TheSCGuy

So after my 6th full blown panic attack, some at work nonetheless, I'm slowing down and giving it a rest. No idea that I had truly become drunk "all the time" until I found myself taking screwdrivers into work in the morning. Who does that?
So I quit (drinkng not the job) and the DTs were very unpleasant. Saw my Doc who gave me some Valium to get through the week. Liver specialist next week. Can't wait for that. Then on to the shrink to find out why I insist on sabotaging my life. I'll keep you posted.
I'm scared to death of being normal.

mecanix

Sounds like you're making the right decisions and getting the help you need .

Welcome and congratulations on day 2

Bestwishes, M

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR SCGuy

It sounds like you have some good support there, glad to hear it. I am sure SR will be useful to you too. Feel free to start posting in the Class of April thread too for ongoing support. I understand your fear of being normal, and I can guarantee you, that just because you have quit drinking you won't suddenly become normal x

Wastinglife

I took screwdrivers into work too so don't feel like you are a degenerate or something. I would buy a bottle of fresh orange juice on my way to work, drink half, and fill the rest up again with vodka. I would leave it on my desk in plain sight with a half-eaten muffin so it just looked like my 'breakfast'. I've also had a panic attack at work. There is no logic in what an alcoholic does to feed his/her addiction, but you're not alone!

least

I've been sober over three years and have yet to become 'normal'.

Dee74

Hi SCGuy

I wouldn't worry too much about being normal....I worried too...but we're not drones or pod people on the other side of sobriety....lol

I've gone through a lot of changes for sure, but underneath it all, I'm the same man I've always been .... only better

Welcome to SR

TheSCGuy

Well-well-well. I find myself back here after a year to the day. Wasn't able to quit. Gone from "high functioning" to "sometimes functioning". Received some poor test results on a routine physical. I can't believe the irony in returning here exactly 1 year later at almost the same time. What in the hell is wrong with me.

justinJustQuit

You made it a year though. That's something I could only hope for at this point. My record is 31 days.

TheSCGuy

I never made it a year. A few weeks here and there at best. It appears I have no interest in helping myself. I would give anything to have 31 days off. Pretty hopeless at this point. Thanks for your reply.

Anna

It's not hopeless as long as you are here and trying to get and stay sober.

What caused you to relapse? Are there things you can change in your life to prevent that from happening?

justinJustQuit

You have to change like everything. I took a different route home, didnt go out after five (drinking times for me), stayed away from my family (all alcoholics), stayed away.. stayed away.. You get where I'm going with this. If you're around it, you'll drink it until you get more time under your belt. At least that appears to be the case with me.

31 days wasn't enough for me, or I wouldn't be detoxing as we speak.

TheSCGuy

Hi Anna. I'm not clean. I have spurts of being sober and just when I feel great I head right back and hit the drink hard. No idea why I behave the way I do. It's still the same as my original post. Self sabotage. Have some ideas - the usual crybaby my childhood was bad, runs in the family, poor me etc. Only problem is people would most likely line up to have my lack of problems. Until they had to live in my brain and crave drinking constantly. Constantly.

TheSCGuy

Hi JustinjustQuit. I follow your logic completely. Happy to hear you are off the ride. Unfortunately it seems I've bought the allday everyday pass. But like everything else in life no one rides for free.

biminiblue

Welcome back. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want a change.


Can you just not drink today?


Today is all we have, anyway.

TheSCGuy

Hi biminiblue. Well you're right I want the change ... but to late for the not having a drink today. I realize I'm the worst. And understand one can't find clarity when your head is not clear. Just trying to be respectful of those around me and hope to God I figure this out.

MnEman

Are you ready to put a plan together and give it some effort? Sounds like hoping to figure it out is not working very well.

TheSCGuy

It's most certainly not working. Thank you for your bluntness.

BrendonM

You'd be surprised.

I used to bring 50% gatorade 50% vodka with some appropriate food colouring to conceal the dilution to undergraduate lectures. I even brought vodka in a thermos to a math exam worth 80% of my grade. Don't feel like the only person who has done some shameful things, the stuff I have done is also pretty questionable looking back.

MnEman

only because I have been were you are, Friend, and for me it did not work until I was ready to change a bunch of stuff in my life, and really learn about what we are up against as alcoholics, as I identify myself as.

Do you have any experience with support groups, like AA? For me that is what finally gave me the strength to face my problem head on, and really gave me some tools to get a grip on my life. If you really want a Masters Degree in alcoholism, give AA an honest try. It has helped millions get and stay sober, when nothing else worked. There are other programs as well, but they all have one one thing in common- face to face support form other people who understand, and goals and objectives to structure your recovery, rather than just winging it. Personally I was not willing to face my problem in a constructive way until I gave AA a try. Peace and best of wishes, post back and let us know how you are doing.

Eric

ChickChick

You are not the worst! I've been there, I'm pretty sure the majority of us here at SR have been there too. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

I hope that you get the help you need to stop... life looks a lot less desperate to me even after only 5 days of not drinking! You can do it! Keep coming here, the support is incredible.