So helpless
 

I feel like I will never stop using. I am currently addicted to synthetic marijuana but that is just the most current addiction. I've been an addict for over 7 years, addicted to a little bit of everything. I live with a boyfriend whom I support, and who is the worst enabler ever. Everytime I wake up I have my 7h right in front of me. He says anytime I'm sober I'm bitchy and kick him out of the house, so he can only deal with me high. I hate myself, I've gained 40 pounds in the past year, somehow have managed to graduate college (probably because I only leave my bed to go to school and the one or two days a week I work)

I want to stop I hate myself but I can't get past the first day, I always give in. The withdrawals are like something I've never felt, I've been growing up 3-4 times a day for the past 5 weeks (until I get out of school and can get my fix) my body is in PAIN around my kidneys like I've never felt (and I've had a kidney stone) and I've been coughing up a lung for months.

How in the world will I ever make it through a day without smoking? Cocaine, Xanax, meth, oxys, acid, and hydros have absolutely nothing on the addictiveness of synthetic marijuana. ALL I WANT TO DO IS LAY IN BED, WATCH TV, & SMOKE. Will I ever have a life again?

I didn't think I'd ever live without taking something either yesgirl.
I wanted to though, I worked at it - and I faced my fear.

I was scared of facing life sober and clean - and terrified at finding the real sober me - but I found it wasn't anywhere near as scary as I thought it might be.

I hope you decide to give it a go too - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here :)

D

Thank you Dee. When you get a craving what do you do?

Yes girl I stopped getting high about 3 years ago and pick up drinking heavy. After smoking for 12 years I was able to kick that habit. My problem now is the drinking. Im 5 days sober and I'm stuck in my room all alone on a Friday night. Its a sacrifice that I have to take. All my boys are either in a club or strip club drinking the finest Cognac and smoking on some good sour. Im choosing to stay sober. I get cravings every minute and doubt how in going to get thru this but I made up my mind. I just think of the person I'm trying to become and I act as it. I ask myself "does a successful person gets drunk every weekend and hangs around other people that are not goal orientated?" That's good enough for me not to drink.

Congrats on finishing school...

I can't remember last time I had a craving but this technique helped me a lot:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Reaching out for support is pretty important too - I spent a lot of time on SR :)

D

Please, you must go to the doctor to check that pain arround your kidneys. That strong pain is not normal. It is very important to check it. And you have to tell him that you are using synthetic marijuana and alcohol. Please go.

Yes, you will have a life again. Of course, you can get through this.

When I had a craving, I got out of the house. I walked a lot, every day and the benefits were amazing. It had a ripple effect in my life, in a very positive way.

Yes, and it'll be better than the one you have now.:)


:welcome to the family!

I understand being scared of who I will be sober, but it isn't what you think it will be, at least it wasn't for me. It is better!