I'm new here and terrified.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: New Haven, CT
Posts: 1
I'm new here and terrified.
I'm an alcoholic, there's no question about it. I'm 28 years old and I have a 14 month old son, I'm a stay at home mom. I have to drink every day to pretty much function as a human and I'm completely enabled by my fiancee and mother. They don't realize how much I'm actually drinking because I ask both of them to buy alcohol for me and lie about the fact that the other just bought me a bottle 2 days ago. They just know I'm nicer when I have a "few" drinks. Once I have no alcohol I become mean and almost useless as a mother. I'm also extremely isolated, once I had my son I lost most of my friends. My son is very well taken care of, there's nothing that would make anyone think he's being neglected or mistreated. But I'm sick of the lying and I'm sick of being reliant on a bottle, I'm sick of waking up feeling sick and trying to figure out how I'll get alcohol today. I honestly want help but I'm scared because I don't want to lose my son. I'm afraid that even if I go to a Dr to ask for help or to AA maybe someone will come and take my son. I live in southern CT and going to a meeting would be scary because I could easily see someone I know. I had an ex boyfriend who went to meetings for his opiate addiction and he would come home and tell me who he saw at his meetings, I'm very scared of that happening.
I know I most likely need a detox or this is going to kill me. I already have a very bad anxiety disorder so I've been self medicating. I know I need to stop but just going to the Dr or AA is terrifying. I'd love to talk to recovering moms and especially anyone that was adopted, because I was and it's kind of a huge issue for me.
Sorry for the novel.
I know I most likely need a detox or this is going to kill me. I already have a very bad anxiety disorder so I've been self medicating. I know I need to stop but just going to the Dr or AA is terrifying. I'd love to talk to recovering moms and especially anyone that was adopted, because I was and it's kind of a huge issue for me.
Sorry for the novel.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 135
Ashley, you and I have A LOT in common. I have to go pick my son up from school now, but if you're around in a half hour, I'd love to talk. BTW I have my dr. appointment today and I am terrified. But it needs to be done.
You're not alone.
You're not alone.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Ashley, and thanks for sharing your story. First off, you aren't alone - many of us have the very same issues you have and the good news is that you can overcome them all if you choose. Regarding seeing the Dr, remember that anything you tell them is confidential as well as AA. Everyone at the AA meetings is also a recovering alcoholic so anonymity is paramount. Many people feel the way you do prior to their first meeting, but be assured they are just fears - not reality. And as terryfying as the thoughts are, think of what will happen if you don't stop. SR is a great place to get support too, glad you came and please stick around!
Struggling with Sobriety
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Herriman, Utah
Posts: 1
Welcome Ashley
I am glad you have come here for support. It is very important that you have a place where you can honestly and openly express your feelings. I am a recovering alcoholic, it's a fight everyday. I really think the first thing you should do is talk with your loved ones. You know they are enabling you, they need to know as well. If they truly do love you they will stop at nothing to help. But they need to know the extent of your problem.
I hid the severity of my drinking from my wife and parents for years. I was very good at it. I am an extremely high functioning addict...I completed my masters in business admin during the heaviest drinking days. When I finally got to the point that my family recognized I had a problem I was well beyond being able to handle it myself.
After a series of unfortunate events, and being on the verge of suicide, I finally checked my self in to the hospital. They transferred me to a treatment center where I was able to detox for the first time in a decade. It was the worst experience of my life. However, the loss of fear, anxiety, suspicion, and physical discomfort was such a welcome change. I found out how terrible alcohol was making me feel.
The most important thing I learned in 6 months of outpatient treatment was to live my life with rigorous honesty. This means I keep no secrets. If I want to drink, I tell people. If I get caught drinking, I promptly admit to it. I make my whereabouts and travel routines public so that my family knows where and what I'm doing at all times. This of course is a delicate balance because it is not my family's job to babysit me.
The other thing you need to remember is to keep trying. Unfortunately relapse is a strong part of recovery. What you need to do is forgive yourself for what is happening. You suffer from a mental illness or a disease called alcoholism. Don't beat yourself up over it; you wouldn't punish yourself if you had cancer, would you?
Finally, who cares who sees you at AA. Everyone is there for the same reason and has the same apprehension. Finding someone you know there can be a reassuring and a good way to build some accountability.
Don't Give Up. The only two ways you can fail are if you give up fighting or don't start fighting in the first place.
I wish you the best.
B
I hid the severity of my drinking from my wife and parents for years. I was very good at it. I am an extremely high functioning addict...I completed my masters in business admin during the heaviest drinking days. When I finally got to the point that my family recognized I had a problem I was well beyond being able to handle it myself.
After a series of unfortunate events, and being on the verge of suicide, I finally checked my self in to the hospital. They transferred me to a treatment center where I was able to detox for the first time in a decade. It was the worst experience of my life. However, the loss of fear, anxiety, suspicion, and physical discomfort was such a welcome change. I found out how terrible alcohol was making me feel.
The most important thing I learned in 6 months of outpatient treatment was to live my life with rigorous honesty. This means I keep no secrets. If I want to drink, I tell people. If I get caught drinking, I promptly admit to it. I make my whereabouts and travel routines public so that my family knows where and what I'm doing at all times. This of course is a delicate balance because it is not my family's job to babysit me.
The other thing you need to remember is to keep trying. Unfortunately relapse is a strong part of recovery. What you need to do is forgive yourself for what is happening. You suffer from a mental illness or a disease called alcoholism. Don't beat yourself up over it; you wouldn't punish yourself if you had cancer, would you?
Finally, who cares who sees you at AA. Everyone is there for the same reason and has the same apprehension. Finding someone you know there can be a reassuring and a good way to build some accountability.
Don't Give Up. The only two ways you can fail are if you give up fighting or don't start fighting in the first place.
I wish you the best.
B
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Spokane
Posts: 66
I am a single mom to 3 babies. 6, 4 and 1. I was addicted to opiates for 3and 1/2 YEARS and am now a little over 2 months clean. I can tell you this, if you get clean you will benefit yourself and your baby so much as well as everyone that loves you. If you DON'T get clean then everyday you continue your addiction is a day you're risking losing your son and yourself. I've NEVER had c cps on me or anything and getting clean my drs, rehab and whoever have only mentioned what great choice I am making for my children. Getting sober is what you and your baby deserve. Don't be afraid to seek help. They want you to be the best mommy you can be and unfortunately being drunk or high will never let you be the mom your baby deserves or even a "good" mom. I learned that the hard way and it hurts still. My babies were always taken care of but they suffered emotionally because of my addiction as any child would to an addict mom
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Savannah
Posts: 190
Hi Ashley, I am glad you came here for support & that you recognize you have a problem, which is the first step.
Going to for help now, rather than latter, is important. I know you are scared of losing your son but if you continue on the road you have been going down, you will definately loose you son in the furture. Things will only get worse.
Many people avoid AA for fear of being seen, meanwhile their life continues to spiral out of control. There are good people in AA who have a wealth of knowledge & that can really help you.
Good luck to you!
Going to for help now, rather than latter, is important. I know you are scared of losing your son but if you continue on the road you have been going down, you will definately loose you son in the furture. Things will only get worse.
Many people avoid AA for fear of being seen, meanwhile their life continues to spiral out of control. There are good people in AA who have a wealth of knowledge & that can really help you.
Good luck to you!
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Ashley
I think many of us relate to someone struggling to live life sober - often it's not so much the drinking we have problem with, but living life sober. Solutions such as AA/12-step give you a new way of approaching life. Have hope - lots of people have been where you are and have fully recovered from dependence on alcohol for everyday living.
God bless +
I think many of us relate to someone struggling to live life sober - often it's not so much the drinking we have problem with, but living life sober. Solutions such as AA/12-step give you a new way of approaching life. Have hope - lots of people have been where you are and have fully recovered from dependence on alcohol for everyday living.
God bless +
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
Hi ashley your not alone here and I feel the very same as you about AA. I have found the people here very supportive and it has made my life in the last few days much easier. This time last week I would have never even dreamed of writing my issues down. It's funny though it actually does help. I am not much help to you as regards staying sober as I'm still trying to figure out what route I'm going to take but if it's any help to know know that your not alone in feeling the way you do. I wish you the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you find what your looking for. SR is a great site so stick with it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
Hi, Ashley.
You are not alone in your fears. However, as much as you'd like to avoid AA, I guarantee you that you won't be able to get sober without it. Today is Day 30 of sobriety for me, and I would not be sober if it weren't for the AA fellowship.
I was terrified to go to my first meeting, and my second, and my third, but now that I'm going nearly every day, I actually look forward to them now and find comfort there more than anything else.
You and I are about the same age (I'm 29). I don't have any children, but I have a very serious and debilitating anxiety disorder, like you. If you need someone to talk to about what AA is really like, how to find a meeting, what to expect, etc., PLEASE, message me and I'm more than happy to help.
You are not alone in your fears. However, as much as you'd like to avoid AA, I guarantee you that you won't be able to get sober without it. Today is Day 30 of sobriety for me, and I would not be sober if it weren't for the AA fellowship.
I was terrified to go to my first meeting, and my second, and my third, but now that I'm going nearly every day, I actually look forward to them now and find comfort there more than anything else.
You and I are about the same age (I'm 29). I don't have any children, but I have a very serious and debilitating anxiety disorder, like you. If you need someone to talk to about what AA is really like, how to find a meeting, what to expect, etc., PLEASE, message me and I'm more than happy to help.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by shirlygirly 
However, as much as you'd like to avoid AA, I guarantee you that you won't be able to get sober without it.
This is only the experience of the member here. You can get sober without AA and there are many different ways to do so that are talked about in detail on this site.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Nattythreads
Ashley
This is only the experience of the member here. You can get sober without AA and there are many different ways to do so that are talked about in detail on this site.
This is only the experience of the member here. You can get sober without AA and there are many different ways to do so that are talked about in detail on this site.
SR is a great place to find info about all of them, and there are specific forums for each. However, the newcomers forum is not a place to debate their merits - only to provide information about how and where to get help and share personal experiences.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by Nattythreads
Ashley
This is only the experience of the member here. You can get sober without AA and there are many different ways to do so that are talked about in detail on this site.
This is only the experience of the member here. You can get sober without AA and there are many different ways to do so that are talked about in detail on this site.
Even without alcohol, an alcoholic still has the mind of an alcoholic. AA will help you understand how your mind, as an alcoholic, functions, and how to cope with that. I was never able to attain that individually, with a doctor, in therapy, through yoga/exercise, with friends, family, etc.
For years I tried to quit drinking, through pretty much any method discussed here on the site, and even when "sober" I was what's called a "dry drunk," like many of the people I know who quit without AA. Look up "dry drunk" and you'll know what I mean.
Best of luck.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I would paretially agree with with Natty on this - there are many recovery methods other than AA ( AVRT, Smart, Rational, SR, etc. ). Having said that don't discount AA as as one of the potential options. Each one is different and not "one size fits all".
SR is a great place to find info about all of them, and there are specific forums for each. However, the newcomers forum is not a place to debate their merits - only to provide information about how and where to get help and share personal experiences.
SR is a great place to find info about all of them, and there are specific forums for each. However, the newcomers forum is not a place to debate their merits - only to provide information about how and where to get help and share personal experiences.
I'm an active NA/AA participant, Scott. No debate was intended on my part, only that I recognize fully that it's not everybody's cup of tea and there is a wider purpose to this forum.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I got sober with the help of SR and my addiction counselor. There are many ways to get sober. Some people here got sober just with the help of this forum.
I understand how you feel but you must seek help from someplace. Do it to be a better mom to your baby.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Welcome to SR Ashley! This is a great place to vent, learn from others, get support, and get motivation to keep moving forward
Being honest with yourself and realizing you have a drinking problem and that you need help is a HUGE first step and you should be proud of yourself for being open and honest enough with yourself to come to that conclusion. Although it might not seem like a big step, many people stay in denial for years or decades and you cannot move towards recovery unless you take that first step of admitting there is a problem.
It is normal to be afraid that if people find out you having a drinking problem that you child will be taken away. However, the chances of your child getting taken away from seeking help is so much less than the chances of your child getting taken away if you keep drinking. Although people might not notice how bad your drinking is right now and your child is being taken care of right now, alcoholism is progressive and eventually people will notice and eventually you will not be able to take care of your child properly.
Doctors and AA are confidential. Make an appointment with your doctor and be completely honest. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous and only a doctor can help you make a safe detox plan. As for people seeing you at AA, remember that even if you see someone you know..that person is at AA for the same reason as you are. Although there are not guarantees that no one will say they saw you there, remember that if that person told someone then that person would be telling someone that he or she went to AA and that he or she was an alcoholic. If you still don't feel comfortable going to a meeting, there are different recovery programs that don't require meetings. There are so many options, you just need to find one that fits your life and personality and then work that program with everything you have in you.
Keep posting and reading on here. Do some research on different recovery methods and choose one that fits your life style. Recovery is so important and it will not only change your entire life, but it will change your child's life also. You might think that your child is fully taken care of and that your child doesn't know what is going on but children pick up on more than we think and some way some how your child will be negatively affected in the future by your addiction and the best thing you can do for your child is to get better and be the best mother you can possibly be.
Recovery might seem scary, but it is worth it and you can do this!
Being honest with yourself and realizing you have a drinking problem and that you need help is a HUGE first step and you should be proud of yourself for being open and honest enough with yourself to come to that conclusion. Although it might not seem like a big step, many people stay in denial for years or decades and you cannot move towards recovery unless you take that first step of admitting there is a problem.
It is normal to be afraid that if people find out you having a drinking problem that you child will be taken away. However, the chances of your child getting taken away from seeking help is so much less than the chances of your child getting taken away if you keep drinking. Although people might not notice how bad your drinking is right now and your child is being taken care of right now, alcoholism is progressive and eventually people will notice and eventually you will not be able to take care of your child properly.
Doctors and AA are confidential. Make an appointment with your doctor and be completely honest. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous and only a doctor can help you make a safe detox plan. As for people seeing you at AA, remember that even if you see someone you know..that person is at AA for the same reason as you are. Although there are not guarantees that no one will say they saw you there, remember that if that person told someone then that person would be telling someone that he or she went to AA and that he or she was an alcoholic. If you still don't feel comfortable going to a meeting, there are different recovery programs that don't require meetings. There are so many options, you just need to find one that fits your life and personality and then work that program with everything you have in you.
Keep posting and reading on here. Do some research on different recovery methods and choose one that fits your life style. Recovery is so important and it will not only change your entire life, but it will change your child's life also. You might think that your child is fully taken care of and that your child doesn't know what is going on but children pick up on more than we think and some way some how your child will be negatively affected in the future by your addiction and the best thing you can do for your child is to get better and be the best mother you can possibly be.
Recovery might seem scary, but it is worth it and you can do this!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Nattythreads
I'm an active NA/AA participant, Scott. No debate was intended on my part, only that I recognize fully that it's not everybody's cup of tea and there is a wider purpose to this forum.
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