New here, after 105 days sober
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
New here, after 105 days sober
Hi everyone. I fell off the wagon intentionally, and I've been lurking around SR for 3 years or more, trying to control my drinking or quit entirely, that's what I've been doing for so many years. I drank for one night. Got the buzz around the first beer, later got nothing positive out of it and feel great remorse today.
Today is not my final sobriety date as I'm gulping down liquid poison to "safely detox" at home myself. I'm 28 years old and I've drunk the last 8-10 years of my life away... not everyday, but mostly almost.
To all of you attending AA, I am going to an AA meeting soon. Can't afford to take any chances, if things were to go south.
Today is not my final sobriety date as I'm gulping down liquid poison to "safely detox" at home myself. I'm 28 years old and I've drunk the last 8-10 years of my life away... not everyday, but mostly almost.
To all of you attending AA, I am going to an AA meeting soon. Can't afford to take any chances, if things were to go south.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
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Welcome to SR UnixBer 
Glad you are finally posting after all that time, I am not sure I could have resisted
Have you spoken to a doctor about detox? Have you got support with the tapering?
You'll find lots of support here x
Glad you are finally posting after all that time, I am not sure I could have resisted
Have you spoken to a doctor about detox? Have you got support with the tapering?
You'll find lots of support here x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
Hey hypochondriac, I can relate to your nickname, especially with hangovers.
You're the first to reply to this thread. Thank you. Haven't seen a doctor in ages, wonder what they'd say. And got here SR to support my "tapering" and nice trance music. Music has a calming effect, kind of brings me to senses even in bigger storms.
But the reason for putting the drink down is obvious. I want to live. With drink, neither living nor even quitting nicotine works with me. I had almost 8 days off nicotine when I drank.. Can't fathom why the cashier ladies and other guys and women just look in awe at someone who purchases alcohol. Crazy world.
You're the first to reply to this thread. Thank you. Haven't seen a doctor in ages, wonder what they'd say. And got here SR to support my "tapering" and nice trance music. Music has a calming effect, kind of brings me to senses even in bigger storms.
But the reason for putting the drink down is obvious. I want to live. With drink, neither living nor even quitting nicotine works with me. I had almost 8 days off nicotine when I drank.. Can't fathom why the cashier ladies and other guys and women just look in awe at someone who purchases alcohol. Crazy world.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
Just to update something of my drinking career:
I have at least 2 DUI's. Lost my beatiful car. You have no idea how much I loved that car, it always started, and now some stranger has it. It was supposed to be for my own use only. This is causing me emotional turmoil.
I've got into fights due to drinking, and each time drunk, I've also lost the fight.
I won't lose sober.
In a nutshell when I started drinking, things have been almost imperceptively going downhill, no exception. I even got fingerprinted at the policestation. For doing what? Have no recollection of that.
Without finding this forum and understanding the reality of PAWS I would propably not be here typing, better yet not having stringed together these awesome 105 days which equal 3 and a half month. PAWS, that is the key word of success for my past sobriety. It is real, it is true.
Along the same line I have to agree with some AVRT, since I do recognize that some of my thoughts and emotions revolve unwarranted around the booze in such a way that it disturbes my mental balance. It is not normal. This in my opinion makes addiction also a disease.
I guess I have a load to share too... will not do it unless I am ready.
Just to remind you people who may think that unixber is cool nickname, don't let your mind be clouded by such. We are all human. Just different people.
Hope this makes some sense.
I have at least 2 DUI's. Lost my beatiful car. You have no idea how much I loved that car, it always started, and now some stranger has it. It was supposed to be for my own use only. This is causing me emotional turmoil.
I've got into fights due to drinking, and each time drunk, I've also lost the fight.
I won't lose sober.
In a nutshell when I started drinking, things have been almost imperceptively going downhill, no exception. I even got fingerprinted at the policestation. For doing what? Have no recollection of that.
Without finding this forum and understanding the reality of PAWS I would propably not be here typing, better yet not having stringed together these awesome 105 days which equal 3 and a half month. PAWS, that is the key word of success for my past sobriety. It is real, it is true.
Along the same line I have to agree with some AVRT, since I do recognize that some of my thoughts and emotions revolve unwarranted around the booze in such a way that it disturbes my mental balance. It is not normal. This in my opinion makes addiction also a disease.
I guess I have a load to share too... will not do it unless I am ready.
Just to remind you people who may think that unixber is cool nickname, don't let your mind be clouded by such. We are all human. Just different people.
Hope this makes some sense.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
I have mountainload to say, but so little comes out... sorry I need to vent folks.
Have you ever met real witches or wizards, for I have. It has changed my life forever. It is not common for anyone involved in the arts to out open casually like this. Indeed it is a rare miracle. And there is a reason why not to...
But I can confidently say that this universe is very akin to a playground of "god" where anything is possible. You only need to train your mind. This could mean meditation, emptying your mind regularly of all thought processes, your nervous system and energetic systems will thank you.
I know it is possible... to do the almost impossible. As I've done it myself before. I got lucky, possibly due to my own curiosity and open mind. Open mind you need to have when passing such waters. You may say: 'idiocy', 'ludicrous fool'... but ask again within what is the core of your issue. I am in luck to have developed a resistant type to negativity, for I am an opportunist, no matter the weather, however bad it looks, it can always be overcome. God says so? Maybe. God means different things to different people but we all do have an element of god within ourselves, we can indeed make the impossible happen. I've witnessed this without any religion. It is possible. It is true.
I believe.
Just needed to vent.
Have you ever met real witches or wizards, for I have. It has changed my life forever. It is not common for anyone involved in the arts to out open casually like this. Indeed it is a rare miracle. And there is a reason why not to...
But I can confidently say that this universe is very akin to a playground of "god" where anything is possible. You only need to train your mind. This could mean meditation, emptying your mind regularly of all thought processes, your nervous system and energetic systems will thank you.
I know it is possible... to do the almost impossible. As I've done it myself before. I got lucky, possibly due to my own curiosity and open mind. Open mind you need to have when passing such waters. You may say: 'idiocy', 'ludicrous fool'... but ask again within what is the core of your issue. I am in luck to have developed a resistant type to negativity, for I am an opportunist, no matter the weather, however bad it looks, it can always be overcome. God says so? Maybe. God means different things to different people but we all do have an element of god within ourselves, we can indeed make the impossible happen. I've witnessed this without any religion. It is possible. It is true.
I believe.
Just needed to vent.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
Hi Dee!
My intentionally jumping off the wagon (jumping the gun) was because my addiction told me that I'm cool to have a break since I got 105 days sober. Actually I was inspired by an effort of another person going thru all that. That's the gist of it, I think.
It was propably also due to stopping nicotine, which made me sleepy during the day and felt like something was missing and it gave the perfect opportunity for the addiction to suggest that 'now's the time to take it back, it's the nicotine that has been your problem, now drink and ease up'... well... the problem was alcohol all along...
Makes me feel stupid to have fallen for such a little trick, but past is past. Now onwards. Thanks for replying.
My intentionally jumping off the wagon (jumping the gun) was because my addiction told me that I'm cool to have a break since I got 105 days sober. Actually I was inspired by an effort of another person going thru all that. That's the gist of it, I think.
It was propably also due to stopping nicotine, which made me sleepy during the day and felt like something was missing and it gave the perfect opportunity for the addiction to suggest that 'now's the time to take it back, it's the nicotine that has been your problem, now drink and ease up'... well... the problem was alcohol all along...
Makes me feel stupid to have fallen for such a little trick, but past is past. Now onwards. Thanks for replying.
The first thing to do is put the bottle down. There's nothing good in there.
Going to an AA meeting might be a good first step. i'm glad you found us and joined the family.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Actually, it is an honor to be here. Especially in your presense Dee74. I can only imagine the hell and turmoil you've experienced, so I take it it is obvious you are strong.
It is also pretty rewarding to mess around with html/forum codes. Being sober enables all that is needed and even more. Actually I know nothing better. Being sober has not been always easy, especially the first few months, though good days are everywhere.
Sometimes it makes me wonder why on earth did I not join SR sooner. Maybe it was personally a decision that once I do, it is definately over. I ring a bell here. I've met some amazing people who are always sober and having fun, what a thought... so I guess it is possible to have tons more fun sober than drinking or trying to moderate ever.
A word about moderation. I tried and tried, only to fall again. It doesn't seem to work. Also it makes no difference what brand of alcohol is used, I always get into a personality that I dislike, almost as if possessed.
I think I've visited delirium a time or more in the past. That is hell. It is just one more of nature's way of indicating that drinking is poisonous and deadly, and it is a wonder how in today's society it is even encouraged... <- not a miracle really, if you think how much the alcohol industry makes money out of keeping the people disempowered and in illusionary view... it is a prison. This is not even a joke.
!edit: had to make things more readable here. Linux rules for servers and CMS.
It is also pretty rewarding to mess around with html/forum codes. Being sober enables all that is needed and even more. Actually I know nothing better. Being sober has not been always easy, especially the first few months, though good days are everywhere.
Sometimes it makes me wonder why on earth did I not join SR sooner. Maybe it was personally a decision that once I do, it is definately over. I ring a bell here. I've met some amazing people who are always sober and having fun, what a thought... so I guess it is possible to have tons more fun sober than drinking or trying to moderate ever.
A word about moderation. I tried and tried, only to fall again. It doesn't seem to work. Also it makes no difference what brand of alcohol is used, I always get into a personality that I dislike, almost as if possessed.
I think I've visited delirium a time or more in the past. That is hell. It is just one more of nature's way of indicating that drinking is poisonous and deadly, and it is a wonder how in today's society it is even encouraged... <- not a miracle really, if you think how much the alcohol industry makes money out of keeping the people disempowered and in illusionary view... it is a prison. This is not even a joke.
!edit: had to make things more readable here. Linux rules for servers and CMS.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
I'll stick to this regular font. (I love tuning up and changing things when it comes to computers, sorry).
So to make it more simple; I really love being here, I mean I like you folk already. However I am not a person who leans on other people, I've made it all out alone in the past and myself is the person who gets most trust... Maybe it is now time to learn trust in fellow human beings, a thing lost for so many years...
We've all experienced clashes and conflict in our lives, and it makes things richer to know that everyone is different. This is truly the right place to be, I don't know how any of you view that opinion or line of text and I do not care... unless you are wearing sunglasses.
So to make it more simple; I really love being here, I mean I like you folk already. However I am not a person who leans on other people, I've made it all out alone in the past and myself is the person who gets most trust... Maybe it is now time to learn trust in fellow human beings, a thing lost for so many years...
We've all experienced clashes and conflict in our lives, and it makes things richer to know that everyone is different. This is truly the right place to be, I don't know how any of you view that opinion or line of text and I do not care... unless you are wearing sunglasses.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 638
update. The hangover is kind of past and I'm slipping into drunkenness, and that is one thing I do not desire to tarnish this beautiful place with... so I'll end it for today at this reply, tomorrow will be entirely sober. It will.
The nature may seem like it is full of traps (and blessings), which it might be for one seeking those. In my opinion it is what you seek you eventually find. If you are not seeking truth in your endeavor, you may find mind-made reality, which only proves your mindset to the correct... I'd avoid this... Simple things can be made complex, complex things may also be very simple, not always, and before I start this journey I want to make it clear that there are things in the world (or worlds) that are not so easy to explain, the truth of nature passing is one of them, yet only a fraction of any total comprehensive.
Better trust your deep mind and know you have more power than you think you are... I wanted to post this as an insurance, that if things were to go wrong at any point, I would still have made it clear for all to understand the expansion of the worlds, which may also go by the name 'everexpanding space'. Well space mass does expand and scientists in this 3d world know this. You know too. Can you deny such a fact, the answer if highly likely no, but somebody could... I mean there is always something you don't know. Always space to learn also... It is good foundation to grow upon...
And I'm going to stop being philosophic and let's do this together.
The nature may seem like it is full of traps (and blessings), which it might be for one seeking those. In my opinion it is what you seek you eventually find. If you are not seeking truth in your endeavor, you may find mind-made reality, which only proves your mindset to the correct... I'd avoid this... Simple things can be made complex, complex things may also be very simple, not always, and before I start this journey I want to make it clear that there are things in the world (or worlds) that are not so easy to explain, the truth of nature passing is one of them, yet only a fraction of any total comprehensive.
Better trust your deep mind and know you have more power than you think you are... I wanted to post this as an insurance, that if things were to go wrong at any point, I would still have made it clear for all to understand the expansion of the worlds, which may also go by the name 'everexpanding space'. Well space mass does expand and scientists in this 3d world know this. You know too. Can you deny such a fact, the answer if highly likely no, but somebody could... I mean there is always something you don't know. Always space to learn also... It is good foundation to grow upon...
And I'm going to stop being philosophic and let's do this together.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Bumping this thread.
Unix, if you won't listen to us, listen to yourself. I have read through your posts and I wondered if you have indeed stayed sober all this time. You first post here is the most cogent. The last one on this thread sounds a little like you were a few days ago.
I wish you the best, you are battling something big. Be honest with yourself if you want to get better.
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Unix, if you won't listen to us, listen to yourself. I have read through your posts and I wondered if you have indeed stayed sober all this time. You first post here is the most cogent. The last one on this thread sounds a little like you were a few days ago.
I wish you the best, you are battling something big. Be honest with yourself if you want to get better.
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