PinotNOmore

...where I'm struggling to accept that I have to deal with this problem. I am having full blown arguments with myself. Half of me is saying how it is impossible to accept the fact that alcohol cannot be a part of my life, the other half telling me why it is so much better to not drink. I'm under 30 years old and I can't imagine never ordering a glass of wine at dinner again, having a cocktail at a wedding reception, a cold beer on the beach, or a glass of champagne on new years. I have spent the last ten + years figuring out what "beverage" goes perfectly with each and every occasion, and I'm finding it difficult to believe I can live a normal life without booze. I've been sober 15 days. All of which were happy and pleasant and I got through dinners and days at the pool with out caving. Why now, on a Monday afternoon am I reeling with despair and doubt and frustration?? Can I really believe that I will not drink for the next 60 years if I'm lucky enough to live that long?? Is quitting now basically setting me up for failure eventually? I can feel the stupidity in this logic even as I write this... If I'm bound to drink again eventually... why not have a drink tonight?!

doggonecarl

There is a life after booze. But it takes more than 15 days sober to believe it, and to accept it.

Stay strong.

Anna

Your disease is noticing that you are winning. It's letting you know that it won't go quietly. I think there is always an intense period in the first months when the addict voice speaks very, very loudly.

hypochondriac

What happens when you drink PinotNOmore? Are the negative consequences really worth enduring for the few occasions when drinking seems to fit an occasion. I could always manage drinking with some semblance of dignity on those occasions so it was harder to imagine not doing it, but then everything was tainted by the fact I was drinking every other available time. When I think about drinking at a friends wedding or something I always think of the times before when I felt awful on those occasions because I couldn't drink properly, despite feeling sick from the previous nights drinking.

If you leave the door open for drinking even a little bit then your AV will start kicking off big time. Ignore every other thought and just concentrate on the fact that you don't drink anymore. You don't have to drink, and that's a good thing x

Mark03

I hear what your saying. Having the same debate with myself regularly! Ive been drinking and binging for nearly 20 years daily.

The thought of life without booze sounds unbearable. But, the thought of getting wasted again, not remembering what ive done, the guilt, shame i bring on myself and much more importantly, hurting my dear wife and family anymore by them having to see me in such a state is a much worse feeling. Im not only quitting the booze but im quitting being a selfish git.

I have been reading many threads on here and have read a lot of positives of people getting their lives back and living happily. Thats where im going and im determined, whatever that takes.

Only day 11 for me but 11 days with no booze!! And im already starting to feel better.

Its going to be a roller coaster but we can get there...just like loads of others have.

Goodluck and keep positive...tell the AV to jog on!

Mark

tomsteve

im in AA. these are the 9th step promises:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away.Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

early on i thouhgt, "dam straight they are extravagant!!!!"
for the 1st month or so, i was so miserable i didnt want anything to do with alcohol. but then when the fog left and my brain was starting to fire again, i had a serious fight to not take that 1st drink. i had some battles with the mental mayhem. i have the disease of alcoholism. it is a disease that tells me i dont have a disease, everythings allright, go on and have a drink. its a liar.
one thing i was very fortunate for is that i didnt completely destroy my memory and remember a lot of the gloom, dispair, and misery, so i kept on fighting the urge.
sure enough, after some time, i made i through one whole day without event thinking about a drink!! now, them promises i mentioned- they are talkin about halfway through the 9th step, but man!! gettin through one whole day without even thinkin about a drink was a new freedom!!!

each and every promise has happened for me( a lot more than what i mentioned). getting sober is a fight. it was a fight for my life. staying sober has been pretty easy.

keep fightin!!

PinotNOmore

Thanks everyone. I know my mind is trying to trick me, but it's being ever so convincing at the moment. I think I have left the "door" cracked open and I probably need to shut it completely. Just gotta make it through the next few hours. Eventually this feeling will pass... I hope!

SoberD

Does it usually turn out to be just one? If so, then by all means - however, I think we are all here because it doesn't stop at one - moderation seems to work (for me) for some very brief period of time and then devolves into familiar chaos...