Pedro1234

I have only been posting really positive thoughts (which seems to work for me) but i thought today i would post my honest perspective.
After today i have competed 9 days without a drink! I am into double figures tomorrow. My side effects are fading a little more each day and i can literally feel my body and brain improving. After 30 years of drinking i know there is irreparable damage and i now worry how much, where as before all i cared about was the next drink.
The cravings are persistent, relentless and really strong and i find i have to keep really busy in order to pass the time without stressing out. I get deep depression and anxiety which i guess will also ease with time. I am finding it hard to get to sleep but once asleep i am getting quality sleep.
I am scared of the road ahead (terrified actually). I have never lived this life before and i fear no one will even know who i am. Most of my friends, work colleagues and family all lead a life in various degrees that i have now left behind.
I spend a lot of time reading stories on this site and it gives me great encouragement. I have been exercising and that seems to release good endorphin's within my body to counteract the depression and anxiety somewhat. I am determined to stay sober
Thanks for reading my update.

Michael66

It seems that even good change is scary as we are faced with a life that is unfamiliar to us, and we have new uncertainties to face. With time though your new sober life will become the familiar life, and a much healthier one than you (and most of us here) previously had. I guess we were all used to a life where we numbed ourselves, so it's a big change to walk away from that. Hang in there! I now wouldn't change my sober life for anything.

Kasia71

Congrats Pedro on achieving double digits tomorrow! I'm only on day 2 and it's certainly not easy....don't feel so great. I agree that the road ahead is terrifying, and my friends are all the same as yours...don't know yet how I plan to work through that situation.

soberclover

I think it is wonderful that you are both on the journey of recovery! It is scary at times but it is also peaceful. It is peaceful for me because I am finally not causing any more harm to myself as well as to those I care about. I, too, am not sure what the long-term consequences of my drinking and drug use has done to my body, but at least I am not doing further damage. Keep on posting and don't be afraid to ask questions or seek support...this has been a wonderful place for me!

Pedro1234

I hope you are not suffering too much with the detox and that it passes quickly for you I too don't know how to tackle the friends situation yet and guess i will just take it as it comes. To start i think i will say that i am on a fitness campaign to buy some time and then go from there.
Good luck and stay strong

Pedro1234

Michael- I have never thought about drinking like you explain. NUMBED is the perfect word for it! When you become sober feelings that were NUMBED start to return and that is the most amazing thing i have found particularly in the last couple of days. I now find it sad that i have NUMBED 30 of my 45 years on this amazing planet.

Vastreaction

Totally works! I have a close circle of friends that DON'T drink, but when I find myself with people that DO, I use the fitness line. "Turns out I have high blood pressure, I'm trying the natural route before I resort to medication."

Hook, line, sinker.

If anyone needs specifics, it's called the DASH diet, and it's supported by the US Government. If you ever get backed into a corner, just DASH the fu** out of it, and never look back.
DASH diet: Healthy eating to lower your blood pressure - MayoClinic.com

Good luck on your road to recovery.

Pedro1234

Thanks

Vastreaction

I didn't even see you were from Australia. I'm sure there must be a similar program, or at least the idea will click. Anyways, I hope it works out for ya!

Kasia71

Last night was initially brutal, luckily I made a friend here already that kept me company last night, took my mind off of it.

That is a great idea...going the fitness route, and honestly, it's partially true. I signed up for a 5K in June. I've wanted to get into better shape for what, 15 years or so, but I either throw my healthy eating out the window at midnight when I'm drunk and hungry, or I choose to not work out often cause I feel like sh**. Oh, and there's that feeling when you're completely hungover that you need something substantial...big breakfast, to feel better. Maybe without the alcohol in my life I can set goals and follow through with them for once. I never have been good at that in the passed, I don't know what it's like to achieve anything cause I talk myself out of working at something positive when the booze starts calling my name.

Hevyn

I loved your post, Pedro. That's just how I felt in the early days. You'll go through many phases as you heal and face the world without being in a fog. It is hard in the beginning, but a wonderful awakening and rebirth will take place as you travel the road.

I drank for decades, too. I couldn't imagine my life without my 'buffer'. It's a shame I looked at it that way - I ruined so many wonderful things by being semi-comatose. Initially I started drinking because of shyness - it seemed to help, but it just masked my problems and kept me from growing the way I might have. I can't believe I once thought it enhanced my life. We are free now, though. I'm glad you're being helped by being here - not being alone made all the difference to me. Proud of you on your 10th day.

Grymt

It has surprised me (greatly!) that a significant amount of what I thought of as irreversible brain damage and had come to terms with has turned out not to be so. This realisation has come about during a period of rest and introspection but for me an increased focus on what participation on this forum demands of me if I'm to think of myself as honest has made me realise that what was lost can be found. Some reading on things like how a brain rewires and how little lasting significant brain damage is possible has changed the worry that turned into acceptance to an enthusiasm and other things summed up by a sense of peace. I didn't believe it was possible but it is.
Youth truly is wasted on the young. (jk)

Kasia71

You're not kidding? haha You know it's the truth...if I could do it over with what I know now...wow...my life would be so much better.

Hevyn

I agree with you Grymt. Amazingly, I have no ill effects from a 30 yr. dance with it.

Pedro1234

Kasia i hope you follow your desires and start to get fit and healthy. Aim for that 5k run or even walk it if it gives you a sense of satisfaction. Then run the next one. I hope you are feeling better today

Pedro1234

The body and brain are amazingly resilient! Its just a reminder at this time that we should all look after ourselves better. Unfortunately whilst drinking we tend to forget or neglect to care. Thanks everyone for your ongoing support. Keep going Kasia you are doing really well

Kasia71

Ugh..thanks Pedro. Not my favorite time of day (6pm). Hangin in there though! Thanks for your support, too.

Pedro1234

I am feeling your pain. I never want to go through that first week again. It will get easier and when it does you will feel a sense of achievement and also much better health wise. Keep at it. Keep busy. Keep posting if it helps. You are really doing this and you are doing fantastic