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Old 04-23-2013, 10:32 PM
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My Daughter

I need serious advice, My daughter is 23yrs and has been addicted to pain meds for I'm guessing 2 yrs or more. She has admitted herself for treatment 2 times by driving herself to local hospital since summer of 2012. 3 weeks ago, she came to her dad and I and told us she had a problem and needed help to get off the pills. Stated she has tried to wean herself, but it wasent working and is tired of feeling so out of it all the time. She also has a daughter, so I know it took a lot for herto come to us for help. She told me the last time she took any pills, she took 4 lortabs at one time( right before this). She has now been in a very nice rehab for almost 3 weeks. She signed up for a 28day program. She has done great so far,(15days) but for the past 2 days has called her DAD and I persistantly wanting to come home. She completed detox during first 5days and has been in the actual rehabilation ever since. Since she voluntarily had herself admitted, she was informed that it would be wise to completed her full 28 day program, but no one could make her stay. That this was completely her wanting and accepting the help. Well, now that its been 3 weeks, she tells us she is ready to come home. She is 4 hrs away and I've tried my best to talk her into completing her 28days over and over. Just thinking it would help. She says "I needed help with detox, got it, now I want to come home to my baby and start over". I don't want to feel like I'm doing wrong by getting her, I don't know what to do..She got so mad at me tonight, she said her dad and I leaving her there stranded makes her want to do drugs. I know she's just angry because I'm not jumping up and going to get her. She stressing also because her daughters birthday is day after release date and she's done no planning. Need advice PLEASE!
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Old 04-23-2013, 10:58 PM
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I would not pick her up from rehab. There is nothing for her to learn from leaving early. Addiction is more than a physical thing. A large part is mental and we have to be diligent in our recovery to stay away from alcohol and drugs. If you pick her up, this tells her that you are there to bail her out of the situation. It does not allow her to stand on her own and learn how to tackle her problems. Rehab teaches tools and has a program of recovery. Do you have boundaries in place when it comes to your daughter? Are you involved in ALANON or have some form of help for yourself while dealing with your daughters addiction? Our friends and family section is wonderful. Please check it out. Others will be along to comment and give support. The forum is a little slow tonight. Please take care of you and do what is best for you and your family. We are here for you.
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:24 PM
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Thank you for your reply. I haven't joined ALANON, but will. This is very hard as a parent. Im so proud she took this step in getting herself help, and she's done so good so far. I'm not sure if the visit this past weekend made this more difficult for her or what? Maybe seeing her daughter was too much, although it was a good day. I'm just not sure why she is suddenly being so persistent about coming home. ThAnks again
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Old 04-23-2013, 11:27 PM
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Don't pick her up. I was in the same boat. I was addicted to pain pills and I had already detoxed before I went into rehab (I was in an ER detox for a couple weeks). I called home 3 or 4 times trying to convince my family to come pick me up and take me home.

They refused to come get me. And I'm glad they did. I have almost 6 months sober now and I don't think I would have that if they had picked me up. If she is mad at you now, she will thank you in the long run.

I hope only the best for her. She will be in my prayers.
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Old 04-24-2013, 12:07 AM
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Eek.... I'd hate to be in your boat... keep us updated. Her irrational behavior could be homesickness or it could be "junky-like behavior" (a phrase my friends and I use to describe behavior that is that of a junky)

But the red flags in this are saying things like " you and dad are making me want to do drugs."
Sounds like the manipulative talk of a junky. Also if something like that sends her into "wanting to do drugs" mode... Clearly she's not done with rehab..

Also, get into alanon or something similar, as the experiences of others would be great help.
Also, Also, you're her mother, don't let your child talk to you that way. I know you're afraid to push her away and not be perceived as supportive, but don't enable her behavior in any way. She's in rehab because she eff'd up and got hooked on drugs, she is in no position to be telling you what to do. If she was 16 would you let her talk to you that way? well she's only about 6 years older than that now. Dig deep down inside and find your mommy voice... That terrifying pitch mothers use to freeze children who are about to stick their hands in the toaster...
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Old 04-24-2013, 12:55 AM
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she said her dad and I leaving her there stranded makes her want to do drugs.
That's an interesting comment, full of clues as to how far her journey into recover has gone.
Not far at all it seems.
There is a big plus though, she willingly went to rehab to dry out. But that's all that has happened, she has detoxed.
One would feel justified to be rewarded, as in, "look I don e the right thing, now let me have this or that, OR I will hurt myself again so you can be hurt", type of "logic".
Sorry, the woman may be dry, but she may require now to take other steps to deal with perceptions. That being, ultimately she did it all to herself and admitting her own mistakes.
I say this from my own experiences, I blamed everyone else to for being "left out" or felt like an outsider. It don't mater if it's male or female, basicaly it's similar.
an alanon's perspective and their experiences may be the next call for you as parents.
I speak from as if on her corner, as one who has recovered from "victim" and finally did admit, "I done it" type of thing.

I hope she does not go "back there" and her common sense prevails.

Her child's birthday, something to consider, that is to take that drive 4 hours away and have a birthday with her child, it will buy some time and extend the hope at rehab. It's only a suggestion, 4 hours is a long drive there and 4 hours back....seek advice first don't just take my word for it.
I'm a parent to and know what it's like to not have my kids around when I needed to be with them.
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Old 04-24-2013, 06:26 PM
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Thanks for all of your input. I haven't went to her rescue and got her out. She is still in rehab. More calm this morning when she talked to her dad. Said she decided to finish. I, on the other hand, still haven't heard from her today which is very unusual, but she's mad at me. I can handle that.
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Old 04-24-2013, 07:35 PM
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That is good to hear. Not picking her up lets her work the program in rehab. I hope that she will continue the work when she gets home. I know that you want what is best for your daughter. I think sometimes, things can get clouded with family. Sometimes we want to save our family members from harsh realities. The best thing that you can do for yourself and your family is to get help for dealing with a family member that is an addict. There are many tools that you can apply to your life for stability and boundaries. Stay strong. Do not take on her anger towards you as if you have done something wrong. The best thing that you have done for her is to not pick her up from rehab. We are here for you.
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:52 AM
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Thanks Mizzuno. She is scheduled for medical release in 5 days. She seems much better now when we talk. I'm just praying hard for her strength when that day comes. That's when her hardest journey will begin.
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Old 04-28-2013, 01:06 PM
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Originally Posted by micky123 View Post
Thanks Mizzuno. She is scheduled for medical release in 5 days. She seems much better now when we talk. I'm just praying hard for her strength when that day comes. That's when her hardest journey will begin.
Your daughter will need the folks at Narcotics Anonymous to continue on in her recovery.

Ask the directors at her rehab what they recommend and stick to it. Al-Anon will help you a lot.

All the best.

Bob R
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Old 04-28-2013, 01:33 PM
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Originally Posted by micky123 View Post

She stressing also because her daughters birthday is day after release date and she's done no planning. Need advice PLEASE!
if I got this right
she only has a week to go
it always feels better to complete the full program
plus later on if by chance one wants to get into another program
it looks better if we say that we stayed full term in the last one

you could plan the birthday -- right ??

onehigherpower
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