Darkplace2013

Almost seven days done. I'm going through a fairly rough and extended break up over the last few weeks. Tonight it has really gotten to me I've gone from laughing and joking today to just getting really bad news basically my past relationship is completely and utterly in the past. I really fighting the drink demons here now. My heart is pounding and all I want to do is have a drink. Why is life so bloody hard

Bubovski

In many decades of consuming alcohol I found the short term pleasure was very much overcome by long term pain.
I think the AA notion of doing it one day at a time is quite powerful.
First thing before rising I meditate on the pros (were there really any) of drinking and the cons and decide to go 24 hrs without alcohol and find this limited containment preferable to long term promises.

Darkplace2013

Thanks for taking the time to reply. But I'm a mess at this moment in time my mouth is dry I've drank a litre of water. My heart is pounding out through my chest my hands are shaking and all I want to do is have the ground swallow me up. Why me?? Why can't I just be normal. I want to shout at the top of my voice but most of all I want to get drunk

Hevyn

Nothing will be made better by drinking, Darkplace. A temporary bit of numbness, but when you sober up - total misery. You've worked hard for those 7 days. You'll get stronger and life will get better. Nothing stays the same for long. Happier days lie ahead for you - please stay the course and ride this out.

Darkplace2013

I know guys I really see the logic in what ye are saying to me but I had hoped that I wouldn't be thrown such a curve ball in this early stage of sober life like I have tonight. God I'm numb mentally at the moment, my heart is empty its pounding hard but I feel numb. It's hard to explain. A reason I was trying to sort out my life was for this lady this ex, now I know I will never be with her again the whole thing seems pointless at this stage. I had hoped I could go back to her and prove I've made positive changes in my life. Now I'll never have that opportunity and I really don't want to be sober anymore

Hevyn

I do understand - but the pain will lessen, and you still have a whole life to lead. Getting drunk would only add to the burden you're carrying right now. Stay sober for yourself, and for all the years you have in front of you.

mecanix

alcohol = short term relief, mid & long term pain.
no alcohol = short term pain, mid & long term gain.

Stick with it dark , sober people have relationships that end and get through it , you can too ,

Bestwishes, M

Bubovski

I can only agree with what Hevyn says.
Sure you can get temporary relief, but in doing so you set up the old patterns.
As you have gone so far it seems much better hanging in by doing the hard yards, rather than re ignite the bad old days............................

Wastinglife

Ya, it's tough trying to deal with emotions. I numbed myself for so long with booze that, after I quit, I found myself 'tearing-up' when watching movies or you-tube videos where the Iraq veterans surprise their family back home. I don't think I had done that ever! Your emotions are going be all outta whack for a bit. I was also dealing with a break-up when I decided to quit drinking. This will all pass. Time is the best remedy.

Darkplace2013

I went for a short walk to try and clear my head. It's three a.m now where I am I'm overcome with emotion I'm a wreck I havent drank though. I want to. I feel thirsty for alcohol but everywhere will be closed here soon anyhow so I won't get some. Thank god. Either way I think after reading the advice here and the support I got I wouldn't have drank. When I was thrown this curve ball all I could think about was getting drunk. I've read previous threads where people who are struggling post straight away so I said I'd do that first. Giving up alcohol is so hard it's even harder when I have limited support around me. My family are good but I don't live near them and I get the impression they think giving up drink is like giving up sweats to be honest.

what murchovski said sat with me as I walked around my neighbourhood just now. Take one day at a time go 24 hours without alcohol. I have been against AA to be honest but I haven't given it a chance I think I'll attend a meeting this weekend. Dont get me wrong I still really want to drink I just won't today.

Thanks guys I really must thank ye all because ye have really helped me here. Without ye I would feel completely alone to be honest. And more tears as I write. I've never cried so much as I have this week. I just wish I had someone in real life as in other than this site who I could depend on to help me cope but unfortunately I've burnt all those bridges. Only for ye being out there guys ye don't realise how isolated and alone I'd be. Ye are angels and that is the truth. This is such a struggle.

Acheleus

I am on day 14 and my five year relationship because of my drunken bs and abuse. I feel what you describe in your post. The emptiness and isolation hurt me the most, but I have attempted to just feel the negative emotions and learn to accept reality and hope that my sobriety will help me one day have a healthy, normal relationship with another human being. I am not close to one person and it is my fault, I don't want to be around a miserable alcoholic. Believe in yourself and be proud that you have the good sense to get sober and find support on this site. The longest I have gone without drinking is 16 days, so take my comments with a grain of salt. The thing about despair is it seems bottomless, but you are in control of the future-- your thoughts and actions will shape it. This site is keeping me alive right now. You are not alone. I hope you feel better soon.

Darkplace2013

I didn't drink last night. I'm going to go to an AA meeting tonight if i can find one. It's true take every day at a time or in my case every hour. I was up till five a.m this morning I got very little sleep. It's 11am now I plan on just trying to keep active all day. I didn't want to stay in bed because I want to tire myself out so I won't be up all night. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy I wish I had come to the realisation I've needed help sooner maybe if I had my life wouldn't be in tatters. I never judge people in life be because I know how I'm constantly up and down I hope people are the same with me.

animalnurse9

I'm really sorry for what you are going through dark place. I have been through something similar and I am ashamed to say I was not nearly as strong as you are being now. Please keep active and cry as much as you want, because that will help believe it or not! Thoughts are with you. You got this!

visch1

Hi and hang in there. The proven best motivation is to do it for ourselves. I/we tried other motivations and given time they failed. For me and many others AA is a huge success, if we want to get sober and stay sober. The staying is work and unfortunately many want the softest and easiest way. Sorry, that's reality and the way life works so we have to grow up. But you know what? Ask anyone who has done it if it was worth it. How great it is to be comfortable in ones own skin ONE day at a time. BE WELL

shauninspain

Congratulations on getting through such a tough time last night.What you have achieved has been a real inspiration to me. Well done for staying strong!

FeelingGreat

Dark, you have undergone a great test and made it through like a hero. Congratulations!
Keep going.
You wanted to prove something to your girlfriend, now prove it to yourself.

Hevyn

Very proud of you, Dark. We are always here for you, and it's so good you weren't afraid to reach out.

I shed long overdue tears as I got sober, too. I kept myself in a numb and foggy state for so long. Once you get over these painful hurdles you'll begin to heal and make a happy life for yourself.

Dee74

How are you doing now Dark Place?

D

Darkplace2013

God I don't feel worthy of the praise ye guys are giving me. Thanks. Yesterday was really hard to be honest but I'm so happy I didn't drink. I woke up today worried, tired and emotional but I wasn't hungover. Although the other feelings didn't subside I didn't have to contend with a hangover.

Friday night now and I'm watching tv I feel a bit better I've answered a text tonight wondering if I was going out I politely declined. The hardest thing to contend with when you come to the realisation that you need to change your life is loneliness and regrets. It's funny I often wonder if I hadn't lost so much would I have come to this realisation?

The answer is probably no because I have known I've had a problem for a long time but i just ignored it. I took the most impotant person in my life for granted due to drinking and drink related depression, so if I'm capable of that it just shows you the affect it had on my life. Life is so complicated. I've prepared myself for some more ups and downs but and I hope I'll be able to deal with them when I face them only time will tell. Someone gave me good advice today " hope for the best but prepare for the worst".

Thanks for all the support here.

dogg

Well done dude. Day 8 for me now.

I wrote a list of things to do in the week. Activities and the like. Some where no cost at all, others more like a treat.

Also, read. If you have never been a big reader give it a try, I didn't really take an interest in reading books until I was in my mid 20's. Doesn't matter if you don't like novels, nor do I. But I do like science documentaries on tv and that's how I now have lots of science books.

It will easily while away a few hours each day if you get a book/topic your into. I am currently reading a book by a scientist speculating on how we will all be living over the coming 20, 60 & 100 years. Fascinating! That topic might not be for you, but something out there will be.

Dogg