PhaseOne

Hello everyone,

Feeling a little restless tonight. Just wanted to write down some thoughts in a post.

On April 4th, I woke up to the worse pain I've ever experienced in my life. I did everything I could to fight it, took showers, even took a couple of shots to try to calm it down, but nothing worked. This had occurred after I had lost my job on a Friday the week before. So I went hard on the drinking from Saturday night until Wednesday night. Very little breaks in between. I basically drank, slept it off, woke up and drank again. Finished bottles and bottles of hard liquor, made a few trips to the liquor store to restock, all to escape what was going on in my life, and what I've been dealing with for the past 9 years or so.

I started drinking socially when I was 21. I am now 30 years old, and I drink about a bottle of vodka or whiskey a night. I have no idea how I got here, or how I even functioned, kept my job, even had any type of life with the amount I drank. I didn't even drink during the day. I basically got home from work, and drank from about 7pm until 10pm, and would kill a bottle that quickly. Go to sleep, wake up at 830am the next day, go to work, come home, and repeat. I have no idea how I didn't experience what I did on April 4th sooner.

I went to the ER after hours of dealing with excruciating pain. And after waiting 2 hours, which seemed like eternity, and throwing up multiple times. I finally got diagnosed. Long story short, it turns out I developed alcoholic pancreatitis. I was immediately admitted to the hospital. I was doped up on all types of pain killers to deal with the pain I was experiencing. I was told I should be out of the hospital within 2-4 days. Well, 14 days later, I am still here.

I was put on NPO (which is no eating or drinking anything by mouth) and put on IV's for nutrition and hydration. I didn't eat anything until today, my 14th day here. I don't even remember the first week of me being in the hospital. Luckily, I have very close siblings who took care of my insurance issues, and also getting me the appropriate help. I will be getting released tomorrow. I am hoping to get accepted into an inpatient program after talking with a few people at the hospital and making them understand the severity of my drinking.

Here I am, 14 days without any booze in my system. I've had several conversations with my family members, my friends, and all the wonder people I somehow still have in my life after all this time. It's amazing how much you don't realize is around you when the only thing you think about is when that next drink is going to enter your body.

Tomorrow is going to be my first day back in the real world, stone cold sober. I'm terrified. I know I can't drink, but there's always this voice in the back of my head that tells me, "oh, you been sober for this long, what's one night going to do?" I am going to stay with my sister until I figure out my rehab situation. Hopefully being around someone positive will keep me from falling off the path I'm on.

I'm extremely lucky to have the family and friends I have. I am also extremely lucky that I was able to get treated the way I have been, and that I had such a wonderful care system in place where I live to get me back on my feet with almost no damage what so ever. I just need to take this as a blessing, and keep on moving forward. I know there are much less fortunate people out there with the issues I have that can't get the help I have been given.

So day 15 is really my day 1 in many aspects. It's the first day back to reality.

Thanks for listening SR. I hope I stay sober this time, for myself, and for the people around me who have never given up on me.

Dee74

I'm really sorry you had to go through that Phase One, but I'm glad you're back
best of luck with getting into the inpatient programme quickly.

D

Garden Girl

Hey, I am thirty as well land just reached 9 months. I will be 1 year sober a month and a half after my 31st birthday. My story is similar to yours, and the good news? You have a support system that loves you! (Including us here on SR ) You can get through this, some days will be hard, and some very rewarding, just remind yourself how amazing you are every morning! And posting and/ or reading on SR has been a lifesaver for me. Good luck on your journey!

Heartfan82

Wow, that was powerful. Thanks for sharing.

I'm glad you have a wonderful family to help you out. You have a chance now to face a whole new, different future.

I feel scared, too, facing life as a non-drinker, but at the same time excited, and my body is feeling so much better. I'm only 27 days in, but I've done it before for a year, so I know it gets better.

Good luck to you! Please keep posting here, we wish you healing and strength to fight this.

venuscat

You sound like you have come through this experience with a really positive attitude PhaseOne. I'm so glad that you are OK physically; kind of a miracle huh?

So now you are on the sober path, and you have your wonderful family and your friends at SR to support you. And rehab will be really good I think. More support, more tools to help you with your recovery.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, so glad you are here. We are all just staying sober one day at a time...we can do this together.

Love Venus xx

ClearLight

Good luck!
You've been given a second chance.

Something to consider: While you're waiting to see about rehab you might consider AA or some other kind of support groups.
You can go to AA meetings and not say a word - just listen. Yu can leave right when it's over.
No one will bother you.
Sometimes it's good just to see other people that are going for sobriety too.

fantail

Great job getting through what sounds like a really terrifying situation!

I seriously wanted to quit for about two years before I did, and was actively trying and failing for the year before. Going to the hospital was actually what finally did it for me... luckily mine was just a brief ER visit for gastritis, because I don't have insurance, so I'd be paying off a longer stay for years!

Anyway prior to that I had that exact same problem... I'd quit for a week and then be like, great job, self! No harm drinking now, seven whole days of healing will have given me a chance to recover a bit!

But while I was trying/failing to quit, there were so many days where I was just desperate... really wanted to stop, but had something to do or something to accomplish and the withdrawal would be so bad that I would have to take a drink just to get through the day. And then of course I'd keep drinking. There were so many days when I would just cry and wish that there were a way that I could go to the hospital and get help with my withdrawal, get an IV to help me be a little less dehydrated, get some vitamins into my system.

Once I got that I knew I had a serious leg up and if I messed it up, I'd have to start all over without that benefit.

Anyway that's just what helped me. Great job on going to rehab and congratulations on two weeks!!

least

I'm glad you're starting over on a better path. I hope you can get into a program to help you stay sober.

PhaseOne

Thank you all for your support. I have been blessed with a second chance at life. Today is day 2 being out of the hospital. I feel pretty good about everything thus far. Everyone has been extremely supportive and loving since I've come back home. It's been very emotional. I've hidden so many emotions, lied about so many things, I just hope I can find the strength and courage to overcome it all. I can't help but feel completely embarrassed as to how I got here, but I guess that's the first step. Owning up to many of the things that I've done or lied about when I was drunk makes me feel like I've lost my pride. But I'm starting to realize that my pride was all a lie anyway, if that makes any sense.

Thanks for listening SR...