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Hatred and opinions.

Old 04-19-2013, 10:41 AM
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Hatred and opinions.

Since I stopped drinking and started living a positive life, people started picking on me. I can't say anything positive on fb without people having something negative to say about it. People threatening me with violence. Calling me horrible names. I'm not sure what to think about it. These are sober people, people I looked up too for being sober but they're so negative it makes me wonder, what I said that makes them hate me so much?
When I wrote things about drinking or being drunk,people had no negative things to say to me about it. I have no idea what to do other than ignore it.
I just feel so let down lately. Positive energy really gets to people, it gets under their skin and makes them crazy.
When I sobered up people say I think I'm better than everyone now. I'm only trying to be better than I was yesterday not better than you everyday. I wish people understood that. I love myself now, people hate me for it.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:50 AM
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Hey Stash

I don't know about you, but I despise FB. Having 600 "friends", all of them boasting nonstop about the most trivial things and bickering about politics, Jennifer Aniston and the cow on the street. And, yes, a lot of misguided people believe that being online (and not face-to-face) allows them to be rude and malicious. I trimmed down my FB friends to 30, and rarely check in. That's just my experience with that thing.

Anyway, don't allow people to suck out your energy, usually their drama is just a maneuver to get attention. You sound like a very positive person, keep loving yourself and don't let people get to you (yeah, online insults can hurt just as much as F2F ones).

If they're being violent/dangerous/inappropriate, report them and block them. No need to put up with that garbage.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Stash View Post
Since I stopped drinking and started living a positive life, people started picking on me. I can't say anything positive on fb without people having something negative to say about it. People threatening me with violence. Calling me horrible names. I'm not sure what to think about it. These are sober people, people I looked up too for being sober but they're so negative it makes me wonder, what I said that makes them hate me so much?
When I wrote things about drinking or being drunk,people had no negative things to say to me about it. I have no idea what to do other than ignore it.
I just feel so let down lately. Positive energy really gets to people, it gets under their skin and makes them crazy.
When I sobered up people say I think I'm better than everyone now. I'm only trying to be better than I was yesterday not better than you everyday. I wish people understood that. I love myself now, people hate me for it.
You shouldn't let any of this stuff get to you.
It all seems very trivial in the big picture of life.

Facebook sort of feeds on negativity, (I hate mondays, TGIF, so and so said such and such about me) etc etc etc...

I guess there are quite a few inspirational cat posters on there as well... but at the end of the day... its just facebook. Who cares WTF people on there say about you, me, or anyone else.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:03 AM
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I would agree with Matt. Facebook is nothing more than a vanity/gossip hub and really not worth anyone's time. I had a FB account several years ago for my place of employment but i deactivated it about 3 years ago because it's really just a waste of your time. I'd highly recommend just getting out of it and worrying about things that actually matter in your life.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:06 AM
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I think that sobriety frightens others. Some people do not know how to respond to it. I have chosen to not talk about it ( except on here) because I do not like what people say to me about my choice in sobriety. My choice to not drink is my business. A family member told me once that she knew i was going to drink again. A) I dont need to hear that crap B) I will now keep my distance. I dont need to explain myself to anyone.
There is a lot of negative views about recovery and programs. People do not understand and so they form opinions on things without really knowing the positives. Maybe they met a person who was acting all Holier than everyone else and it put a bad taste in their mouth. I choose to remain anonymous even though I do not have a solid AA program. I pick from here and there, and it seems to be working. I just say "I dont drink"
I dont know your situation other than what you have explained. I am sorry that you are going through this. I will read anything positive from you any day. Keep up the good work Stash!
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Mattcake View Post
Hey Stash

I don't know about you, but I despise FB. Having 600 "friends", all of them boasting nonstop about the most trivial things and bickering about politics, Jennifer Aniston and the cow on the street. And, yes, a lot of misguided people believe that being online (and not face-to-face) allows them to be rude and malicious. I trimmed down my FB friends to 30, and rarely check in. That's just my experience with that thing.

Anyway, don't allow people to suck out your energy, usually their drama is just a maneuver to get attention. You sound like a very positive person, keep loving yourself and don't let people get to you (yeah, online insults can hurt just as much as F2F ones).

If they're being violent/dangerous/inappropriate, report them and block them. No need to put up with that garbage.
I proceeded to delete my FB account the other day. I then thought of my friends over Seas and my friends up North. I haven't spent any quality time on that pile of #### in awhile.. It does feed negativity. Also, I dont really care if you are at the store and now your checking into the bank, at the movies, went down the block, in your car......etc. Im heartless!
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:15 AM
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Hi Stash, IMHO, some of the sober people whom you have admired and leaned on in the past may feel that they hold a less important role in your life now that you have attained sobriety. By picking apart your posts on social sites, they are trying to reinforce their role as your mentor, unwittingly sabotaging your newly found confidence. There may even be a bit of jealousy involved; of that you will never know. Just remember, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but opinions are just that, not the truth! I find no response is the best way of dealing with someone who is prompting a defensive reaction from me; it’s a subtle way of indicating that you don’t place much value on their opinion.

Another thing to consider is that many people in early recovery are very sensitive and may overreact to situations or events. This is a common symptom of PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome). The following link is to a thread on the Alcoholism forum which includes much discussion on the subject - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...periences.html

Treat your sobriety as a gift and do everything possible to protect it, even if that means avoiding social networking sites until you are further along in recovery.
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Old 04-19-2013, 11:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno View Post
I think that sobriety frightens others. Some people do not know how to respond to it. I have chosen to not talk about it ( except on here) because I do not like what people say to me about my choice in sobriety. My choice to not drink is my business. A family member told me once that she knew i was going to drink again. A) I dont need to hear that crap B) I will now keep my distance. I dont need to explain myself to anyone.
There is a lot of negative views about recovery and programs. People do not understand and so they form opinions on things without really knowing the positives. Maybe they met a person who was acting all Holier than everyone else and it put a bad taste in their mouth. I choose to remain anonymous even though I do not have a solid AA program. I pick from here and there, and it seems to be working. I just say "I dont drink"
I dont know your situation other than what you have explained. I am sorry that you are going through this. I will read anything positive from you any day. Keep up the good work Stash!
Actually I've met several "holier than thow, born again non-drinkers, and born again non smokers." and it kept me from seeking out help for sobriety for a long time. I was afraid I'd turn into one of them. The type that assume anyone who drinks either is or will become an alcoholic. The type that feel their opinion is more valid than anyone elses because they're recovered. And my personal least favorite, the type that would discredit anything you said after having one beer, because "you've been drinking" therefor you have nothing valid to say.

So its very possible they're afraid you're turning into that person and they are lashing out to try to keep you in that realm of what they're comfortable with.

Its tough to say. I keep my sobriety moderatly private. I've only recently logged on to SR not using the private setting on my browser. Now I don't care if its in my history. Mostly because there is no reason to preach about it anyone other than here. If someone offers me a beer, I decline it, if they ask why, I tell them I'm not in the mood to drink. If they push beyond that, I'll tell them "if I drink that one, I'll want more, and then I'll be up all night drinking, and i've got more important things to do."
If someone offers me a drink, the one thing I don't do, is go on a diatribe about how I'm a recovering alcoholic etc etc etc. They don't care, and I don't care to tell them, and it only leads to an uncomfortable situation where they're wondering if its OK to drink around me, etc... eh, I'm just not in to that. Also I've recently decided that I might start drinking again when I turn 90, so I haven't really quit, I'm just holding off until I can celebrate my 90th birthay, or maybe I'll make it an even 100. Sort of a centenial celebration.
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Old 04-19-2013, 12:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Mizzuno View Post
I proceeded to delete my FB account the other day. I then thought of my friends over Seas and my friends up North. I haven't spent any quality time on that pile of #### in awhile.. It does feed negativity. Also, I dont really care if you are at the store and now your checking into the bank, at the movies, went down the block, in your car......etc. Im heartless!
I don't think you're heartless :p

Why a lot of people (if not MOST people) feel the need to broadcast their every move to the world is beyond me. Not to mention the glib, boasting posts.

My friend's marriage is in complete shambles, yet she keeps posting these Photoshopped, airbrushed pics of her radiant family smiling for the camera, the lighting just right, all of them wearing designer clothes, with their enormous yacht in the background for good measure. Geez. I'm not being judgmental, it's just annoying. IMO FB is aggravating, irritating and a source of constant negativity, unless your friends list is reasonable.

I just keep a few good friends that I actually KNOW, some of whom I've met right here in SR, friends from abroad and back home, and that's about it.

And by the way, FB rule #1 "Your mother is NOT your friend! Neither is your father nor your uncle!" Rule#2 "Your boss IS reading your posts, beware!" Rule#3 "Never keep exes in your friends list, unless you're fond of stalkers!" I've blocked all of these specimens, LOL
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Old 04-19-2013, 01:40 PM
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Lmao matt. I like those rules. I'm thinking I'll remove a lot of people and strictly keep it friends now some family. I need a more private life. SR saves me all the time. Thanks everyone.
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Old 04-19-2013, 04:38 PM
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Good call!
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Old 04-19-2013, 04:42 PM
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I don't do facebook. It was fun once to check up on old high school friends but today I block out all spiritual pollution in my life. Cuz I have a choice today.
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Old 04-19-2013, 05:40 PM
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A lot of reasons why I don't do facebook. Too negative and too easy to be rude and mean. My sisters fight on fb all the time. I want nothing to do with it.
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Old 04-19-2013, 05:43 PM
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I don't do facebook either. Quite frankly I've never understood the appeal of it. People put way too much info on it!
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:04 PM
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They're just jealous.
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Stash View Post
Positive energy really gets to people, it gets under their skin and makes them crazy.
This is not my experience. It could be your experience because of who is in your life. I had a lot of negative people in my life when I was drinking. I wasn't even aware of the level of negativity until I began recovery. When you give out positive energy, you will have positive energy returned to you.

And, stay away from fb.
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:15 PM
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There is a reason why past should be in the past. FB is like digging a corps up, thinking of a living.... too much garbage.

Ignore people like that. The only reason they are saying this is because you are an awesome person to begin with. Now the drinking is gone, its like a ray of sunshine on a clear face when everyone else has warts. However, sorry to tell you is that the abuse will not stop untill they shove you back into the bottle. Delete the losers. Get new friends.
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Old 04-19-2013, 06:17 PM
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Stash... you just gave me an idea! Thank you! Thank you! thank you!
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Old 04-19-2013, 07:18 PM
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Every time I'm on FB there is someone complaining about this or that. Someone is always like, I hate it when people post this or that, I'm like really? Is it that bad...
I mean, can u not just skip the post.
A few people give me crap for my posts cuz they are positive, and I'm like oh really. I know it's terrible that my posts change your life so much, lol...
I think of people's opinion like spaghetti on a wall, they throw it on you so you will catch it, but it doesn't stick, esp. when it's not good. ha ha
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