Goat

i've been going to aa meetings for 10 years now.

i've never submitted, never turned my will over.

partially it's my own fault. i just never committed fully. i want a sponsor but the aa meetings near me are all about the god of abraham.

last night i hit my bottom

i want this, i want a sponsor, i dunno what to do. i have tried to be an xtian, but it doesn't work. i'm not a xtian

.i'm sitting outside ths meeting,. i know they won't accept me. i have been kicked out of so many meetings, but i need this... can they understand that just because i'm not a xtian doesn't make me inhuman

i will try again tomorrow.

sugarbear1

doesn't sound like an AA meeting to me

Received

Doesn't sound like an AA meeting to me either and I went to meetings for 8 years before I found a different way.

Took me a minute to figure out what xtian was. All I could think of was Xenu.

Anyway, yeah, I may not be an AA proponent but I've been to at least a couple of thousand meetings over the years and many, many different groups. I never ran into this problem.

Dee74

It's good to see you again Goat, but I'm sorry you're struggling.

I'd look at it this way. You're in trouble.
You need help.

I assume you've looked for other help - SMART, AVRT, LifeRing, SOS, rehab?

If AA is the only game in town, play it - get yourself sober, put yourself back together - then you can make decisions about what to do next.

D

Anna

I hope you do whatever it takes to stop drinking and recover.

And, remember there is always support here at SR.

yeahgr8

Wtf is a xtian? Ah Christian i see!

Well i work in an office in ******* at the moment on a short term 3 month contract and i can't stand it. I do the job because it pays good money and means i can save up in those few months a good sum of money to do fun things with and save for my future.

I am the only contractor there and i work with permanent staff. I have always had the attitude that permanent staff do not know what they are doing which is why they get paid so little compared to contractors. They seem opinionated and full of crap most of the time. Fortunately the only permanent staff i have to deal with and acknowledge are my boss and another Manager. I don't really like the other manager but need him because he knows more about the company etc than me and my boss directs me to what he knows the company will want me to look at.

My work is an analogy, i would never have worked the steps unless i had been desperate and there had been a pay off.

Anyways i used to jump from job to job finding fault with them all and always looking for the quick and easy route, same with relationships, hobbies etcetc.

That was so boring to write hope you got something out of it:-)

Happier

Funny...I was just thinking of you like yesterday. You were the first person here that I corresponded with on a thread. That was several years ago. Something about biking or shoveling snow or something. It doesn't matter. The point is that you made me feel welcome and that helped me. Let those people in the meeting help you and make you feel welcome. I happen to be a xtian and all I can say is that you are always welcome here and that you are valuable and you helped me on this journey we share.
Really glad to see you on here again. Hope you do whatever it takes to find the peace and healthy future that you seek.

wiscsober

Maybe start or redouble your efforts in staying sober by helping another alcoholic achieve sobriety. That's the crux of the program -- not what are our religious or spiritual beliefs.

Most drunks I've 12 stepped don't give a damn talking about God.

Volunteer for some service work or even start your own meeting/group.

Hevyn

I remember you too, Goat. I agree, whatever it takes to get yourself on track please do it. Posting here seemed to help before, I hope you'll give it another try - maybe you're ready this time.

FlyerFan

You don't have to be an "xtian" to be in AA. And as far as them kicking you out have they done this before? If so then I dont think thats a good meeting to be going back to. Try some others, or like someone above mentioned maybe sample some other recovery programs.

RobbyRobot

Hey Goat,

Good to see you posting, sorry about your troubles. You know, I started and completed the AA program as an agnostic. Later on, for different reasons, I became a Christian. You absolutely can fit into AA no matter your spiritual beliefs or lack of spiritual beliefs.

AA is about the program. If you want to do the program, and have a sponsor, you can of course do so. I've been successful with AA for decades and there is room for anyone who so chooses to have AA.

I have no doubts some members have treated you badly, it happens, more then some people want to admit even. Still though, quitting drinking, and getting on with a sober lifestyle is the best way forward, even though life isn't always fair we still must not give up on our dreams.

I hope you have a better day today, Goat.

aasharon90

Going to a meeting and someone is rudely
acting up or disturbing others would be cause
to ask to leave. I go to meetings to get what
I need to help me stay sober each day. It's
an hour of my time to take full advantage of
hearing, learning and absorbing tools and
knowledge of how others are staying sober
each day.

I went to a many meetings scared, full of
anxiety, but, I went with the intent of going
to any lengths to stay sober and that meant
to walk in, grab some coffee, find a seat, leave
the world outside and all its distractions and
listen, concentrate all to the best of my ability
till what I heard eventually stuck in my heart,
mind and soul.

Sobriety/recovery is mine for the taking. And
I want it and I need it every day of my sober
breathing life.

Today, I am still on my recovery journey
passing on my own ESH - experiences, strengths
and hopes of what my life was like before, during
and after my drinking career. Today, Im happier,
healthier, honest member in recovery enjoying
the gifts of the promises just by living a sober
life.

So can you.

Louise82

Hi Goat,

Thanks for being so honest in your post.

I agree with the others who said that those don't sound like AA meetings. AA is not a religious organization, let alone a Christian one. There is no way you have to be a Christian to be in AA. As you of course know, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It sounds like you've been meeting that requirement all along, regardless of whether or not you've surrendered your will or fully committed to the fellowship & program yet.

So, yes, if anyone in AA has been pressuring you into becoming a Christian, refer them to tradition 6 Twelve Traditions - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia and politely remind them that AA doesn't endorse any religions.

They might also benefit from rereading chapter 4 of the Big Book, or even just looking at the title: it says "We Agnostics", not "We Christians".

But you should always put your recovery first, of course. It's not your responsibility to teach people about their own dang recovery program.

Mizzuno

Welcome back. Take what you want from AA and leave the rest. Post on here, this fellowship is amazing. A little of this and that could do wonders. Keep posting.

Goat

You guys are the absolute best. I cried when I read all your responses.

so... i really should have gone in to that meeting. Instead of going in I put my truck in the ditch and now I'm facing 20 days in jail.

I'd already hit my bottom... i'm not sure I needed this on top of it. But it is what it is. I'm looking for more meetings today.

Happier

Thanks for letting us know. Glad you werent injured. Hope you find the meeting that fits you. Never give up. There is always hope.

least

Why were you kicked out of meetings? If it was because you were a disturbance, I can understand it but if it's just cause you're not Christian then that's a poor excuse for an AA meeting.

Goat

I don't think I'm a disturbance. I usually keep my beliefs under my hat.

Here's an example. At a closed meeting there was a preacher who was NOT an alcoholic. I told him it was not appropriate for him to be there. The rest of the folks in the meeting told me that I should not come back.

It's because I'm in Ohio. Meetings were great when I lived in Virginia, but out here i'm really not welcome.

Goat

I guess "kicked out" is a bit too strong. "Removal of support" is maybe a better way to say it.

Usually what happens is I forget to keep my mouth shut about my higher power and the next thing I know I feel like I'm at the Salem witch trials

But that's not really what's important about this. I need the fellowship in the meetings. I need a sponsor. I need to keep going. Eventually I will find a sponsor who gets me. That's what I need.

Goat

Being sober sucks. I don't feel any good at all. Actually I'm not even quite sure I'm all the way sober. I'm pretty dizzy.

My stepdaughter hid my wine. She hid it really well. I will thank her when I feel better. Right now I would have absolutely nothing stopping me from drinking it if I found it.

Meeting tonight at 7:30. I'm going.

I had a chat with the kids today. I told them I have a problem and I am going to do whatever I need to to fix it.

I had convinced myself that I had "come out the other side" of alcoholism. I thought I was drinking successfully because I was limiting myself to two bottles of wine per day.

Well, I didn't limit myself to two yesterday.

Monday I drank Wild Irish Rose. Ever had that stuff? It's vile. I remember the first drink and nothing after that. The day just disappeared.

Yesterday I sat outside an AA meeting and drank three bottles of wine.

I should have been in there.