Confused
 

I am new here. My husband started drinking when he was 15 yrs old. He is now 46 and has been sober for 6 yrs. initially he attended AA mtgs regularly & was doing relatively well. He suffered a job loss 3yrs ago and he is still sober but it seems he has just given up. He took another job for much less pay and complained ALL the time. He has a very direct way of speaking to people and this got him fired from the second job. I tied to gently let him know his tone can easily be taken the wrong way and after 11 yrs of marriage you would think i would be immuned but even i am offended by his tone at times. He took the job losses very hard as did i. I have made excuses for him since day one . After the second job loss he really put forth NO effort to find another job. A friend hooked him up with pretty good job and he totally freaked out after working at the job for a week. Both his previous jobs were day jobs very very few wk ends and i think he wasnt overwhelmed by the job i think he wants everything to be like it was when he had the first job he loved. But thats not going to happen. He has totally gotten out of his trade. His attitude sucks. He hates his current job. I never attended al anon because i felt my religious faith was strong and i could handle the recovery ups and down. So here i am 6 yrs later with a lot of resentment toward him. I have not said anything to him because i dont feel like i could talk to him without it becoming an argument. I hav found a list of mtgs and plan on attending. I try to make sure i am asleep when he comes home at nite so i dont hav to hear how bad his shift was. I feel ready to bail. His behavior seems so childish. I dont know if anyone else is going thru anything like this but i could use some guidance

I am sorry you are going through this, you are right, it seems (based upon your explanation) that his attitude in general is affecting his happiness and ability to find a sense of harmony. There really isn't anything that you can do to change him, change has to come from within. I think your idea of attending meetings where you can get support for yourself is the step in the right direction. You will also find much support and shared experiences of SR members experiencing similar experiences with family or loved ones on the Friends and Family forum - http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/

Best wishes to you and I hope that you find your path to happiness!

Hi and welcome woody :)

I'm sorry for your situation, but I know you'll find a lot of support here.
Do check out the link Odelle posted too :)

D

Welcome to the family! I'm sorry for the situation that brought you here but glad you found us. I would recommend AlAnon meetings as support for you. Take care of yourself please. :hug:

i went online and found several al anon mtgs in my area. i will have to say i am a little freaked out about going but i think if i don't get some support i feel like i will grow to hate him and that's not what i want. he loves me greatly and i know that. should i gently keep suggesting he go back to his aa mtgs or just leave him alone and let him make that decision himself

Leave him alone. He will recover if and when he wants to. Sadly that is the situation.

Do take care of yourself and go to AlAnon and look after you.

Thank you Anna....:)

Woody, there is a TON of info on this forum, and I hope you are able to take a little time each day and read some of it. I'm a newcomer also and I have found so much help here. Granted, it's not always what I would LIKE to hear, but it is all heartfelt and caring. I hope you are able to make use of it.

There are also stickied sections that contain all kinds of resources, suggestions for books to read, particular threads that are especially helpful, and so on.

Wishing you all the best as you work towards peace and clarity!

thank you honeypig:) i plan to take some time tonite and look around on the site more;)

Hm ok. Im going to sound like a total jork right now so feel free to kick me but im going to argue for your husband side....
1. We all have bad years and bad jobs and bad coworkers (folks know me here as I complain about job, my cowerkers, buliing, sexual harasment, etc.) Everyone here listens, a lot of folks here given exellent advice on how to deal with it and trust me I have not dove for the bottom of the bottle since last week! Why? Because these guys here helping me! Because I have noone else outside. I do not have a husband to come home and complain to. Dont have a boyfriend to give a hug to or just hold me when I want to just kick someones @s. If he complains to you about the job is because HE HAS YOU! And the reason he is not in the bottle because of YOU! I know his mood totally rotttens your day or your mood but you are his only.
2. Is there something he likes to do for fun? A hobby? A hike? A drive ... pack him and get going. Lending someone your ear when sht hits the fan especially your husband. Why not? Bad stuff eventually will end. My question is if your roles were reversed would he stick around?