Pains Me to Say it but Day 1 Again...
 

So I had a great sober run. Then two months ago I decided on my birthday that I had this thing licked and could have a couple. Wrong! I've had more than a couple daily since then. I took the walk of shame back into a meeting today. I hope to be a lifer this time.

Anyone who fell off the horse after several months have some advice on starting over? Clearly I'm convinced that as an alcoholic I can't have a couple ever again.

Thank you for posting this... I find myself thinking that I should be able to drink on special occasions. It's really helpful for me to hear stories like this because I know the same could happen to me if I try.

Great job coming back and getting back on the wagon!

I relapsed after six months once. (my last relapse) CarolD used to say "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink". She was right. Once I took drinking off the option table I was able to stay sober. Over three years now.:)

So sorry for your slip/relapse whatever term makes sense for you, but you know what to do and you are doing it. Going to the meeting was a good first step...

And don't let anyone make you feel like your previous sober time didn't matter. It does. With each sober day we don't have a drunk day and I count them all as wins. Just dust yourself off and start again - so many have walked in your shoes and there is no shame in it. We drink because we are alcoholics. We don't drink because we don't want to be. Easier said than done...welcome back :)

Yes, some advice and I too want thank you for posting. The advice that I would give you is the same I give myself. I cannot have a drink, period. I have gone months, even years in the past and have told myself "this time it will be different". I see how other people can have a drink or two and walk away. I have never done that and know in my heart that I never will. Too bad So sad. It is what it is. All one can do if they are like me is to keep trying to not take that first drink. I'm about to hit 7 months in two days, this after a year of sobriety before I tried to drink like a "normal person" late last summer. Took about three weeks to be drinking all I could get my hands on.
Just don't do it. I just cannot have that one or I'm off to the races.
Hope this might help you out. It helps me to refresh /reinforce my own plan.

If it's apparent you can't, equate it to something nasty. "I pissed me pants" nasty. "In public" nasty.

What I always tell myself when I think "Gee, I could have just one" is... you are lying to yourself and you know it. You NEVER want just one. You want to be drunk. Just one or two is more stressful than not having any because just one or two means I want three (or four, or five, or six!)!

When you think about how miserable it is just having one or two drinks, it's easier to just not have any

Actually got some good advice from a good friend who is also recovering. He told me to give myself permission to stay sober and never to drink. If I can relapse by giving myself permission to drink I damn well can keep myself sober the same way. Makes sense in my small mind.

Thanks for all of the great support here.

Isinganyway, I think the drunk/alcoholic always wants just a couple of drinks. Don't we all just want to control ourselves like "normal" people? I think the real challenge is accepting that we can't.

The important thing is you are here posting and you are trying again.

I can control myself just fine Bob.
All I need to do is not take that first drink :)

D

It sounds like you learned something, so you're definitely not starting over.

The last and only time I was almost ninety days sober was in 2008. I went to a huge function with a lot of alcohol, and I couldn't cope. Instead of leaving, I went to the bar. And then I kept going back...

Five years later, I can't believe I'm still alive. And I can't believe I'm sober. 75 days. Like Dee said, I can control myself, I finally learned how. No matter what, under any circumstances, can I pick up that first drink.

We just need to remember that every day. Sometimes the lessons we have to learn to get to this point are excruciatingly painful, but the pain teaches us. The truth is simple.

Glad you got to the meeting, glad you are here :)

Love and best wishes,

Venus xx

I definately agree with this. You have 2 months sober and no one can take those away from you. You can do it again.

I to glad you posted this as my AV trying to tell me it will be ok again.

We just have to accept we're powerless over it.

It is truly cunning and baffling.

Glad your bk

AA and other sources for help reveal many ways to not get on the old greasy slide to ....
We must be honest with OURSELVES and IT IS the FIRST drink that gets us drunk. When we keep coming, even when we don't want to, we start to learn and practice other solutions.
BE WELL

Thank you for sharing your story and struggle. I am in the same boat as you, however have not been able to get back to a meeting yet. It is really inspirational to read about your desire to start over and what you have learned from your relapse.

Best wishes and stay strong