Darkplace2013

Hi everyone. I'm a 30 year old male who binge drinks maybe three nights a month. Five weeks a go I said to myself I was giving up the booze however I lasted all of four days and I've been going out drinking consistently since. For the first time I've admitted to myself I'm an alcoholic. As my user name suggests things aren't going well for me presently. I want to give up alcohol for good. I have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I can go a certain amount of time without a drink but if I go out I binge. I can honestly say that in the last four years I have been in a dark place because of my binge drinking. I don't necessarily do anything stupid when I drink but for days after a night out I'm short of being clinically depressed and unhappy. I realise I have a serious issue here and I want to much to start living a proper life without alcohol. I'm physically very fit and keep myself in good shape but my mental state as a result of drink leaves a lot to be desired. To anyone on the outside I'm a very happy individual but the opposite is the case. As a result of the affects of alcohol on me I've destroyed a long term relationship because I was not able to be happy myself therefore I couldn't make her happy. I'm interested to know what advice people can give me. Also I'm not keen on the aa approach I don't like the idea of speaking to groups or people knowing my private business. In dire need of help.

Thanks for reading and I hope and pray I can be successful this time around.

Gilmer

Will pray.

Caledonia1

Hi Darkplace and a warm welcome to SR.

You've taken a great first step by admitting you have a problem so stick around here and read/post as often as you can or are comfortable with.

You'll get some great advice and support here.

Look forward to reading more of your posts.

Goat

I think deciding to give up the booze is a great idea. There was a time in my life where I was "only" a binge drinker like that, and I can tell you that if you're still drinking it will never get better!

I knew when I drank like you did that I needed to stop, but I didn't, and today I really wish I had!

When you said that you went out drinking constantly after telling yourself you were going to stop it really speaks to me, and it a definite sign that you are right about it being time to stop.

I applaud you for being here. That first step is a big one. A lot of people don't go to aa meetings and instead use this website as their support system.

Hang in there and hang around here, too. There are a lot of great people here who know what you're going through.

raja12

Got you in my prayers. I'm a newbie so I really can't offer you much advice. But from my experience, I always had trouble with drinking. I use to be casual drinker, then a weekend binger. It progressed
through the years. And it made my mental state(depression) much worse. There are many resources out there besides AA. Check out the other ones listed on the beginning page of this site. Glad you're reaching out. You will find tons of support here.

Darkplace2013

Thanks guys. It's a comfort knowing that there is support out there. I'm crying writing this and I never cry. I'm determined to live my life without alcohol I've tried numerous times before and always failed. Unfortunately for me I can't drink one or two and leave it at that I'm the guy drinking ten drinks. I'm finding it increasing tough to deal with being hungover to the point that I've no desire to live anymore at times. In every other aspect of my life I'm functioning quiet well well that the perception I give off but behind the scenes I'm a mess and an emotional wreck. Any advice will be taken on board. Thanks in advance

Goat

That's a good cry. I have become incapable of crying... except in these forums. Sometimes it's just so damn cathartic and the support from everyone is so strong that I just lose it. And I love that feeling.

I'm really glad you're here.

Caledonia1

((hugs)) Darkplace. In my early recovery I felt so low and depressed. This does change for the better.

Try to take it one day at a time or even break it down to a half day at a time or hour by hour.

Dib42

See if being active on here is enough of a support group for you. If that doesn't work, then you may need to find something like AA (I personally don't care for AA for alot of different reasons, but some people swear by it, and it has helped quite a few people. But I am not using it, and seem to be doing well. We'll see though)

You may want to see a doctor as well. Never hurts to inform a doctor about a behavorial health problem, especially one that could have physical/mental consequences.

You've come to a good place, and you're participating. Stick with it, and you can beat this.

Dib42

Rather than advice, I'll just let you know, that many of us have fealt the same way, and have had similar experiences and perceptions as you. A lot of us have gotten better, some have returned to drinking. So ultimately its up to you and how committed you are to beating this.

Darkplace2013

I really appreciate the fact that ye have taken the time to read my post and give me feedback. Alcohol has been the main contributory factor to almost everything negative that has happened in my life. I have tried to quit before but I suppose I'm the typical binge drinker. Monday and Tuesday I'm hungover, Wednesday I'm getting back into a routine, Thursday I'm feeling relatively o.k and actually happy at times, then the weekend comes and I'm off again drinking as much as I can until Monday comes around again.

Today I've decided I need to change my lifestyle. I even went so far as to contact my mother and tell her I've a problem with alcohol although I suspect she already knew. I know I'll find this tough and I'm scared out of my wits at the thought of failure. All my friendships involve alcohol. I may not speak to any of my friends from monday to Thursday but come the weekend we are organising some get together. I'm tired of it and I'm tired of having regrets, hurting people I'm supposed to love, wasting my money and generally being so depressed I can not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I want to live a life for me and not for a alcohol fuelled party. I hope I'm strong enough to do it.

Goat

You ARE strong enough to do it, with lots of help, of course, which you will find plenty of here.

Think about how happy you'll be next week without the weekend of drinking coloring everything.

You won't have to wait until Wednesday to get into a routine. You'll be happy *before* Thursday, and by Friday you'll be ready to spend a wonderfully sober weekend.

Dee74

Welcome Darkplace
You'll find a lot of support here.

D

least

It's a good decision to give up drinking. I wish I'd done it sooner. Treat yourself well during your early recovery. Good food, rest, and exercise. If you're not feeling less depressed after a couple months sober, see your doctor for tests to determine if you actually are clinically depressed.

I'm glad you're here.

raku

I find alot of support here...you may have to search around !

Cindy

Anna

I'm glad you found us. I really understand how bleak things look at the end of the drinking days. But, if you look around here, you will see that we can and do recover. I am not an AA person either, but have used SR as a lifeline for many years.

Darkplace2013

Thanks so much guys. Even being able to see the responses and read other peoples posts about their experiences has helped me feel a small bit better. I'm under no illusion that I've a long road ahead of me but I really want to stay sober now. Ye people don't realise how happy I am to have found this website I'm in such a bad place at the moment and I am so depressed because of alcohol it's a comfort to know that people who have never met me actually care.

Hevyn

Happy you are here, Darkplace. I felt my anxiety ease up a lot after I joined here. I never knew there were so many people who had the same feelings as I did. No one in my life understood - they could all drink socially.

You're wise to be dealing with this now - binge drinking is how I started, but over the years I ended up being completely dependent on it. It destroyed my happiness and optimism - and I had only meant to feel happy and relaxed. It definitely doesn't do us any favors or help us cope. Congratulations on reaching out and making the decision to have a better life.

Ozarkcowboy

Welcome. You have taken a great first step. I came here daily at first and in reality pretty much still do. This forum is full of people who dersire to get thier lives back and live them to the fullest. We help each other with support, advicie and sometimes just an ear to bend. It really does get better with time. Allow yourself the time to heal a bit before throwing in the towel. If any of us do fall down then we encourage each other to pick themselves up and start again. This is not an easy road to travel but I have found it to be much, much easier with a bunch of like minded friends.
So welcome my friend!!! Hang in there!!!

Darkplace2013

So I'm after waking up after posting yesterday. I was hungover when I wrote the initial post. I probably still am from two days ago. At the moment I'm in a deep depression full of regrets over my drinking. It's the weekend now and last night I was inundated with offers for a night out thankfully I didn't give in and I know today will be the same but it's easy say no when I feel so down. The problem will be next weekend when the dust has settled can I stay in then. I'm taking one day at a time. I'm due to attend a party Tuesday night when everyone will be drinking I plan on making my excuses and not going. I've also made an appointment with my GP. I've no problem saying I'm an alcoholic on a forumn like this where I can be anonymous but the idea of admitting it in public scares the life out of me. There is a stigma attached to it like your less of a person because you have an alcohol problem. I have spent my twenties in a alcohol fuelled daze and I'm determined to change that. It's unfortunate that I can't have a relationship with alcohol but I know it's an evil in my life and it's responsible for my weaknesses. If I don't sort it now the likelihood is I'll end up lonely, depressed isolated I can see it now. I see people who can go out have a few and head home but that's not me I have to keep drinking and actually don't know when to stop. I appreciate the responses I've received here. Now is the time to stop for me.