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-   -   Why do I lie when I drink? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/292305-why-do-i-lie-when-i-drink.html)

soberstephanie 04-22-2013 05:28 PM

Why do I lie when I drink?
 
You know, it's bad enough to wake up with a hangover, and just lay around all day feeling vomitous, but remembering the lies I told to friends and family while I was drunk just makes me want to hide my head in the sand or move to another country. :headbange

I pride myself on being an honest person, and I actually can't stand being lied to. I have no tolerance for it. But when I start drinking, the lies pour freely (like cheap liquor), and stuff I would never say or do is said and done. Ugh. :gaah

I feel so embarrassed. My anxiety level has been through the roof, and I've been beating myself up (figuratively) ever since. I was hanging out with a fairly new friend who I really like, and she means a lot to me, and now all I can think about is how stupid it was that I lied to her. And what a stupid lie! I told her and her husband I had taken boxing lessons since I was 12. I would never say something like that sober. What makes me lie when I drink?! :react And most importantly, what should I do now? Anyone's help and comments will be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. :) :thanks

Vastreaction 04-22-2013 05:41 PM

I can't say WHAT makes us do it, but I'm in the same boat. I imagine there's some scientific answer buried somewhere related to Dopamine levels boosting our self-confidence and bravado, yadda yadda.

Yeah, the lies just flopped out of my mouth when I was in a roaring binge.

Just hope you never have to prove your boxing prowess :P

Welcome to SR :)

DG0409 04-22-2013 05:51 PM

Just come out and tell them.

No harm done really... it's not like lying about boxing is that important. And at least then you can feel good about coming clean. Maybe they'll think it's funny. And if you let them know that you're not to be trusted when you're drunk, you'll cover any future drunk lies, too.

I think the lying is closely linked to the alcohol- many of us seem to have come up with a few. Best to avoid the alcohol and then you don't have to worry about it in the future.

sugarbear1 04-22-2013 06:12 PM

our ego likes to blow itself up

Wastinglife 04-22-2013 06:19 PM

I hear you Sobersteph! I make up the dumbest crap when Im drunk. The lies I tell don't even necessarily make me look better either. I tell people things like how I've worked in Europe or how I met a certain celebrity once. Sober, I never boast and am quite humble.
I suspect it may have to do with insecurities I harbour.

Maylie 04-22-2013 06:22 PM

When we have substances in our system we tend to get very happy, energetic, and crave to be the center of attention.

I would be happy that the lie wasn't one that will ruin the friendship. It is amazing some of the things that come out of people's mouths when they are under the influence.

I would most likely just tell the couple that you were drunk and you don't know why you would say that but it isn't true. They prob. won't care and this way down the line you won't have to tell even more lies to cover up the first lie. It is better to get the truth out and not have this hanging over your head. Also, it is better to force ourselves to own up to the consequences of what we do when we are under the influence and forcing yourself to come clean is owning up to the drinking instead of just hoping the topic never comes up again.

Use this as yet another experience/reason to stop drinking and to start moving forward towards recovery.

least 04-22-2013 06:28 PM

:welcome


And most importantly, what should I do now?
Stop drinking.

360shoes 04-22-2013 06:32 PM

Yep, me too SoberStephanie. I shutter thinking about the crazy stuff that came out my mouth. Good news is that part stopped pretty darn quick once I quit drinking. Of all the improvements, that one was almost immediate!

bigaquagirl 04-22-2013 06:35 PM

Wellcome Stephany,
Boxing :) I once set at dinner with a guy who said he jumped of a plain as part of his army training. My friend who actually done the priviously mentioned as a hobby asked him a few questions. So it turned out that he jumped off a two storey hight macete of an airoplane (basical based jumped). Now I know this guy well, n he is a middle child (habit of pleasing everyone), has the need to impress everyone even with the lie... just a lot of insecurities. All he needs is to get a better faith in himself and not care what other people think of him. Does this sound familiar?
At the end of each persons life we on ly accountable for our own actions. Wishing to be something or someone instead of actually going out there and doing it is sad.
So is boxing your dream? If yes, why not persue it. It will be your hobby instead of drinking ...
If boxing is not your dream and you just said it for impression factor, then look within and figure out why these two people made you feel insecure?

rainyengland 04-22-2013 11:22 PM

Ur - I was the same :-(

The utter garbage that came out of my mouth!

The lies why I didnt get into work - wife broke her leg,kids ill,car won't start...all because I was so hungover :-(

Then there was all the crap I also said to make me sound interesting - found a dead body,making others stories my own...what a dick I was!

No idea why I did it- low self asteem I guess..good news is its one of the first things that recovers!

fantail 04-22-2013 11:42 PM

I agree with DGO. Own up to it, and laugh it off. "I need to come clean... this is really embarrassing, but the other night I'd had a few too many drinks and I told you guys that I'd been taking boxing since I was 12?! I have no idea where that came from, I've never even slapped anyone. Sorry about that! I shouldn't have had so much to drink."

Opivotal 04-23-2013 07:39 AM

Hi soberstephanie, I agree with the posters above. Come clean, it'll clear your conscience and your friends may already know it was just bravado.

I've told some whoppers in my time and I too, hate lying in any form. It's the alcohol talking, no excuse, maybe it's time to look at your consumption.


:welcome

wanttobepure 04-23-2013 08:29 AM

I don't know the answer to your question, but a better question might be, "why do I drink?"

Lyingdog 04-23-2013 09:31 AM

I think you should tell them about the Lie for one reason.... the Lies will get bigger and more personal if you dont stop drinking.
I am the same way except for the fact that I am married and I lie to My wife about my drinking and whatever else makes me sound the way i INTEND on being.
So my take:
If you confess that little harmless lie and quite drinking it will be hard for you to tell the next lie.
I too would like to know why we lie! My wife is very cool and understanding. She always told me that she didnt mind the drinking as much as the lying. We would have that discussion while sober and I would be so determined not to Lie and hide my empty beer cans and wine bottles all over the house. But as soon as I got a good buzz I would start planning my nest lie.
My wife does not understand our problem and started looking at me as a lair. I decided that I would rather be a recovering alcoholic than a lair.
Trust me.... the lies will only get worse so stay sober.

1stthingsfirst 04-25-2013 04:56 PM

I do the same thing. The lying is so embarrassing. I am back to square one today and I sure told a lot of whoppers last night. I searched for posts about lying... just for some solace. I do not like my drunk self. I know the pain of embarrassment will subside. I am just having a hard time with it being in the moment and at the front of my mind.

scg678 08-26-2013 12:23 PM

I'm so glad I found this thread. I used to tell ridiculous stories/lies when I was drunk, I cut back on the drinking for a while but 2 months ago I was faced with a few stressful events and went out on a 3 day binge and when I sobered up and remembered some of the things I said it was enough to turn me away from drinking for good. I was talking with an old co-worker of mine that last night I drank and proceeded to tell her that our old boss (a woman) and another co-worker (a man) wanted to sleep with me and tried to "seduce" me various times and that I slept with various co-workers. I don't know where the hell that came from and the worst part is is I still haven't found the courage to tell my friend that it was a bunch of lies, I'm so embarrassed about it to this day all I ever said to her was that I never wanted to talk about that ever again.

tate9685 08-26-2013 12:52 PM

Ahhh the lies. Yes, I have done this many times. My lies usually started before I even entered a drinking establishment. Wigs to change my hair length and color, giving a different name, younger age (of course)....It was like play time to me. I used to tell myself some whopping lies too and those are the worst. I would actually start to believe them. Anyway, I can be totally insane when I drink. Don't sweat it. I think if you will see these folks again and think it will come up...then maybe tell them that you never took boxing lessons. It's up to you really. Whatever you feel comfortable with. I disagree with some folks here who think that they will just laugh it off or won't be bothered by it. Maybe, but then again they may think you are in their eyes "strange". Normies don't understand sometimes. I don't know if I would tell or not...but I only have 41 days sober so I have alot of learning and growing to do...just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain....hang in there.

visch1 08-26-2013 01:45 PM

I feel it's called being Under The Influence. Alcohol has a way of stopping brain development and this may be an instance of it's toxic influence. Each of us have different ailments from drinking and this perhaps is one of them. Most people who can't get honest with themselves perhaps need more help? BE WELL

Dee74 08-26-2013 02:09 PM

welcome to SR SCG :)

I don't know why we lie, but life is a lot less complicated now I'm not drinking or lying :)

you'll find a lot of support here :)

D

EndGameNYC 08-26-2013 02:28 PM

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." ― Mark Twain


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