day 1....again
 

tried to quite drinking many times, but usually only last for a few days, once the paranoia and fear have worn off i get back on it again! this is the first time i feel really serious about quitting, although i feel quite anxious, scared, and strangely a little excited about it. i'm 32 now, and if i'm honest have been drinking heavily since i was 16, so half my life so far has been consumed by boozing, that is a scary thing to write down! drinking has cost me relationships, jobs, and really strained things with family and friends at times. I've physically injured myself, lost/gave away valuable items, gambled huge amounts of money, had unprotected sex and taken drugs while on drinking binges, and have had the feeling for a few months that i'm getting close to something really serious happening when drunk. I realise that i'm drinking because of depression as my life isn't going the way i want at the moment, but all of these things are caused by alcohol. Pretty much all the bad decisions made, and bad things that have happened to me are all connected to drinking. I've never had the drinking every day, shakes type of problem and can go a couple of weeks without a drink so don't think i'll have physical withdrawal issues? But probably have 1 or 2 really heavy nights per week when i cant seem to stop until i get totally blackout trashed and almost physically cant drink anymore. I'm really worried as all my friends, family and coworkers drink and my profession (i work in the gambling industry) is really caught up with drinking. I know this is going to be so hard, but I just cant keep repeating the same behaviour any longer, 16 years is enough, but this is frightening as i almost feel defined by drink!

Congratulations on taking the big step of being honest with yourself. There may be difficult choices you can look at in the pursuit of being sober, I needed to do them when I started out. BEST WISHES AND BE WELL.

hi bps,
Your situation sounds a lot like mine. I'm 36 and my life has also been seriously affected by my drinking. Jobs/relationships/money have all taken a back-seat to alcohol. I think reaching out is probably the first step. Welcome to the site!

Welcome! You're in the right place to find the way to beat your addiction.

Best of Luck!

:welcome your story scares me and reminds me of myself except not working in gambling. You have to thank yourself that you are here. Now it's time to move on and start all over.

Just take it one day at a time. I am only on ten days but I can see better already how much alcohol diminished my mind and spirit. We are all in this together

You have come to the right place for support. Welcome! One thing that stuck out for me in your post is that you have this feeling that something serious is going to happen. I hope that you listen to that voice. It is telling you something that can not be ignored. From my own experience, i did not listen and I lost a great deal form it. There really is no time like the present to get yourself on the right track. We are here for you and will always be a strong support. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing. Please keep posting and reading. This community is really wonderful.