SoberHappyHour

You remind me a lot of my sobriety because our quit date is similar if not the same .. And also because I am also busy 24/7 which is my cause for stress .. And also because my feelings are exactly the same. I just sometimes feel like I work hard enough to deserve a beer and maybe just drink a couple, but then I think that maybe I should remember its not a good thing. Therefore, if something is bad then I don't 'deserve' it. This is a difficult and ongoing task, sobriety.

LadyinBC

Congrats on 133 days! I've more resigned myself to the fact that I can't moderate my drinking and I can't stop at one. I have finally accepted it. I don't ever want to drink again, but for me, saying forever is a scary thing. And I don't think I can make a promise like that. I'm afraid if I do I might become complacent and I always have to be vigilant on working on myself so I don't take that first drink again.

I do it one day at a time. All I am required to do is to get thru today without a drink. Tomorrow is another day and I'll deal with it then. So far it has worked for 274 days .

Pondlady

I quit ten months ago today. I told myself at the onset I was done. I know my life is better, but lately I do miss wine

Hevyn

Even though I knew it had destroyed me, in the back of my mind I still thought maybe one day I'd give it another try. Once I began to feel really good physically, and mended my relationship problems - it made no sense to play with it again. I did have a longing for it once in a while in the beginning, but after I got through the first year (with all the triggers a year will bring) I was confident that I didn't need it in my life. I didn't like saying 'never' - so I didn't say it - but in my heart I know I'm done.

Gottalife

The first few weeks were "I can't drink today" out of fear of the consequences. Then I realised that I could never drink safely - the delusion that I could, at some future date, was smashed. Then I realised I needed to stop for good and accepted spiritual help. Then around 60 days things began to change and I absolutely wanted to stay sober for good, not out of fear but because it looked so attractive - I was beginning to see the world through different eyes. Then, as I worked through the steps, I didn't really think very much about drinking, my priority seems to have changed to a desire to make contact with the mysterious Higher Power everyone was talking about. Only on one or two occasions since has the thought crossed my mind, and it was quickly dismissed.
Around 90 days the obsession was completely lifted as I worked on step 9.

But it was quite a few years, maybe 20 or more before I began to entertain the idea that I might never drink again. It wasn't that I had any reservations that one day I could, it was just that the prevailing wisdom in the rooms seems to be a kind of superstition that if you say you will never drink again, you probably will - sorta tempting fate.

But now I know many who followed the program achieved permanent sobriety and died sober. Subject to the same proviso of those who have gone before, I don't believe I will ever drink again if I stay, for the most part, in fit spiritual condition.

SoberHappyHour

It doesn't help that a friend of mine who got sober several months before me last year and inspired me to get sober called today and told me how he drank a couple weeks ago and may no longer remain sober because he no longer thinks it will be a problem. Makes me think that hmm well maybe I can drink again and be ok this time. Hate getting those thoughts because I kno how great a feeling sobriety has been.

HitRockBottom70

I was in a very similar situation around 130 days. Just remember why you quit and that having just 1 will bring you right back to the insanity. I don't know why we begin to think moderation is an option when we were never able to follow our own rules about alcohol. I know all my past "I can drink again and be ok this time"s always turned into an even bigger mess. Nope, not falling for that again.

TheEnd

I never say never. I don't think I ever want to be that sure of myself, but after a little over 2 yrs sober, I must say I feel quite confident in my sobriety. I have no desires, wishes, wants, whatever for a drink or a drug. And I have felt like that for a while now, probably somewhere after I hit the year mark. The confidence of being a non-drinker sort of exuded in me, but this never attitude, I don't know anything about that. I'm not drinking today, that's all that matters for the moment. If I continue to do that everyday, the rest should take care of itself.

When you say never, I believe you are setting yourself up for failure.

SoberHappyHour

Around what point in your sobriety did you finally feel the way you now do as opposed to how you felt around day 130 as you say ? Thanks

Salacia

Hi SHH,

I'm a little behind you in terms of days (almost 120 for me) and I can definitely relate to the fuzzy "never" concept. It has only been recently that I've been able to see myself sober through the next major drinking event, which for me is Christmas. Oh my do I love me some Xmas mimosas! And right now, I can see myself mixing, drinking, and sharing delicious mock mimosas with my family this Christmas. (I already researched recipes.)

Any way, although I wish I could have clear vision with the "never", I'm pretty happy with the fact that I know that at least I won't be drinking this year. Which in turn, btw, makes a fuzzy "never" a more solid concept. Maybe if you can visualize yourself through your next typical drinking day, it might help with a more committed never. It kind of works for me.

wpainterw

I never "knew" that I would never drink again. I "hoped" that this would be the case. My hopes came true, for 25 years. What I remember of day 133 was that I felt pretty unsure of myself. I had to work pretty hard focussing on not drinking, one day at a time. I remember meeting a former counselor at a polling place and she, enormously fat, opined that I would never make it. Hopefully she has been proved wrong, at least for the first 25 years. I'm 86 and there's not much more time left to prove her right. But I still watch my back for the "beast". Never checked up on my former counselor to see how she was coming along! I did have a former counselor call me up from out of state and she was drunk as a skunk with two DUI's.

W.

Michael66

Hi SHH.

This time around (among many attempts to moderate or give up) I really accepted Step 1, that I was powerless over alcohol and that I could never be a normal drinker. I soon accepted that I needed God's grace to sustain sobriety. Those steps took me 15 years to get to. In the past I managed a year's sobriety before, but stupidly thought that would have retrained my system. It took took several years to get back on the wagon. So this time around I started, for the first time, with a deep acknowledgement of Step 1, followed by total surrender to steps 2 and 3. That surrender gave me a hope and calmness that I had never experienced before (though I still found the first 3-4 months miserable). My future is in God's hands, but last week, at one year, I had sufficient hope to sign a lifetime pledge (the pledge itself is not a means to sobriety).

I wish it hadn't taken 15 years to really accept Step 1 but, as they say, we have hope for a better future, not a better past.

Congrats on day 133!

SoberHappyHour

Thanks for your words of encouragement people. I definitely feel as though I have two voices inside me and although the AV is saying you can drink a couple, it feels as though my voice is saying to my brain "you kno what maybe your AV isn't so bad, just wants you to have fun like you did so many times during the not so negative events" .. But I do realize I must remind myself of the bad things that alcohol did to me because all it takes is one to then go back go square one and trying to quit again. Not only that, but I also should remember that it's not just bad events that occur, but it comes with hangovers, gradual bad health, no motivation, etc. See, I'm talking myself out of it already

instant

Tomorrow never comes. It is always today.

The thought of never ever drinking again causes me no upset, or negative internal dialogue.

The opposite has been the case for some time now, each day i am thankful for what i have and that my life is free of the torment, shame and struggle that alcohol gave me.

It took a while to come to believe that i could sustain a sober way of being. I cried when i made six months, i felt a deep thankfulness to make to 12 months. In my second year my confidence and comfort in being able to manage my life and sobriety has grown. I just want this journey to continue. Not drinking is no big deal- but it means everything to me.

mecanix

Do you miss wine or a romanticised view of wine ?

I had to be clear on how alcohol effected me and my life and alternatly how it was portrayed by advertizing, the media and society in general .
Once i divided my physical experience from the "idea" of alcohol , it became easier to get a handle on .

Bestwishes, M

HitRockBottom70

I remember 6 months being a big turning point. After that there were some rocky times, but I really had decided to do whatever was required to never drink again. There have been times since that I questioned my decision to quit, but when this happened, I posted about it and made positive changes. Not one of us is perfect, but together we are pretty darn close.

rainyengland

Interesting topic and love that sasha - will remember that one :-)

Grymt

I go to bed knowing I haven't drunk today. A day at a time. I have found it gets easier ( which of course necessitates knowing I cannot take it for granted. I still have yets ahead of me in terms of ordinary events in a persons life and I intend to face them sober, calm, one day at a time. )

Pondlady

Very good point - thanks!

ChickenStu

I'm nearly three years sober. And to honestly answer your question... for me, that day never comes. I may have not had a drink in a while, but I still am an alcoholic. As much as I want to, I can't put my hand on my heart and say I'll never do it again.

The trick is SoberHappyHour, you've got to take things one day at a time. That may sound daunting, but I know someone who's 47 (FORTY SEVEN) years sober, and this guy will tell you exactly the same thing.

Don't worry about yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow. WORRY ABOUT TODAY. WORRY ABOUT NOW. The anniversaries then always come as a pleasant surprise.