It's getting harder to abstain
 

Went to the bruins game with my husband and his friends yesterday. I was obviously the dd. everything was fine for the first half of the game. They kept going to the beer line nd coming back with 2 each. After the game they wanted to grab a few more so I Played along, not wanting to be Debbie downer.... A couple more turned into a 9 hour drinking binge that I quietly observed. I can't express the range of feelings that went through me yesterday. From sheer anger to anxiety, to animosity, angst and jealously. Jealous of those around me who were dressed nicer, who were you get and skinnier And drinking.
I spent my 20's drunk. I am so regretful of that and yet I long for those feelings again. The feeling of being careless and free. The wy I felt when I was drinking. I know hose feelings are not real. Those feelings Are my addiction lying to me to get me to give in. But I WANT to give in. I WANT to drink. I WANT that life back. I know it is not possible.
Feeling very very sad today....

Glad you persevered, that must have been rough. I personally would have offered to take them home after the game or call them a cab. There's a difference between hanging out with friends at a game, concert, whatever when drinking is also happening. Once the activities shift solely to drinking, that's when you need to cut your losses and head home IMHO.

You know drinking isn't an option, it's just your brain fooling with you in the face of incredible temptation to join in. If anything you should feel happy and proud that you are sober today. Imagine how your friends feel today..

You might want to stay home the next time until you can handle a situation like this without it upsetting you so much. In time you will.

I don't know how long you've been sober ivegotsunshine but that situation would have p;ssed me off well and truly any time, and if it is early days then you'd have every right to be annoyed at your husband making you be the DD when he was drinking so much. I had to suffer through a few drinking situations early on in my sobriety and it was hell. I was proud I got through it though, and so should you be. It's a massive achievement to stay sober when everyone else is drunk. I am okay in those situations now, but I do avoid them just because they bore the hell out of me.

In terms of being careless and free, nothing does that like being sober. There are so many things I don't have to worry about now I don't drink.

I am sorry you had such a tough time but give yourself some credit for staying sober. Hope you feel better soon, I am sure you will :) x

That would have been a tough one for me, too. Even being sober for many years. Like Scott said, I would have had them take a cab. I would have been the Debbie (Donny?) Downer. It might be tough in the moment, but the payoff I get from skipping those activities is tremendous. I stay sober, and have a joy and event filled life.

While not quite the same, your story kicked in a memory from a couple of years ago. I'm a musician, and we played a show in a well known motel one holiday weekend in LI. When we finished the show, the guys went on partying at the bar. I left, went back to our room, and climbed into bed. About a half an hour later the party spilled into the room. The band and several women. Wasted. This was my scene... can't tell you how much I wanted to be a part of it, yet I don't do it well unless I'm in the same condition as they were. Not to mention I was engaged at the time to be married. Anyhow, one of the girls lit up a joint, and yes... as hard as it was, I had to ask them to take it all outside. The girls were apologetic, the guys hated me. :) I'm not in that band anymore, and while that incident wasn't the direct reason, the party aspect of that situation clearly wasn't where I belonged.

So... In the end, I didn't have a crazy drunken night that night, but I have a great relationship with the woman I'm married to, I'm still sober, still have my job, still have my health, and I'm looking forward to a 7 day cruise in Europe in July, along with a few days extra stay in Rome and Venice. Have 2 new groups I play with also, making more money, with people who aren't all about partying. I didn't have a good time that night in the hotel, actually felt like a loser and had the same range of pretty intense feelings as you. But that lasted about 3 hours. The payoff is lasting many years.

And while I know this isn't going to be helfpul, your husband doesn't sound like the nicest dude. A little support would be helpful, and it sounds like he's looking to make things as difficult as possible for you. I'd have a sincere talk with him or get into counseling. It's difficult enough to get sober when everyone is on your side. The situation you're in makes it a whole lot tougher. If he isn't going to be supportive, then I think you need to learn to steer clear of dangerous situations. Even if we get past them without drinking, the effects often carry into the following days and weeks.

Do what you need to do for you.

Maybe you should look at the positives from this. You were out and surrounded by alcohol and didn't drink. Alcohol is so addictive for me I could not possibly do what you did and abstain at this stage of my life. It's not easy to kick any habit and if it was easy it wouldn't be a problem in our lives. I think you should be very pleased with yourself for being so strong. I hope that I can have the will power you have shown in the future your an inspiration to someone who is trying to stop drinking.

Good for you for staying strong! I think just being at the Bruins game after all the stress of the week might have been enough to make a lot of folks pickup.

My dad has over 40 years and never, ever puts himself in such situations - to this day it annoys him to be around drinking and a bunch of drunks. I know I can't do it - glad you stayed strong. I know you woke up angry and frustrated, but think of how much worse they're all feeling with hangovers.

Alcoholic or not, that situation would be hard on anyone. You made it through the nonsense sober!!! Congrats. Next time, tell the drinkers that they need to find a cab or walk home. Another positive is that you are not hung-over and they are most likely having a hard time with the light today.
You are awesome!

I can sympathize with everything you said. I do think one of the greatest solutions however is to get over alcohol. Stop thinking about it every waking second and start focusing on moving on with life. Stop looking at how many beers everybody is carrying. When at the bar, make sure to laugh with everybody else. If your life partner is having a good time- rejoice in it. And most of all, in the morning when everybody is hurting, go out for a run, thanking god with every step that you still have all of Sunday to enjoy sober.

It took me a while, but I am over alcohol. And when I get the brief crave My wife's normal and responsible partaking satisfies me.

Hang in there Sunshine! These feeling will pass, just dont succumb to them. Stay strong, they will go away in few hours.

I can only imagine. You stood strong and you should be super proud of yourself.

I know I am too early in sobriety to be in that situation. Being at someones house where they drink a beer or two is no issue but an event where people are getting smashed no thank you.

I went to a party where people were getting drunk a month ago, but I just made an appearance and then left early. If I was stuck there that would have been a long night.

I don't think I can ever be at a situation like you described and enjoy myself.

I'm sorry you ended up so frustrated but glad you stayed sober.:hug:

I was 6 months sober and felt like you did every time I was around people drinking. I hated going to places where people were drinking around me. And then I convinced myself I could have a drink, I probably wasn't even an alcoholic I said to myself. And then I picked up. 3 years down the line and I am back where I was when I did my detox. I hate this and can't stand myself, please don't go back to this ****. What makes things worse is I'm going to have to let everyone who loves me down again by admitting what I am.

The whole cab idea would have been great if we didn't live so far from the city. I thought i was ready to handle this kind of situation as I have been around many other social events with drinking since I quit. That's the trouble with being new to sobriety. You never know how you are going to handle something until you are in the situation. When my hubby and this particular friend get together they act like teenagers again. I was happy my husband was having fun and in a lot of ways I kept thinking, this is pay back for all the times I was out of control.... This is the first time since I've quit drinking that he has put me in this situation, he doesn't drink that much and when he does drink around me its usually only a couple and that doesn't even bother me. I don't expect him to quit drinking but I cant go through that again.

I agree with everyone else here ivegotsunshine - you did amazingly well.
I also agree that next time you all take a cab

I missed being careful and free too for a while - then I forced myself to remember the reality - the sickness, the embarrassment, the letting others down, the ovveriding focus of my life being to get drunk...

there was nothing carefree or free about that...don't let your head lie to you - it will take a feeling - a feeling you may have felt for 5 or 10 minutes - and try and make you believe you always felt that way....

I'm not carefree now - I don't think any adult living today can be - but I am free, and I'm less worried about stuff than I ever have been.

Life is good.

Isn't yours too?
D

And I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me just how much I am not spontaneous. I'm sorry but being a recovering alcoholic who is OCD and has moderate anxiety, spontaneity is just not an option for me anymore. THAT'S WHY I DRANK IN THE FIRST PLACE!