Blogs


Notices

Pray for me.

Old 04-20-2013, 01:39 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
animalnurse9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: auckland
Posts: 315
Hey dark place.what your saying certainly resonates with me too.its only day one for me and I'm terrified that as you put it 'when the dust settles I'll b off again and brushing it off.not easy!
animalnurse9 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to animalnurse9 For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 01:44 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
 
Done_With_It's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,366
Blog Entries: 15
Hey there,

Welcome! I can relate to ur post. For me I had to find things to replace that high... You get it from drinking, I got it from meth. For me learning to stay busy, and excited about soemthing new, as well as dealing with pain was key. You can do this! Someone earlier posted about being able to laugh again. In my early recover that was key for me. Finding those real laughs again............... U got this, U can do it!
Done_With_It is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Done_With_It For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), LDT (04-21-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 01:50 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 7,963
Darkplace, we all understand the depression and anxiety that alcohol brings into our lives.
I was racked with it too when I first joined.
For me, so much of it was due to the effects of alcohol. I lived in a haze most of the time and couldn't see a way forward. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without drinking, I'd done it for so long.
I was scared.

For me, it got to the stage where staying where I was became much more scary than moving forward into a new life. I hated who I had become. I wanted to be the person I knew existed somewhere inside me.

I'm in a much better place now. I'm free of the guilt and shame and am no longer depressed. I'd been on anti-depressants for 6 years before I'd got sober, but no longer need them.

Keep reading and posting. You will find lots of support here x

Jeni26 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Jeni26 For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 03:18 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Recovering
 
Michael66's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Darkplace

You are in my prayers. You might want to order a copy of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. That lays out a spiritual way that many have found has led to total and happy abstinence.

God bless +
Michael66 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Michael66 For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 04:27 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
it's the depression and anxiety that affects me the most. My drinking habits are unusual. I could go seven or eight days without a drink and be content then something goes off with me or something happens and boom I'm out drinking getting drunk and the following day I'm hungover miserable and depressed. Time will tell I'm so determined to kick it this time I think the fact I've told my mother ive a drink problem proves to me that I want someone other than myself to know. I feel today like I've finally realised I'm an alcoholic and admitted it to someone. although secretly I've known for ages I've had a problem but never admitted it to anyone. I've tried so many times in the last few years to quit but never spoke about it. Even the fact I've posted here makes it easier. My friends are talking to me about the big party they have planned tuesday. I haven't said I wont go yet I'll make an excuse closer the time and just not show up.

How have other people here dealt with the stigma of being an alcoholic? Or is this something I'm imaging? I'm slightly frightened to say it to my friends as I know I'll probably be laughed at and told I'm fine im great fun out. How did work colleagues react to anyone here saying they have a drink problem? I'm worried about how I may be perceived. In my line of work drinking is widely accepted and considered quiet normal.
Darkplace2013 is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Darkplace2013 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013), TrixMixer (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 04:54 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Leolife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
Stigma is only related to what you're doing with your life NOW. Quit the booze, get back in health, get away from the depression fog, and start living like you are meant to. Then the stigma will be not 'oh he's an alcoholic', but rather 'dam look how well dark place is living, man that guy is an inspiration!, maybe we should think of quitting too..'.

My advice, when you can, don't worry about thinking in terms of alcoholic, think in terms of what can I accomplish today and add value to my life. Once you leave that alcohol house on the dusty roadmap that is the journey of your life, that chapter is closed and you will be in an entirely new reality. One where liquor no longer features.
Leolife is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Leolife For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 04:56 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Recovering
 
Michael66's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi DP

When it comes to stigma - friends and family may already have some idea of how much you drink, though if you are anything like me some of that drinking may be hidden to varying degrees of success. When I stayed with my parents I would go and get a "coke" but found I could make it up with half coke and half white wine and it still looked pretty much like coke. My idea of a cocktail was how I could best hide disguise and hide alcohol. Anyway, my personal experience is far from experiencing stigma, there is a real appreciation of how I have tackled my drinking by embracing total abstinence. Close family were please and relieved. As for friends I simply tell them I was drinking too much (they don't all have to know exactly how much too much) and how I feel much better not ever drinking. If you do come across anyone who laughs (and personally I haven't) then I bet there is a fair chance they are drinking too heavily themselves and laughing at someone tackling the same issue may be part of their denial mechanisms. Maybe in time it is the one who laughs that may come and ask you for advice. But to begin with I would assume the best in people, while perhaps realising the heaviest drinkers may have the most difficulty with seeing your example of recognising your problem.

God bless +
Michael66 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Michael66 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), Leshar (05-11-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013), TrixMixer (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 05:52 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
I'm more afraid of telling people because if I don't stay sober then I'll be seen as a failure. I've no intention of failing I'm determined not to. I just want to stand in the middle of a crowded street and shout at the top of my voice "I'm an alcoholic". At the moment I'm all over the place but I'm going to give this everything I've got
Darkplace2013 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Darkplace2013 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 06:41 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Forest Hills, NY
Posts: 83
You need to read read read! Google recovery and addiction books. There are tons of great books with all kinds of different approaches, and one will be right for you. You need to desire sobriety more than the drink. You have it in you! Take small steps. Don't overwhelm yourself. Don't drink at the party on Tuesday, and please keep us posted.
KeyHeart is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to KeyHeart For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 06:50 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Forest Hills, NY
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by Darkplace2013 View Post
I'm more afraid of telling people because if I don't stay sober then I'll be seen as a failure.
Perfectly natural feeling, regardless of the end goal. No one knows I'm writing the Great American Novel. Because what if it doesn't pan out? Listen, you don't have to "come out" as an "alcoholic." You owe no one any explanation. I've never "come out," I simply say, regarding drinking, "It just wasn't working for me anymore."
KeyHeart is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to KeyHeart For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013), TrixMixer (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 11:51 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
raku's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
Yes ! there is a stigma attached..so... there is a stigma attached with cancer, and my current state of major depression....a stigma is somebody else's opinion, not yours !

Love to you, "inappropriate" comment or not !
Cindy
raku is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to raku For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 12:19 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Breaking Thru
 
trikyriky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
no longer a darkplace

Hi and welcome yo SR. I am. not alcoholic but an addict , same thing. Admitting you have a problem is HUGE. Coming here and posting is big too. Stay here, explore, read, seeing others like us is helpful. If you tell your friends and they are not understanding then they are not friends worth having. To change you may have to change a lot of things , friends included. I abused cocaine then regretted, isolated, became depressed. Then three or four days later felt better , gained confidence in being able to control my use, used again, again and again. I can't. For me the only choice is total abstinence. I can no longer use and that thought is terrifying. I am on day 8 and am just beginning. I have a long way go but I'll get there. Hope this helps, but whatever you do , keep coming back. SR is my rock.
trikyriky is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to trikyriky For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 12:37 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
TrixMixer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 655
Hi Darkplace and Welcome!

There have been so many wonderful posts in response to yours. I suggest you continue reading this as many posts on this forum you feel may pertain to your specific needs.

Michael 66 has some wonderful posts about how to handle your decision to get sober. It is good that you have admitted you are an alcoholic to your mother, but first and foremost to YOURSELF. None of the people you work with or party with have to know you have decided to stop drinking.

Frankly, the people you party with are your "drinking Friends". I found I had to give them up as well as their parties, and the various clubs that knew me so well. Know what --not one of those people ever called to ask where I was.
"Water seeks it's own level"....and how that is so true for we alcoholics.

Do not go to the party on Tuesday and stay away from any parties or clubs or (so-called) friends also. This may help you take the temptation to drink out of the equation. I sure did for me.

About your girlfriend--know this, DP, it is NOT your responsibility to make someone happy other than yourself. You have nothing to blame yourself for.
You as all of us here where the unlucky ones to have a predisposition to alcoholism. That's life--it is what you do for your own happiness about this situation that is MOST important. You are young and have a wonderful life ahead of you, but you must say good-bye to alcohol and the life you lived while an alcoholic.

I remember when I first wanted to get sober and people said it was "One day at a Time" . Never understood that until I realized that is just what I did --not drink one day after another. The scariest part if thinking you can never drink again--do not go there. Try one day, then the next, and before you know it you will begin to realize "Life exists outside of an alcoholic haze"...and it is a really good one.

Best of Luck to you Darkplace--You seem ready to take journey to the sober life. Perhaps counseling would be a good thought so you will have support and accountability to keep you on track .

We are here for you anytime. Just to listen or to talk. Stay with us it will help tremendously.

Sincerely,
TrixMixer
TrixMixer is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to TrixMixer For This Useful Post:
bslashc (04-21-2013), Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), Leshar (05-11-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 02:15 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
Hey people thanks so much for all the responses here I can't single any out in particular because they are all very helpful and appreciated. So it's Saturday night where I am at the moment and I'm not out which is great for me. I normally can't resist a saturday night regardless of how I feel. It's only early days I know that and I'm under no illusion that this will be easy because as I've previously said I have gone seven or eight days before without a drink. I've an appointment with my GP in two days and I plan to discuss everything with him. I feel a sense of relief that I actually have this appointment because previously I have made promises to myself to stop drinking but I've never stuck to them. So this is a step I've never before taken. Again I really want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for taking time out of their day to read and reply to my posts. It makes things that bit easier just being able to write my problems done and get other peoples opinions.
Darkplace2013 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Darkplace2013 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-20-2013), Hevyn (04-20-2013), KeyHeart (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-20-2013), TrixMixer (04-21-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 04:00 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 41,662
We're with you, Darkplace. Please keep posting as you go through this challenging time. Sounds like you are determined - I hope we can help.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), trikyriky (04-21-2013), TrixMixer (04-21-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 06:11 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
We're with you, Darkplace. Please keep posting as you go through this challenging time. Sounds like you are determined - I hope we can help.
I will keep ye updated its just such early days for me I'm terrified I won't succeed and to be honest I'll feel like a complete failure if I do. It's amazing when I reflect on my drinking down through the years that I can single handily pin point every bad idea I've had or every depressing thought I've had to alcohol. I've used it as a coping mechanism, if something bad happens me in my life I binge drink. The following day that problem is multiplied by a hundred. On the other hand if I'm in a great mood I still binge drink as a way of saying to myself you have been great this week you haven't gone out once now it's time to reward yourself, go get drunk. It's really a vicious cycle for me and I'm terrified that at the first sign of a problem I'll end up in a bar and I'm off again. I'm the type of guy who will drink as many beers as I can then I'll hit spirits until I'm totalled. The following morning I'll wake up full of regrets and saying those famous words I'm sure many here will have said "never again". I can honestly say hand on heart that if I continue down this road I know I'll end up with nothing I know the drink will finish me. I've had so many horrible thoughts when I'm hungover I find them even hard to type in this setting. I've spent two days ranting here :-) and thanks for listening. I'm looking forward to giving this my best shot but I must say I'm petrified at the idea of failure. I've never been great at coping with problems in my own life. If I had an issue 9 times out of 10 I ended up drunk. In the last five weeks I have drank a lot more than usual and after every binge I've been on I've said to myself "ok now you need to give it up and stay sober". Admittedly I've broken that promise to myself on a weekly basis of late. I don't know what lead me here to SR but it must be faith because i do feel like i have the support of total strangers and when you feel isolated and alone in life that just makes everything a small bit easier. Oh I wish life were easier.
Darkplace2013 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Darkplace2013 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-21-2013), Hevyn (04-20-2013), raku (04-20-2013), Tammy47 (04-22-2013), trikyriky (04-21-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 06:54 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Learning to live again
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 41,662
Please take it easy on yourself. This is hard work, and we've all been there. No one thinks you're ranting - you're talking about your emotions and fears, which is necessary.

I was the same sort of drinker as you. I drank for all the same reasons. Yet it was never a friend to me - in the end, it took my spirit and all the joy from my life. You are reaching out at a much younger age - you already see where this is taking you. You've acknowledged what many never do - and that's the hardest part in my opinion. I didn't stop until my life was in chaos. Be proud of yourself for seeing what needs to be done and taking action.
Hevyn is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Hevyn For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), Darkplace2013 (04-22-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-21-2013), trikyriky (04-21-2013), TrixMixer (04-21-2013)
Old 04-20-2013, 07:13 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
raku's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsburg, Pa.
Posts: 389
Dark Place....
What do they say ?...if you don't succeed, try, try, try again .......been reading your posts and feeling that I have to get back on the bandwagon again too !....I suffer already from a diagnosed bi-polar issue...add alcohol to the already screwed up metabolism, and it's more than a dark place (ps how 'bout changing your "ID" from "Dark Place" to something like "Illumination" or "Hope's Me"...Everthing helps if you want to actualize your intent.

Cindy
raku is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to raku For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-22-2013)
Old 04-21-2013, 04:11 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 118
I had the most vivid dream/nightmare last night. Involved me drinking and doing really stupid things. It's funny because I actually never remember my dreams but I remember this from start to finish its crazy. Im hoping it's a sign. I've a G.P's appointment tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing what I can get out of that. I do think I could benefit from talking to someone so I shall see if my GP can suggest anything. Don't get me wrong my life is a complete mess but rather than feel self pity I want to lift this dark cloud from over me. I am hoping and praying that my depression is purely alcohol related I think it is personally because always after a binge I feel like crap. I'm anxious and excited at the same time. I really feel like this is my time to change my life for the better and start living it for myself.
Darkplace2013 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Darkplace2013 For This Useful Post:
chicory (04-21-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-21-2013), Hevyn (04-21-2013), trikyriky (04-21-2013)
Old 04-21-2013, 04:23 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
now's the time
 
fantail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,167
I think the dream is a great sign, Darkplace. I never had drinking dreams when I tried to quit before. This time (the only time it's worked) I have them fairly regularly. To me it means that I've really embraced this idea all the way through my mind and so even when I'm unconscious I know that drinking is bad for me.
fantail is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to fantail For This Useful Post:
Darkplace2013 (04-22-2013), EverHopeful721 (04-21-2013), raku (04-21-2013)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:50 AM.