Ashley2594

But I have issues with alcohol.

I started smoking pot, drinking, ecstasy, Prescription pills, and cocaine when I was 14. Of all of those things drinking was my least favorite I only did it when there was nothing better to do and i never really had a problem with just one particular substance just them all as a whole. After my life was in shambles I realized I had a problem with opiates and was able to quit fairly easily I think a major reason why was because oxy and opanas are crazy expensive around here. I went to only smoking pot but eventually that made me feel kinda weird and almost paranoid so I quit that right before I turned 21. I work in a sports bar so once I turned 21 it was game on. I drink every chance I get and once I start I don't stop until the bar closes or I pass out etc. I never willingly just stop. The other day I spent the whole day at the bar from like 2 to like 8 when my boyfriend (who doesn't really drink) texted me that he wanted to go out and I refused and drank until 2am....I was supposed to hangout with him this weekend for his birthday but I went out and drank instead. I ditch my family to drink the friends I had that don't drink I never hangout with anymore etc. my boyfriends getting tired of it, I'm tired of getting blackout drunk and making an ass out if myself I'm tired of hangovers and I know I'm going to end up with a DUI if I don't get it together. I don't want to give up drinking all together though I can't I don't even know what I would do with myself and honestly it's not going to happen working where I work and I rely on the big easy money of waiting tables. I just want to stop getting SO trashed.

Committed

If you're not an alcoholic yet, you're surely on the high road to becoming one. The great thing is that you see the problems alcohol is giving you and want to change them. Good luck.

sugarbear1

I don't know if you are an alcoholic or not, but you drink alcoholically.

Alcoholism for me was not being able to live comfortably without drinking.

Only you can decide what you are and how to stay stopped, if you choose to.

I wish you well.

ScottFromWI

What is your goal Ashley, to quit or moderate? You say you don't want to quit entirely, yet you cannot control how much you drink. I can't see those 2 existing together, but it will be up to you to make the decision. We're all here to help if you died to quit.

Fallow

I am not sure if I am an alcoholic exactly either. I do know that alcohol was causing huge problems in my relationships, health, mentality, and ability to live my life and be happy.

Your story sounds lots like mine I was a drug user most of my life until I got older and became afraid of getting busted for illegal substances..

So I turned to alcohol. I could always function with drugs, I built a great life for myself. With alcohol I could not always moderate like I planned. The hangovers and blackouts and despair just got worse and worse.

Honestly I am now grateful because alcohol crushed me quick enough I had to find a way to get clean and I am still somewhat young.

Now I do not touch any mind altering substances and never will again. I never really thought it possible but it is.

Stick around!

hypochondriac

I thought like you for a long time Ashley, probably at a similar age too. I just wanted to stop drinking so much. I wanted that for a long time and it never happened. Eventually my hand was forced and I had to give up drinking. It seems to be a theme here that we all just keep going til we get massive health or legal problems, and even then some of us don't stop. It's scary stuff. If you can control your drinking then control it, problem solved. There is no magic remedy to fix that if you can't. Abstinence may be your best bet. Just for the record, there is no reason that your job means you have to drink. Sure it'll mean your faced with temptation every day but I know quite a few people who have been sober for a while who work around alcohol. It's not ideal but it's not impossible. Glad you're here x

instant

Its good that you found SR and are prepared to say how you feel.

I have found being sober is the best option for me. I love it.

SmittyBittyBoo

I hate the term alcoholic and refuse to label myself as one. But from what you've written-you clearly have a problem. If you are ditching your sober friends to drink, your boyfriend. There is no magic formula to not drink so much. You just don't drink so much. If you can't do that-well... you can do the math.

I remember thinking I couldn't imagine a life without a drink or a social function without a drink but you know-it is pretty nice without. A clear head feels so good. Waking up and not feeling like I've been run over by a truck-awesome. Having the ability to enjoy every day to its fullest? Wonderful.

terribob

To me it sounds like you have a reckless behavior problem at a minimum. Your story is eerily similar to mine. Alcohol wasn't really my thing until I was 19 (legal age in Canada). After that it was game on. I got my "high" the cheap and legal way from that point forward.

I hope you don't waste your time trying to moderate. I wish I would have realized my problem in my 20's. Spend some time here. Lots of people in various stages of recovery willing to support you.

Pete55

I now know I am alcoholic, it is the reason I don't drink.
It means my body physically reacts to alcohol differently than people who are not alcoholic can drink safely. They can take it or leave it.

So how do I know if I am alcoholic or not?
It's described in The Doctors Opinion how.

and..
That's the easy part though. It's information that holds true today, even though it was suggested way back in the 1930's.

Alcohol, physically, as a substance is still Alcohol whether it's in beer, wine etc or moonshine, it is still Alcohol.

So one may have to ask themselves honestly, does it affect them differently than others once they consume the first drink?
If it does, then you may have to consider if you are alcoholic. Only you will know what alcohol does to you, it's your body, your inner experience.

If you are alcoholic, then the next step is acceptance. Then your actions towards the next drink ought to become the driving force to seek a solution before you pick up the drink, so there is no need to pick up a drink when the thought of a drink enters the mind ever again.

That's the insanity of it all. Need to get off the treadmill in the thinking which say's, "one day I will learn to control my drinking".
Well that's impossible if we have a "allergic" reaction to alcohol!

There is no 2 ways about this, Alcohol as a substance does not differentiate.

wiscsober

Welcome to SR. I think there are stickies for alcoholism diagnosis but can't find them right now...but check this link out...

Here is a link for diagnosis and in-depth articles from a well-respected clinical standpoint. Best have a doctor's diagnosis, but many people easily decide for themselves.

Alcoholism - Diagnosis

least

Whether or not you're alcoholic isn't important, what's important is what you do about your 'issues' with alcohol. You can try to moderate but it may be beyond that point. Why not give it up altogether for two months and see how you feel then.

Dib42

I worked in a bar for quite awhile. Bartender, Bar Manager... etc... It's not a good lifestyle for an alcoholic or someone who is prone to that sort of thing.

Its not uncommon to get off the morning shift and drink until closing. To come in on your days off and drink. To drink, and drink, and drink... Its what everyone seems to do in the bar business. Except the ones that excel. If you want to be a good bartender, make a lot of money, progress in the industry and better yourself, you have to stay sober on worknights, and you should never be drunk in your own bar.

Your place of work shouldn't be a place where you feel comfortable being drunk. I imagine your coworkers do it, and the owner is probably fine and possibly encourages it, but do you see how absolutely unprofessional and risky for your career it is?

I could list the reasons, but I prefer not to remember all the mistakes I made as a bartender and bar manager.

Make yourself a rule, never be drunk in your own bar. If you can't follow that rule. You're probably an alcoholic.

I'm not saying "never drink" in your own bar, its good to taste cocktails, and new drinks, but tasting and getting smashed are two completely different things.

Michael66

Hi Ashley

I think one question you have to face is whether you really think that you can control your drinking, both in how often and how much you drink. Or you may be like lots of us here who have come to accept that is impossible for us. In the beginning I hated the idea of sobriety, though I knew that is what I had to accept. Now, though, I love it - I wouldn't swap my abstinence for "normal drinking" for any amount of money. I treasure my abstinence in a way that I never imagined I would.

Natom

Only you can decide whether you suffer with alcoholism or not. But if you drink until you black out and place alcohol over family and friends then you at least show some symptoms of alcoholism. By all means try moderation but don't expect it to work the first time, or the second. I tried moderation again and again until I realised that it didn't work for me. This might not be the case for you. You know you have to do something, so just keep doing different things until you find something that works.

Natom.

Dib42

I tried moderation for 12 years. It probably worked a handfull of times. Which pales in comparison to the times i didn't work.