My brother is drinking again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 160
My brother is drinking again
I have successfully completed my day 2. I have been feeling pretty good today, hopeful and determined.
Though now I am greatly annoyed that my brother has been drinking all day and I can hear him in the other room setting his glass down hard repeatedly on the table and going out and smoking every 15-30 minutes and it's past 1am. He thinks he is being considerate by hiding his wine bottle, but it's really quite obvious to me, as an alcoholic can pretty easily tell when someone else is drinking. I am worried that he is going to get in the way of my sobriety. Starting to feel some of those agitated emotions arise. I asked him to quit drinking in my home the last time I tried to clean up. He thinks that being "covert" is just as good. When I called him on it, I had already picked up again for other reasons (After a fight with my husband and thinking I could be a normal drinker for the day [haha that lying dark passenger of mine]). His reply to me was, "I figured you probably knew, You didn't really expect me to quit drinking, did you?" He moved over here from Oregon to stay with me not that long ago and hadn't seen him in years. We were pretty close friends growing up. He is on disability after losing his son to cancer. I suspect he is an alcoholic too, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't think so. I don't want to cause conflict or kick him out, but this is making me really angry! I am not good with this confrontational stuff. I am starting to think that maybe this could have had more to do with me picking up again than I originally thought?
Though now I am greatly annoyed that my brother has been drinking all day and I can hear him in the other room setting his glass down hard repeatedly on the table and going out and smoking every 15-30 minutes and it's past 1am. He thinks he is being considerate by hiding his wine bottle, but it's really quite obvious to me, as an alcoholic can pretty easily tell when someone else is drinking. I am worried that he is going to get in the way of my sobriety. Starting to feel some of those agitated emotions arise. I asked him to quit drinking in my home the last time I tried to clean up. He thinks that being "covert" is just as good. When I called him on it, I had already picked up again for other reasons (After a fight with my husband and thinking I could be a normal drinker for the day [haha that lying dark passenger of mine]). His reply to me was, "I figured you probably knew, You didn't really expect me to quit drinking, did you?" He moved over here from Oregon to stay with me not that long ago and hadn't seen him in years. We were pretty close friends growing up. He is on disability after losing his son to cancer. I suspect he is an alcoholic too, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't think so. I don't want to cause conflict or kick him out, but this is making me really angry! I am not good with this confrontational stuff. I am starting to think that maybe this could have had more to do with me picking up again than I originally thought?
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
If at all possible, try putting this off until you're through with the first couple of weeks. I know I was all over the place for the first month and am glad I had no big decisions to make.
My living situation is different, because it's not family and there's no history, but I live with roommates who still drink and keep alcohol in the house. When I decided to quit I thought seriously about moving out. But I decided that disrupting my home life and leaving my very good roommates was a bigger risk to my sobriety than being around alcohol. I'm never tempted by the booze in the house because deep down I know that if I can't be around it, then I have to move out, and I don't want that.
It seems like you're in a similar spot. Your sobriety is your priority, and I guess you will need to figure out whether being in the house with your brother while he's drinking or asking him to leave/having a fight is the bigger risk. But again, if at all possible, try to give yourself a little more time before you make a big decision like that.
My living situation is different, because it's not family and there's no history, but I live with roommates who still drink and keep alcohol in the house. When I decided to quit I thought seriously about moving out. But I decided that disrupting my home life and leaving my very good roommates was a bigger risk to my sobriety than being around alcohol. I'm never tempted by the booze in the house because deep down I know that if I can't be around it, then I have to move out, and I don't want that.
It seems like you're in a similar spot. Your sobriety is your priority, and I guess you will need to figure out whether being in the house with your brother while he's drinking or asking him to leave/having a fight is the bigger risk. But again, if at all possible, try to give yourself a little more time before you make a big decision like that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
NotSoIvory: you might get more specific support at the forum http://http://www.soberrecovery.com/...ly-alcoholics/
Congratulations for your efforts at sobriety. I know you can do it, and continue on to lead a healthy life.
It seems already that your focus is shifted from your own recovery to your brother's. No matter what program we work we want to remain focused on ourselves, otherwise we can't work on ourselves. Trying to change other people's thinking and behavior is fruitless.
I can't give advice about your situation but is it truly in your best interest to be living with him? As shown he's not going to change for you. Maybe for you to seek a transitional living situation or living by yourself, or even with someone in recovery?
Best to you and a speedy recovery.
Congratulations for your efforts at sobriety. I know you can do it, and continue on to lead a healthy life.
It seems already that your focus is shifted from your own recovery to your brother's. No matter what program we work we want to remain focused on ourselves, otherwise we can't work on ourselves. Trying to change other people's thinking and behavior is fruitless.
I can't give advice about your situation but is it truly in your best interest to be living with him? As shown he's not going to change for you. Maybe for you to seek a transitional living situation or living by yourself, or even with someone in recovery?
Best to you and a speedy recovery.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
That's an unfortunate situation. Being around people who are drinking when you're first trying to get sober can make it a more difficult. But when it comes right down to it, only you can raise the glass to your mouth. No one can actually make you drink.
It would be nice if we could make a wish and we got better; or the people we care about got better. It doesn't work like that. Your brother will stop drinking when he is ready. You can still get sober regardless of what he is doing.
Best of Luck!
It would be nice if we could make a wish and we got better; or the people we care about got better. It doesn't work like that. Your brother will stop drinking when he is ready. You can still get sober regardless of what he is doing.
Best of Luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 160
Thank you to each of you for your insights and support. I've been thinking about it.
I've considered this, but I really do not think that is the case. I feel like I do not have a safe place I can go to. I feel like my home should be a safe place I can come home to, but every night I am coming home to a drunk environment. I had to get up for work early today, but didn't get much sleep because by the time I need to go to bed, he is getting his drunken, loud energy surge. You know, at that point where you get all excited and talkative and want to hear really loud music... He has had a couple of girlfriends since he's been here and is always willing to not drink when he stays with them because they don't approve, and I am starting to feel really resentful that he doesn't give me the same respect.
This is my home... I can't afford to live somewhere else and don't have a car to get to work either. If it were to come down to it, I'd have to kick him out, which I would feel completely awful for. Sigh.
This URL doesn't work. :/
Originally Posted by wiscsober 
It seems already that your focus is shifted from your own recovery to your brother's. No matter what program we work we want to remain focused on ourselves, otherwise we can't work on ourselves. Trying to change other people's thinking and behavior is fruitless.
Originally Posted by wiscsober
I can't give advice about your situation but is it truly in your best interest to be living with him? As shown he's not going to change for you. Maybe for you to seek a transitional living situation or living by yourself, or even with someone in recovery?
Originally Posted by wiscsober
NotSoIvory: you might get more specific support at the forum http://http://www.soberrecovery.com/...ly-alcoholics/
This URL doesn't work. :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by fantail
If at all possible, try putting this off until you're through with the first couple of weeks. I know I was all over the place for the first month and am glad I had no big decisions to make.
My living situation is different, because it's not family and there's no history, but I live with roommates who still drink and keep alcohol in the house. When I decided to quit I thought seriously about moving out. But I decided that disrupting my home life and leaving my very good roommates was a bigger risk to my sobriety than being around alcohol. I'm never tempted by the booze in the house because deep down I know that if I can't be around it, then I have to move out, and I don't want that.
It seems like you're in a similar spot. Your sobriety is your priority, and I guess you will need to figure out whether being in the house with your brother while he's drinking or asking him to leave/having a fight is the bigger risk. But again, if at all possible, try to give yourself a little more time before you make a big decision like that.
My living situation is different, because it's not family and there's no history, but I live with roommates who still drink and keep alcohol in the house. When I decided to quit I thought seriously about moving out. But I decided that disrupting my home life and leaving my very good roommates was a bigger risk to my sobriety than being around alcohol. I'm never tempted by the booze in the house because deep down I know that if I can't be around it, then I have to move out, and I don't want that.
It seems like you're in a similar spot. Your sobriety is your priority, and I guess you will need to figure out whether being in the house with your brother while he's drinking or asking him to leave/having a fight is the bigger risk. But again, if at all possible, try to give yourself a little more time before you make a big decision like that.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Come on over to Friends and Family for support for this, too.
Here's the link
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Here's the link
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 139
Not to sound mean, but it sounds like he needs to go. He's a grown man wanting to do grown man things, and that's his prerogative, but he needs to have his own place if he wants to continue doing them. You are absolutely right that you deserve to feel safe and comfortable in your own home. I'm in a situation where I dread coming home most of the time, so I feel for you. Don't let him ruin this good thing you have going, and don't feel like you owe him anything. He sounds quite capable of getting what he wants and controlling himself when he has enough motivation. Stay strong! Congrats on 2 days! 
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