new, hopeful, nervous, anxious
 

Hi everyone. I'm a 29 year old man who is in sales. I'm an only child and always been a 'thrill-seeker'. Always looking for that rush, that high. I started using weed around the age of 16 and booze around 18. I didn't like booze at first, but the summer I turned 21 I spent the entire time in bars. I've battled with booze for eight years and I drink every night. I want to quit as it impacts my relationships with my girlfriends, friends, and family. I don't want to lose them for something stupid and preventable. I also have been abusing pain killers and I have been taking 50-120 mg of Vicodin per day for the past couple months. I'd like to cease all activity and focus on myself, I'm just afraid I don't have the will power to better my life. I feel like I'm lazy and incapable of getting my @$$ off the couch and doing something to better myself. I'm also nervous about finding hobbies. For a decade it's always been a formula: beers, pills, rage. I am nervous I can't go on with my evening hobbies without getting tanked first. At first I used booze as a social anxiety reliever, but I began to depend on it as time went on. I don't need it when I wake up in the morning, but if I'm having a bad day or I'm off work, I'm all over the booze. I know that I CAN do it, but it's just a matter of willpower, which I feel I have none. I considered asking for Antabuse just so I knew that if I drank, I'd be totally screwed- meaning I'd rather have that to lean on then my own willpower. I just don't want to ruin relationships because of my embarrassing dumbass behavior. Can anyone help me? Can I help myself?

Have you talked to your doctor honestly about your using and drinking? You may need a medical detox for your safety.

Addictions can last for many decades if you don't respond in your own best interests. You can end up with short term pleasure/long term pain and really need to get to the root cause. I believe pain killers can be extremely addictive so maybe you should seek good medical advice in that area.
Antabuse makes you violently ill after drinking;I don't see that as getting to the root cause.
I have recently returned to AA and am travelling pretty well. It is very reinforcing, emotive, and the people seem pretty genuine. Perhaps you could give that a try. Stopping of your own volition especially while mixing with social drinkers can be very difficult. IMO a good many 'social drinkers" so called, are very close to alcoholism.

I'm not addicted to the pills physically. I've put them down for weeks at a time before, it's just the mental aspect. It relaxes me, I'm able to talk, no anxiety. It's like a clearer version of me. Not that I'd know who I even am anymore, because I've been using and drinking for so long.

I agree that you can do it. Get rid of the alcohol in your home. Don't buy anymore alcohol. Drive home from work a different way if your routine is to stop for alcohol. Do whatever it takes to get through the day. Believe that you are worth it!

that was then. you may be more "addicted" to them now than before is what I am saying. If it's not a problem, then stop and find a method of recovery to use to maintain your sobriety.

AA
Rational Recovery
AVRT
SMART
SOS
Life Ring
Power to Quit
Women for Sobriety (for the women who read this)

All have their own website. Pick one and work it into your sober life!

If you can get into an impatient rehab go for it, That's what I had to do just in order to get away from my so called life for bit and reevaluate life. If not try AA or some other type of support group and go to a doctor and have safe detox. Good luck man and being sober will be the best thing you ever do.

Oddly enough I'm not having an issue with the liquor. I just decided to put it down and it's been six days. I know my journey is far from over and there will be many challenges that present themselves. I need to stay strong and remember the pain I've caused others and myself in order to prevent making the same mistakes over and over again. I am quite on edge however with the pain meds, but I've turned down chances to get them. It's been about 30 hours since my last use and I am hanging in there, if only by a thread. Does anyone have advice in regards to easing the withdrawals? I realize these things are mostly psychological anyhow so I'm again reminding myself of the pain I caused others through my actions, and that seems to work for now. Nervous and intimidated by some of the detox horror stories I've heard through the web. Praying it won't be so hard for me.

If you experience anything scary please get medical help immediately.:hug: I can't tell you how to ease your withdrawals other than suggesting you see your doctor for help in getting off them safely and easily.