Journey40

So I was doing so good for a couple weeks. But last Saturday my husband asked me to pick up some beer at the store on my way home. I thought of every excuse in the book to tell him I couldn't get it because it doesn't seem to matter to him if I'm sober or maybe he doesn't understand that it's hard for when he drinks infront of me. So instead of telling him "no" I went ahead and bought his six pack and a bottle of red for myself.
We drank together, and since all I had for dinner was a salad and hadn't had anything to drink for a while, had a pretty good buzz after a glass. I was able to stop there surprisingly, but everyday is such a struggle. Today was hard too, but been doing good since Saturday. So I'm back to day number 2. :-(

fantail

Have you had a conversation with your husband about your drinking, your plans to stop, and what that means to you?

Mizzuno

Good to know that you are back on track. I agree with Fantail. Have you spoken with your husband about your sobriety plans and how important this is to you? Keep up the good work. Your on your way!

Dib42

Similar thing happened to me. I had picked up wine a few times for my wife. (I dislike cheap wine, and I'm too cheap for good wine) I was fine a few times, but then one of the trips I picked myself up a bottle of whiskey (cheap whiskey) . . . So now if I'm feeling weak, I won't go to the liquor store for her. (she doesn't drive)... But on days where I am not in the mood to drink (which are becoming more frequent.) I don't mind stopping in and getting her something. Just as long as she knows that some days I'll have to say no.

Journey40

Yes, we've done this so many times in the past. Last year I quit for about 3 months. He was still drinking at home around me after he promised he wouldn't since my drinking was causing a lot of problems. But I think he just got bored drinking by himself, and asked if I was going to ever drink again. That was it for my sobriety. I am trying again, and this time I told him about my decision to quit and about being on SR. I just don't want everyone around me to quit drinking just because I have a problem. It makes me feel like a victim. I know I'm walking on thin ice, but to tell you the truth, everytime my OH says, "A beer sure sounds good right about now", or something like that, I feel guilty that he can't enjoy a cold one. He has already given up brewing at our house, which used to be one of his hobbies.
The thing that is different this time around is that I have support through everyone on SR. It keeps me strong and helps me reflect back on my decision to quit. I have to keep reminding myself about the effects alcohol has on my body and my family. I was tempted so badly to drink again today on several occasions, but I prayed through it. I reminded myself that if I drink today, all my plans I had for today would go down the drain because I couldn't drive anywhere, and people would smell the alcohol on me. This is a tough journey to take. I hope someday I can help somebody going through something similiar...

1newcreation

Journey I sympathize w/ you coz I live w/ an alki spouse & its rough(not on me staying sober) but her spending & b******** about evthg. Based on your posting you can't quit on your own so why not tell him that you've joined an aa group near you & if he wants to join you, then good; if not, then go to it alone. I heard in a mtg the other day that sobriety is for yourself & no one else. If I'm not sober, then what good am I @ home, in the marketplace or society as a whole? Go to some women's mtgs & make new friends coz they've all been where u're @. Make sobriety u're priority & u'll never regret it
Hang in there coz the journey(pardon the pun) is going to be a thrill if chosen wisely

Lyoness

Just by being honest and posting all of this you are already helping folks! There may be someone who hasn't joined SR yet but is reading and will see themselves in your story. That is one of the great things about this place!

KUfan

7 and a half years ago I decided to quit drinking. I never had a slip...until 9 months ago. I started drinking again for no reason I can really understand. Six weeks ago I decided it absolutely had to end. I've slipped 2 times since then. It's been devastating, but the worst thing to do is beat myself up (which is incredibly tempting). I have to look back and assess what I can learn from each slip up in order to avoid them in the future. For example, I now know I can't go out for dinner alone when I travel. I also know I need to be around people that fully support my recovery as much as possible. From your story, it looks like you must avoid going to the liquor store for a while, if not forever to avoid another slip. If your husband loves you, he'll get his own damn beer!

fantail

I'm with you on that. My roommates still drink, I invite friends over for drinks, I meet people at bars, etc etc... I knew going in that if I was going to do this I was going to have to be OK with being around it if I didn't want to give up my social life (which I don't, at all). My friends all drink reasonably, not heavily, so when they drink around me I don't have anything to envy (since I'd rather be wasted).

I guess what I was wondering is if you've enlisted your husband's help in the sense of a little friendly peer pressure. It's not his job to stop you drinking, obviously... but he should know (and it sounds like now he does) that he should at least look at you sideways if you go for a drink. I know none of my friends would actually stop me if I insisted on having a drink, but I've made sure all of them know that I'm definitely not supposed to be drinking. It's like my emergency brake. If all else fails, I know that I'll make everyone around me slightly uncomfortable by drinking.

Glad you talked, and glad you found SR. It's made all the difference for me, too.

least

I hope you can get right back up on the wagon and stay on it.

Journey40

Thank you for all your support everyone :-)
My husband did question me when I told him I wanted to drink Saturday night. He said something like, "So you're gona waste the 3 weeks that you've been sober?" "I hope things don't go back to the way it was..." As he poured me a glass. I feel like I'm getting mixed messages, and maybe he's not quite sure he wants me to quit. I do agree with Fantail that you'd think he woul look at me sideways, and in a sense I guess he did when he questioned me, but that was about it.
Last year when I quit drinking, we agreed that it's not a good influence to drink infront of our kids, and he slowly started to drink infront of them. Maybe I'm not putting my foot down enough, but my OH is so uptight and he seems to be a friendlier person, especially towards my 2 teenage boys (his stepsons).
We also have a 3-year-old girl together and he has a son who is graduating highschool this year. I guess the booze helps take the edge off the blended family issues, which is ongoing and unresolved. I now know that although drinking a glass of wine when his son comes over helped me with the huge anxiety I got, it didn't help when I was nursing my third glass when I had to tell my husband that I didn't like the way his son behaved towards me. Anyway, that's another chapter of my life.
Sorry this post is all over he place, but I'm so frustrated with my life. I just want to be content. I'm gona start thinking of things I'm thankful for instead of complaining...

mmhoule

I feel like everyone walks on eggshells around me. We went on vacation a few weeks ago to visit my parents in Florida. I didn't dare order a beer, but we were on the beach and it was beautiful, so I ordered an O'Douls. Man did that taste good! But I felt guilty the whole time. So of course, my husband has to say, when we are away from my parents, Do you need it that bad? So then I felt even worse. I didn't crave anything after having it, it just tasted good. When we go out to dinner I assure my family that they can drink and I'm not going to flip out and go into shakes and drool...that's how they make me feel, like I am diseased (haha, I am, right?)...seriously, treat me like a human being who has a problem, not someone who has some life threatening illness I'm going to spread around.

Talk to your husband. You have to hopefully compromise. Ask him if you not drinking makes him feel bad or even like he is missing out on something. Does he resent you? I feel like my husband does...I may be wrong, but it's worth a shot.

mmhoule

Silly thought...does your husband maybe have a drinking problem?

joy1984

I understand feeling like you're receiving mixed messages. My DOC is opiates. I live at home with my parents who are both prescribed opiate painkillers. My parents constantly tell me I need to get clean, but whenever I run out of drugs and start to withdrawal they'll give me their pills. I think it's important to consider the impossible situation we put our families in. I used to think my parents were partly to blame for my continuing drug abuse, but then I realized they were just dealing with a bad situation in the best way they knew how. They don't like me using drugs but they don't like seeing me suffer. Enabling? Maybe. But I put them in a corner they should never have to be in. I think our families suffer more from our addiction and our resulting behaviors than we do.

That said, I find it appalling that your partner knows the depths of your addiction and still asks you to pick up alcohol for him. It's one thing for him to be ambivalent and confused about your drinking problem. It's quite another for him to expect you to stay sober whilst sending you to the liquor store on his behalf. If my partner asked me to go to the dopeman and buy a couple bags of heroin for him, there's no way in hell I could do that and stay clean. Maybe your partner should consider al-anon. Or at least seriously consider how his behavior is affecting you and your sobriety.

Journey40

I don't think he has a problem...he usually has 1-2 beers per day, everyday. I'm assuming he's not drinking on the job because I haven't smelled alcohol on him when he comes home. That being said, he seemed to be craving it when there was no beer in the house. Maybe he's borderlining.
Joy-as parents, we don't want to see our kids suffer. However, tough love is needed in certain situations. Have you ever been to rehab? I've never been addicted to opiates, but can image how easily I would be addicted. I had to take Percocet after removing all four of my wisdom teeth, and got a short high before falling asleep.
No one knows I have this problem except for my husband and one of my close friends, who is also an alcoholic. I shared with her about SR, hoping she would join me in this sobriety journey. She calls herself a "functioning alcoholic", so I don't think she's ready to quit just yet.
Maybe I'm not ready yet too; but I am no functioning alcoholic and know I have been enjoying waking up every morning hangover-free and guilt-free!