The dumbest man alive
 

In 1987
I flunked out of college.
I chose keg parties over academics, 25 cent draft nite over studying.
I had a golden opportunity and pissed it away, the shame and embarrassment eats away at me to this day.
I wish this story had a happy ending but obviously, here I am on SR in 2013.

In 91 I flunked out of college
I too chose drinking over the books....
Loved getting drunk in the mornings. Still do, I've recently proven to myself unfortunately....
I was sober for ten years, and built a great career and had a great life...
Because I stopped drinking...life got better, as I was told it would
Then, I began drinking again, and right now I am perilously close to losing it all....
This all happened in a year and a half....
Im going to try and make my sobriety last this time, despite the shame and embarrassment that eats at me the same way it does to you....

We cant keep doing the very thing that caused us to lose so much...its insane.

You and I can do this friend. One day at a time.... its that simple.
Things will get better...the void that our drinking now fills will be replaced by constructive things.
Don't drink one day at a time, and trust me, things will get better.

Peace friend.

Thanks Gunther,
I am done with alcohol and I hope you are too.
Be strong.

You can go back to school and finish what you had started. I recently started going to school. It is possible for anyone. Everything feels heavy right now. It will not always be so. Keep moving forward one step at a time. Let the future take care of itself. You can do this. We can do this.

Thanks Mizz.
I'm currently researching local community colleges but unsure of my area of study.
I know I can do this...
but I really appreciate the support I'm getting here on SR.

Here's the thing tho - everything I've done - good and bad - has led me to this point in time *right now*.

(I can appreciate that *right now* might not be so great for you - but it gets better :))

I use an antique analogy - every bump every scrape, every coat of varnish tells the story of my journey....but I'm still valuable :)


We also get second, third and even fourth chances - if you want to, you can go back and do a lot of the things you didn't do last time.

D

87 was not THAT long ago.. You still have plenty of time left to do so many things, go back to school etc. Wishing you the best..

Similar story. I did go back to school at 35 and graduated, but I did it drunk and a golden degree turned to coal. I can't let it define me now, I'm just realizing 2 years later.

Its not the end. I used to think same thing after getting my under grad but didn't go back for masters but 3 brothers did. As the oldest I know my dad thinks I'm looser coz got married right after & now I'm dealing w/ an AW which embarrases me every day & have no clue when its going to end. But I've determined that when get my license back in July, I'll make something 4 myself;either sch or tech college etc

I flunked out three times. Do you want to have a contest as to who had crappier grades? Seriously man, turn that frown upside down. Maybe you're a little down right now but you need to stop beating yourself up. All that matters is who you are now, and what you do today. Do you want to go back to school? Something tells me this isn't about education. You're just raking yourself over the coals. Why are you punishing yourself and being so hard on yourself?

What are your best qualities? What makes you laugh? What kind of things do you enjoy doing sober? How are you going to make your life brighter today? What will make you smile tomorrow when you wake up? Stop living in the past, friend! Last time I checked there's no such thing as a time machine (I just checked the internet and it's confirmed - no time machine). Maybe you can start with some small steps, we all did. It took me about two weeks after I got home from treatment before I dared go outside. Took me two more weeks before I dared go out farther than my neighborhood cafe down the block. Get out there and live, you'll see that these dark thoughts will gradually become less frequent. Good luck - and give yourself a break!

Maybe not a happy ending but you wrote:"here I am on SR in 2013."
Sounds like a good sound new beginning to me :)
:welcome

The dumbest man alive has a few things going for him. He's kicking and there are still opportunities. Admittedly we have to put up with ourselves and at times that can be a tough gig

You people are simply awesome. Thanks for sharing and the kind words.

What are you talking about? No time machine? The Delorean Flux Capacitor is alive. I saw it the other day on the freeway!

Get out there and live is a wonderful thing to do. I like it

1.21 jiggawatts

Hi Gman, yes, we're kind of awesome - and nuts (well, Big and I are :-))

It's very easy to think we've 'failed' over the years. I do that - thinking I've failed - all the time. But I've noticed that quite a few SR people are quite well educated, up to college level (or what we call 'uni' here in Aus), and beyond, into what you Yanks call 'grad school' and we call 'postgrad'.

I too went back to uni at about age 35, did a bachelor then Honours degree, then most - BUT NOT ALL - of a PhD. I still think in one way that I failed. In other way, I have to remind myself that yes, I got a first class Honours, a government scholarship into the PhD, and managed a few publications and conference papers as well. All this, even while drinking and dealing with multiple horrible life circumstances.

It's quite incredible what we somehow manage to do, even in the worst circumstances. I like Dee's analogy of antiques (I have a couple myself), where it's good to remind ourselves of the patina on them, the bumps and scrapes and such. That's us.

Whilst I know that I'm just not up to doing anything remotely study-related (in terms of going back to institutional type courses), still, even in my darkest moments (of which I've had a few even today, really dark and hopeless), I still believe in us doing lifelong learning.

It may be an institution-based course, or it may be just doing our own research, reading, keeping curious about numerous parts of life, history, science, spirituality, addiction (!) ....whatever takes our fancy.

Drunks / addicts are and have been shown by recent studies to be largely intelligent people. Some of us had some ed-ew-kation; some, street-life; some, well frankly, some traumas. To put it bluntly. Some have endured all three, and even more.

Yet, look at, say, Mizzuno - doing so much; Big, about to embark on some serious overseas volunteer work...and so on. Read around these boards of the things people are trying to do, to reclaim a new life - with the bumps and scrapes, yet somehow having a go. I wish I had their kind of enthusiasm! But you can find it in yourself.

There IS a time machine!!! (Or is it botox?) xxx
I had a great functioning alki career for 20 years, then I got made redundant... poop happens, now I'm sober... quite ironic really :)

Bemyself and Bigsombrero, Thank you. Onward and Upward for me! And GmanRiley. It's funny you mentioned the overseas volunteer work because that is my goal.

I missed out on several opertunities and i'd be worth at least £2,000,000 now if i'd have carried on with them , me & the drink got in the way tho' .
I'd made about £100,000 by the time i was 28 despite myself but i drank it and lived it all away .. hiding out in my house in france .. i think i'd have done the same with one million but it might have lasted longer and killed me .

So in some ways i'm glad i only had what i had, as i could only do what i could do before hitting my bottom .

Bestwishes, M

:-)