Off to an AA meeting.
 

Hey,

Since the join date on my avatar I have attempted to confront my problem with alcohol. Everyday since then I have tried not to drink. I have been a couple of weeks off the booze here and there even a month in October, but yet can not quit the soup.

I've I have pissed away a whole year. I'm really finding it tough to let go of the past events of the last couple of years. If I quit for a day, I go to bed wishing I was dead, on that night, the prospect of entering a non conscious, non feeling state is what probably gets me to sleep. I'm struggling with the feeling of regret and finding it hard to move forward. The last month has consisted of all day drinking and waiting for the supermarket to open at 6am so I can get numb again.

I am not going to cut my thoughts anymore. I have been thinkng that stockpiling sleeping pills will be a solution to this problem. I'm not a happy boy at all. I struggle to find any spirit. I believe I can be happy and so I carry on in this seemingly miserable existence.

I don't think I can wait for the magic happy fairy any longer though. What to do man? I have had so much good advice from you folks in the past, I think it's all down to me though in the end, I just want to be around spewing my thoughts ya' know?

I'm going to an AA meeting in an hour, I'll have to try not to cry if I look someone in the eyes or talk, at least I will be stepping forth.

Best of luck with the meeting. Let us know if it had a positive impact on you. Your making good inroads regardless of what you may think.

Oh no Jimjim you sound so low :-(.

I loved my first meeting, it was definitely a turning point for me. I felt suicidal for a long long time until the alcohol left my system - it was the alcohol making me feel like that, it wasn't real.

Much love xxx

Jim, it's so great that you're going! Even if you cry, we've all been there, and everyone at the meeting will understand.

Just put your hand up when they ask if there's anyone new, introduce yourself, and take people's numbers when they offer them to you. Best of luck!

I've been to a few meetings and read the Big Book, It wont be my first. Perhaps part of my point, these things don't seem to be working for me and ultimately I know it's all down to me., to put away the soup. It's a new meeting, I'm hoping to meet some interesting people who I can relate to.

Hang in there,,it gets better!! The meeting will make you feel better! Thinking of you!!

My very first meetings were at my detox program, so I was somewhat prepared for what to expect when I got home. There is a lot of variety from meeting to meeting.

Someone said at a meeting, "What does your recovery community look like?" as if we have some choice in the matter. The way I look at it, if I want to successfully fit in to the place where I live (despite being alcoholic), I need to go to AA meetings and work the program.

After about a month of meetings (I did 90 meetings in 90 days), I had some questions about what a "higher power" was, so I joined SR and I have since then used it as a resource for viewing a variety of experiences with AA.

Please keep us posted!

∞CF

how old r ujimjim? if u dnt mind, im young at this andfound aa meetings to be mainlyolderpeoplethat i couldnt relate too.
try different meeting and i also go to ca cocaine annonymous,its more younger people there. anyway good luck on yourjourney, love the john lennon pic,all you need is love , right? lol
peace

Hope it goes well JimJim.
I will be thinking of you.

Will you come back and let me know how you got on?

My best to you xx

Hope the meeting goes well this evening jim.

Jimjim, good luck with th AA. I worry about your dark thoughts, when life might be better just around the corner. Sobriety is never a barrel of laughs at the beginning, and unfortunately, real life doesn't put it's sh!t on hold until we are strong enough to deal. But I promise you sweetheart, that once those early ugly weeks are passed, the sudden surges of emotion begin to come under some semblance of control, and suddenly, there is a future and it doesn't look as dark. I wish you well. Pm me if you want.

I think you know what you need to do. Whether you use AA or another program, it ultimately comes down to you and you not drinking. Don't buy alcohol, get rid of the alcohol in the house and don't replace it. And, remember stopping drinking is just the beginning. All those thoughts you've been numbing away, you need to face and learn to deal with them. You can do this!

I'm glad to hear from you Jim - I hope the meeting helps.
I'm worried you're feeling so low too - keep letting us know how you get on :)

D

Jim I'm so glad to see you again. I hope the meeting was good, if you feel like saying hello in the March Class thread some of your old friends would be very glad to see you.

Just hugs, ********{JimJim}}}}}}.

Hey buddy, thinking of you and only hoping for the best. It's hard to believe when you're in the thick of it, but it does get so much better. To tell the truth, I didn't believe that myself until it actually happened, but it does happen.

Big hug JimJim.
Let people help you. We all need a shoulder and sometimes even someone to carry us. Everyone.

You are not alone.

Anna, you are so right.

It is down to you to figure this thing out for you.

I know that for me, everything changed when I was able to accept and embrace FOREVER. I was no longer abstaining and I was no longer drinking and nor was I carrying the anxiety of either condition.

I was free...simply a person that does not drink alcohol. No pain, no anxiety, no anger, no resentment...just freedom.

I just left a meeting and we had newcomers. And one of my favorite people spoke... This program is a great way to get honest and get rid of all your garbage. You don't have to have all those bad feelings. :)

Glad you're here.