manineedhelp

Hello to everyone and thank you in advance for your time. This is the first time I have posted so please excuse any mistakes.

I have made the decision to turn myself in, so to speak, at St. Jude detox and rehab this Thursday. I realize this website is mostly for people who are already sober, but I have gained strength from all of you.

I had lower lumbar fusion surgery about 12 years ago. I had no idea the impact the whole thing would have on my life. My occupation at the time of the surgery was a National Sales Manager at a fiber optics, communication, and military defense contractor. I had a wife with two beautiful daughters, a beautiful home near Atlanta and an apartment in Newport Rhode Island. I traveled three weeks out of the month to sustain this status and loved my job. I know this is personal info, but I'm pouring my heart out here and want you fellow addicts to know I'm for real.

I lost my job first, then my family thru divorce, my car, and my friends. I write this because I have a ton to make up for and regret facing my feelings again. Frankly, I don't know if I can. I ended up living with my Mother, who is also addicted to pain pills. This enabled me to abuse my prescriptions and take hers when I ran out. Yeah, I am that bad!! After four years here, this is the worst place I could ever be and have no where else to go?

My younger brother is a recovering alcoholic and drank himself almost to death. He was sent here from the hospital on hospice to die. My Father has Dementia and is in a Nursing home. Basically it sucks to be me, but there has got to be a better way.

I hope this time I will find the help I need. I know I need to keep an open mind and deal with state facilities, and I am ready for a change. I share the larger issues I have because I feel like they may have something to do with me being an addict. Who knows? I sincerely appreciate anyone who reads this and I envy the people who have found sobriety. I read the posts with stories of being sober and I daydream. I doubt I can keep my laptop in detox or rehab, but I will be back to talk to you again. And please know I realize this reads like a man full of self pity and I promise to work on that too.

Regards,

Manineedhelp

Dib42

Thank you for joining us!

I don't think this website is mostly for people who are already sober, I think its mostly for people who recognize they have a problem, some are practising addicts, some are recovering.... Its a community of people from all walks of life in all stages of addictions and isms... its an excellent resource. So you'll fit in just fine here... Keep posting, keep reading, and you'll find your path to recovery.

shockozulu

Congratulations on making such a hard decision. This website is for those seeking recovery. That sounds to me like it describes you

Dib42

You have plenty of places to go, and they're all better than where you're at now. No you probably won't get your wife back, your car, your job, many of your friends. But that isn't the end of your life. The addict in you lost those things, the sober you can rebuild.

As far as facing your regrets... I wouldn't even worry about that right now. There will always be time for that, but right now isn't that time... get yourself sober at all costs... its all about you right now

Coldfusion

Thank you for joining our family.

CaiHong

Welcome Manineedhelp,

this is the right place to come if you want to recover from addiction and get your life back.

I am coming up to 2 years sober in May thanks to the support of both SR & AA.

You now have the opportunity to get well, take full advantage of it.

You can do this.

All the very best
CaiHong

Djfordz

Those things are tough to beat. I'm doing it too. Make it through the first week is the hardest. I am starting my second week today. You can do it. I know I just started too but honestly, when you make the choice your halfway there. Cheers mate. Also read stilltrecking's post he just posted. He's at day 30 and he breaks it down for you. I find it to be spot on so far.

wiscsober

There is no need for apologies you are exactly where you need to be. Please post more. You help me and others. You are on the same level as me despite time clean and sober. You have a lot on your plate, so for right now just focus on your recovery. Trust me -- if you stay sober, rely on a higher power, clean house, and help other people to achieve sobriety your life will be vastly different than it is now. First things first: yourself. Really you need to get physically stable. You are doing well.

Sasha4

Its nice having you here.
I am sorry for all that has happened to you.

I wish you all the best for thursday and I hope you can reclaim your life back.

Come here often and post.
We care and we understand xx

visch1

Welcome. The problem, after knowing we have a problem is action. But many want it all and we really can’t handle it so it’s best we mentally slow down and do an analysis of our selves. I’m not talking the fourth step YET. As said by many alcohol/drugs really is not the problem for most of us. Alcohol is like the tip of the iceberg with the below the surface ice the problems. Besides the physical cravings that developed there were the reasons, usually hidden from view. Control/acknowledge/work on them and things will improve so much our lives do get so much better. For instance I found out that fear is my enemy which resulted in anger, control, low self esteem, insecurity etc. BE WELL.

manineedhelp

I really appreciate the support. I'm scared out of my pants right now cause I have been to a seven day detox twice and it didn't work. I think mainly cause I came right back home and surrounded myself with pills again and people willing to make sure I had some. Anyway, thank you alot!

manineedhelp

Thanks for the understanding. You people have been great so far and I sincerely appreciate it. It's almost like I instantly have friends on here and someone to talk to.

sugarbear1

Welcome to the family!

I got through those situations, so can you!!

Dee74

welcome manineedhelp

lots of help and support here - glad you've joined us
D

least

This site is for people wanting to get clean and sober. Lots of us have done just that and we are here to share our experience and hope with those just starting out.

bemyself

All my best wishes to you too, manineed...

And like 'least' said - this site's for those 'just starting out' to which I'd add: and for those who have tried before, more than once!

So sorry to hear of all that you've lost: those are BIG losses. I for one wouldn't snort at them or try to minimise them. But know that many people here whom you haven't even met, are cheering you on.