SoberD

I was in month 2 of sobriety and made a conscious decision on Friday night to get wasted...and well, I did. Blacked out, did some terrible things, cheated on the girl I've been seeing, and ended up shaking in my car in the morning. The only silver lining to this story is that the night was so completely joyless and shameful, that it reaffirms what I was already thinking/learning: that I am not missing out on anything positive that comes from me drinking. Back to square one...

oak

That is how drinking is for me too now. I just felt shame and despair near the end- very little happy feelings left with alcohol. It does make it easier to not drink.

Take good care of yourself.

Mountainmanbob

lela0826

I do the same thing. And when i do i think why tge hell did i do this
.honestly norhing good came out of it
stay positive

SoberD

Thanks everyone. Fortunately I stopped after the one night but am still licking my wounds and feeling like a huge scumbag. This incident actually strengthens my resolve - when I have health insurance in about a month or so, I am going to start seeing an addictions specialist for some added support.

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA meetings?

All the best.

Bob R

Hevyn

SoberD - Most of us have setbacks like this. In my case there were so many that I never thought I'd have success. Drinking turned me into another person, and I couldn't stand her - she had to go. Finally, I've done it (5+ years). You will too! Glad you came here to discuss what happened.

toomuchtoolose

I think we've all been there! Stay mindful and observe how your feelings change as the memory of this shame fades. I find writing things down at the time helps so I can refer back to them when I get tempted next. Good luck. You're on the right path! :-)

Mountainmanbob

SoberD

Thanks - yes, a major obstacle has been forgetting the shame, guilt, misery, etc. I have managed to put together some good sober runs recently - in fact, more in this last year than ever before - and I actually do believe that I'm on the path to finally getting this monkey off my back (despite this recent awful drunken night)...

Dave42001

What's done is done.. Learn from it, dust yourself off and get back in the saddle..

awuh1

I would take a REAL close look at what prompted that decision to drink. More than likely you are going be there once again.... what are you going to do then?

SoberD

I believe that it was the thought that I could "blow off some steam" (so long as I didn't let it turn into a full bender). Yes, dumb I know. While it didn't turn into a bender this time, it will some other time; never mind the terrible things I can do and the danger I create for myself and others. Abstinence will be the only way for me...

fantail

At least you were efficient... sounds like you crammed a whole bender into one night!

SoberD

Haha, thanks for the good laugh. While the episode certainly wasn't funny (and in fact, was quite disgraceful), I haven't had a drink since and have to let it go as a big mistake (on a number of different levels). Day 2 almost complete with Day 1 marked on the calendar. Big Book on hand now too.

Viperidae

Yes, I'm glad it was just as horrible as ever for you. And I'm glad you escaped unhurt. I just try to think of that every day, when the 'devil' calls. Thanks for reminding me. It starts out with a glass of wine and ends up turning into a David Lynch film every time.

SoberD

Yeah, stories like that for me are shamefully common. In my teens and early 20s, I thought it was just part of some rock star fantasy I was living. Now in my 30s, it is just flat out pathetic and dangerous - even the memories of what I have done over the years are scarring to me. Maybe this can help our some of somebody: what you may think is just harmless drunken debauchery might leave you with some psychological trauma that follows you around afterwards...it did for me.

Viperidae

Me too Sober D. My word.