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JudyBruns

Old 04-23-2013, 12:47 PM
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JudyBruns

New to site ..Im stuggling again in my mind with my alchol .I met a guy is really sweet.But Ive been noticing in his voice on the phone that his Alchol problem ,is not in my taste.Been dating 3 months and it seems he is getting worse.. any advice on what I should say or do with him ??

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Old 04-23-2013, 01:05 PM
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Welcome to SR.

I believe the first few months of dating is a time to identify areas of compatibility and incompatibility, to determine if one shares interests, values, goals. If one finds a compatible partner, you can, if the feelings are shared, continue the relationship. If you identify that you aren't a match, you stop investing time into the relationship.

No where does it say that after three months you have to sign up to take on a person alcoholism or his recovery from it. That's beyond the scope of early dating.

If you are seeing this now, it will only get worse. Move on while it's early and strike this off as a match that didn't work out.
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Old 04-23-2013, 01:20 PM
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I agree with Carl. Move on before it gets worse, and it always gets worse. Don't invest your heart and your time on someone whose first love is alcohol.
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Old 04-23-2013, 01:29 PM
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Sorry Judy, I have to agree with Carl on this one.

People are hard to change. My wife tried to change me and I couldn't do it until I was ready. I'm still struggling with my alcoholism 8 years later. If this isn't a journey you want to take, it's time to cut your losses.
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:34 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
Welcome to SR.

I believe the first few months of dating is a time to identify areas of compatibility and incompatibility, to determine if one shares interests, values, goals. If one finds a compatible partner, you can, if the feelings are shared, continue the relationship. If you identify that you aren't a match, you stop investing time into the relationship.

No where does it say that after three months you have to sign up to take on a person alcoholism or his recovery from it. That's beyond the scope of early dating.

If you are seeing this now, it will only get worse. Move on while it's early and strike this off as a match that didn't work out.
Thats what I'm thinking hes a really sweet man,probably the best guy Ive ever had.But I cant have the alchol around me.Its just so sad.He said he would stop so we will see ,if that happens.Its better to end or fix the problem now ,if it can be.than later.When people get their feeling hurt.. Thanks
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Old 04-24-2013, 01:38 PM
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Originally Posted by terribob View Post
Sorry Judy, I have to agree with Carl on this one.

People are hard to change. My wife tried to change me and I couldn't do it until I was ready. I'm still struggling with my alcoholism 8 years later. If this isn't a journey you want to take, it's time to cut your losses.
Said but I know .
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Old 04-24-2013, 03:12 PM
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I would just talk to him and tell him where you stand. Meaning you like to have him in your life but not the alcohol.
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Old 04-24-2013, 03:15 PM
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Look out for number one. Three months is not a long time and you do not have enough vested in that "relationship" to jeopardize your own sobriety.
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