it seems unfair. like all the days we were successful are somehow erased. seems disheartening...
if you were walking to the top of the empire state building and fell a couple steps backward- would you have to start all the way at the bottom again to reach your goal?
thinking about this as i start again today, after drinking the last 3 days.
does anyone keep track of their progress in other ways?

Dee74

I don't think it's meant to be a punishment at all, it should never be used to put people down, and I definitely don't think a day one negates all we achieve in our sober time.

My recovery is important to me tho, and I think relapses do matter - we need to work out where we went wrong.

You can count anyway that makes sense to you, but to me a day one is day one.

I've been guilty of some 'creative thinking in my drinking days to minimise my drinking - I decided, right off the bat, not to do that in recovery.

D

MidnightBlue

Hi, Twentytrails.

When it comes to addiction, it's not that straightforward as climbing Empire State Building. It's like walking in some magic forest full of beasts and monsters which are waiting for the moment to bite you, and once you surrender to this poison, you give them a chance to own your will, your mind, and eventually, your life. And so you start from the Day 1 again.

But you still have your experience that you've gained during days of success, you are more prepared. But the only way to beat the beast - stay away from it.

Best wishes to you.

Grymt

This is only my experience. I can't remember a meeting in australia where counting is a big deal. I don't know why it is so. I think that it's because australians tend to take things in their stride in a way that parts of the world does not. Ok, so you busted, want a medal? Or a chest to pin it on? She'll be right, mate. No worries. Pull up a chair.
What matters to me is that I'm sober now. It's great. I like it. I think the tipping point is when the urge goes. I'm still an alcoholic and if I drank again I lose say in where I'll be at in a short time. I don't know when the urge went for me. I think it was about mid 2004 with one more half hearted 1 day bust in 2009 to come that taught me to not take it for granted. Now I try to live in the present and deal with life in the present. I still need help and direction but I know where that's at.

Hevyn

Hi twentytrails. I'm glad you're getting back on track.

I don't agree that those sober days were erased. I drank all my life, and stumbled many times as I struggled to get free of it. Each time, I learned something valuable though. It was a journey I had to take. I was heading towards the final stretch - carrying with me all the stuff I'd learned when I messed up. I now have over 5 yrs. sober, & all the setbacks were part of me getting here. You can do this.

cutie

The sober days I believe dont go away..I had 19 yrs sober then was practicing for 8...I remember the peace I had b4 but my disease is so cunning and baffeling it lied to me every day... now I have 3 days sober...and I am slowly digging out my rusty tools and putting them to use!! We all only have today!!!

twentytrails

i always go back to this day when i was about 16 or 17. i woke one spring day and it was clear winter had left, the air was warm and birds going nuts outside my window. i felt so good. i loved my life, where i was at, and didnt even know alcohol existed. kids dont need alcohol. they love life more than we do. i always wish i could go back to that day and start living my life over again.

ScottFromWI

It's really up to you how you decide to keep track. If total sobriety is your goal, then obviously drinking is a setback. Some choose to keep track of days, others don't - whatever you feel is the best method to keep you sober is what you should do. I would personally guess that the whole "counting" thing originated from AA with all the chips and such. And as it's demonstrated here many times, no one recovery method works for everyone.

doggonecarl

You can't go back.

But you can go forward and start living your life anew. Sober. It starts at DAY 1 and you add to it one day at a time.

And I don't recommend you trying to manipulate the mathematics of recovery. To me it seems like you are trying to carry around a free pass to relapse. Relapse should be disheartening. It means we are still in the grip of our addiction and need to work harder.

Good luck.

twentytrails

being new on this site is like trying on clothes you normally wouldnt wear- and trying to decide if you should buy them. im going to need a long time looking in the mirror. i dont want to purchase them and then never wear them.
its okay if that doesnt make sense to you. but its the only way i can describe the feelings im having today.
i dont want to join with you guys and be a wet blanket. everyone here needs support and i feel like the only things i can write right now wont sound helpful to any readers.

ScottFromWI

Sobriety is tough, probably one of the toughest things you'll ever do. I know it was, and continues to be for me. You will most likely make mistakes along the way, and learn from them- just like we do in every facet of our lives. So don't worry about asking awkward questions or feeling weird, it's actually normal and we've all done it.

The most important thing is thing is that you are here and trying. That's all any of us can do.

Hevyn

twentytrails - I felt like that when I first joined, too. In fact, I was surprised/annoyed by all the smilies and upbeat 'you can do it' posts. (How could being sober be fun or lighthearted?) I felt like a total wet blanket - but that all changed! I was very fragile in the beginning, but I kept on reading - and occasionally posting. I'm so glad I gave the site chance to work it's magic. As Scott said, you are here and trying.

doggonecarl

You are new. Post for your support, not what may or may not be helpful to any other readers. What people take from your post is their issue. The important thing is what you take from your posts. Hopfully you are taking the support and advice and deciding you can do this.

Threshold

I don't feel like the main thing I get from SR forums is support. I get honesty and experience, and I weave that into my recovery program. Sure, sometimes I get encouragement or backpatting, but 99% of what I get here is what I glean from the experience of others. It's like a mine and I am collecting the gems that are most valuable to ME.

It's not your responsibility to sound helpful to others and figure out what they need, just be true to yourself and gather what is most useful to you. As long as you are not tearing anyone down it's all good.

Threshold

Ultimately my progress is tracked by the life I build in recovery, free from alcohol.

Counting days is very important to some and an inherent part of some recovery programs.

Whether you choose to use that is up to you. But if you do count days, then I think you sorta have to start at one in you drank again. Otherwise why count at all?

I don't count days. I know when my last drink/drug was but that is pretty much due to the fact that they occurred on dates that were memorable for other reasons as well.

I relapsed several times since I first got serious about recovery. I certainly learned a lot during my clean time AND my relapses before being clean and sober stuck. Not a second of my recovery experience has been a waste, every second of it has brought me to where I am today.

One of the things I learned FOR ME is that ultimately my recovery is what brings me genuine freedom. I white knuckled sobriety for awhile, meaning I didn't drink, but I wasn't doing any healing, I was just "not drinking". Yes, that's a huge improvement from drinking, but it wasn't enough.

That is one reason I don't count days, because in my personal experience I realize that days sober sometimes don't mean a thing...they were sometimes just days between drinks, not days making any real headway in recovery.

Because of my personality and mode of thinking, counting days was a distraction I used from doing the work of recovery..."look, I've been sober 19 days!" convinced myself I must be doing something right, then drank again the minute anyone said "boo".

I had to address my underlying issues and make a commitment to myself, to do more than not drink/use.

That was part of my process, part of my getting honest and part of me learning what genuine recovery meant FOR ME.

I use the caps because other people's experience and thinking are different than my own, and for many many people counting days is a huge help, and for a long time in early recovery I wondered what was wrong with me that counting my clean days made me more nervous than relieved. I thought it meant I could never do this recovery thing. Different tools for different folks.

Honesty is key.

Does clean time matter? Heck yes! but for most of us clean time isn't enough. If you are moving forward in recovery and not letting slips, slides and relapses keep you from earnestly seeking true sobriety and recovery, then you are doing SOMETHING right.

welcome aboard.

ex D-Boy

Hi 20 trails! Wanted to welcome you to the community here at SR and give you my take on it. There are no rules to this recovery process! What works for others may be detrimental to you, if thinking of this as day 1 again gets you real depressed and puts you more at risk to use...why make yourself vulnerable like that?

Myself personally, even in early recovery I never counted days. Prisoners count days, and I am no prisoner. I do know my clean date and celebrate my yearly milestones but that's as far as it goes.

Looking forward to reading more from you and seeing your continued success in recovery!