Readysteady

The daytime me doesn't want to drink at all and feels resolved to quit. The nighttime me says, "eh, a few drinks to end the night". Where can someone go besides bars later at night, especially on weekends, where people are meeting and mingling? To not go out on a friday/saturday night feels very empty.

Vastreaction

That's a tough one. I used to go to this place called Coffee Time, it was a 24hr coffee shop that had chessboards etched into the tables, and you could rent free chess-sets.

Nobody was drinking anything harder than espresso. Late-night places that don't serve alcohol seem to be hard to come by, especially ones where people "mingle."

Dee74

what about meeting people for coffee?

going to a movie?
sports, hobbies, interests - joining a club?

D

hypochondriac

The theatre or the cinema. There are a lot of bars around these days which are more like late night coffee bars. They might sell alcohol too but it is less in your face than in other places. You could also try night classes and stuff like that. I used to be a complete night owl but to be honest I prefer staying in at night now. I still go to the odd gig but I tend to duck out come 10 o'clock. My pattern has completely changed. I get up early to mingle with people in the dog park and just snuggle up on the sofa in the evenings. And it doesn't feel empty x

Readysteady

Thanks for the input. In my town there isn't any late night non-bar type place open late that I know of. I've come to hate loud bars/clubs with music too loud to talk to anyone. Besides most people are standoffish anyway and stick to their own. But as Hypochondriac says, maybe shifting from being a night owl is what to do. There is a bar and grill (a chain) that serves food late, isn't loud and there are a few people who I at least know enough to talk to. I can just feed myself instead of having a few drinks, cause there isn't any late night groups just having coffee/talking that I know of.

Dib42

Netflix . . . spend hours upon hours building a queue of movies that you won't possibly live long enough to watch all of...

That works for me on some nights.

If you can't find anything at all and you're worried about being to bored you start drinking, why not pick up a part time late night job. You'll meet people, you can do some networking with other late nighters, and you'll have tons of extra cash.

Plus its an extra job, so you can spend most of the time goofing off.

OR

Start your own late night coffee shop, (i know that seems a little extreme but it sounds like your town could use one)

hypochondriac

Another thing I was thinking of was volunteering at the theatre. There is a really good but small one near me and I know a lot of the people who work there and always bump into someone I know. It's a cheap way of seeing new plays and shows too

doggonecarl

I think all the suggestions to find sober alternatives are good ones. Right now, focus on your recovery, not your social life. If that means hunkering in a bunker, then do so.

You will get stronger in recovery and the issues you are facing now won't be so troublesome. But accept the fact that you will have to make some changes in your life, maybe big changes. Your idea of a "night life" is great place to work some change. Good luck.

pattyj

I have had to completely hunker down recently. I have decided not to go to some classes that are serving wine; I love art classes but a lot of adult ones serve wine. I have had to forgo going to a few weddings. I have said no to movie invites because the one I frequent is one that serves alcohol. It feels a little lonely but I know that my body cannot take about relapse so I have to do what it right for me. Again, we are all fragile for some time when we quit. We are fighting a disease with alcoholism. No one expects a cancer patient to be out and about 24 hours a day; neither can we. I have began cooking really great meals, took up painting and knitting. Things that I can learn online and do at home for awhile, that doesn't include alcohol in the least bit. Good luck.

Omnom

read a book.
visit a museum.
Go for a drive in the car.

SnwFlower

I wrote a list for myself of 100 things to do that don't involve alcohol and I look at it for ideas when I'm bored.

Here's a few things on my list:

Watch a movie
Cook a really involved, good meal
Go for a walk
Ride my bike
Go for a run
Do a work out (I do at home videos)
Plant some flowers in my outdoor planters
Take a nap
Write
Read stuff on SR
Browse in a book store
Window shop
Clean my desk or a junk drawer
Write a letter or card to a friend
Go to the local coffee shop
Visit the museum or zoo
Volunteer
Clean my car
Clean my handbag
Goal plan

shirlygirly

I've been sober for 32 days and was dumped by my long-term boyfriend two weeks into my sobriety. Basically, my entire social life was shattered within a matter of weeks, so believe me, I know the "empty" feeling you're describing.

Since then I've been going to meetings on the weekends, then going out to do something fun afterwards, i.e. movies, shows, parks, coffee shops to play games, restaurants, the gym, etc. I've met tons of friends in my age range with my interests at meetings, and they always have fun ideas. I've also been filling my Saturdays and Sundays up with daytime activities, so I'm not itching to be out all night when my former drinking hours begin.

Alone time is great, but isolating yourself all weekend isn't the healthiest of ways to stay sober.

duane1

This is just an example. You can fill in your own hobby. I got involved with playing guitar 3 years ago and I now go to an old -time guitar roundtable on Tuesday nights. Frequently, we also have things going on other nights of the week including weekends. It is all on how much you want to involve yourself. I have a blast.
I also run/exercise. I know there are groups that meet for running pretty much every day of the week around my area.

Readysteady

All good advice, thank you all. The late night part time job sounds good. I do work 30+ hrs a week but I'm broke, in debt, been really fed up and with the bar scene. Let's face it, I've been out ALOT and haven't met someone worthwhile, let alone anyone lately. Very tired of being alone in a crowded room (bar). So might as well make some money. Thanks again folks.

ClearLight

Ugh - I hate hanging out in bars. They're sooooo boring. Filled with boring people doing boring things.
If you're in the states there's a cool site: www.meetup.com
Whatever you might be interested in doing it's a place for folks to get together and do those things in whatever local area you might be in.
So, if you like to go to jazz concerts, you can go with a bunch of other folks that like to go to jazz concerts.
If you like to discuss gardening, you can get together with folks that like to discuss gardening.
Very cool.

Readysteady

Yes, and the more loud and crowded the bar, the more of a trigger it is to drink, and quick! Another trigger in bars, being putoff by women who are going out with guys you'd think they'd run from saying, "ewwww!" Seen it too many years. I'll look into meeatup.com, and thanks.

Readysteady

Shirlygirly, that sounds like quite a bit to go through, especially being newly sober. I wish you the best!