Loaded again
 

Hello folks. I am new to the site here, but not to addiction or to recovery. I was doing great as long as I was in my program which kept close watch on me and I had surprise pee tests, then when I got out of my program I found myself drinking a beer, still happy to be "free from addiction"......pretty soon my addict mind kicked in and I found myself loaded again.....off and on for a year and half now. Today my husband discovered what was going on and needless to say he is furious. As he has every right to be. I am lost again. I know what I need to do, but getting my butt out of my stink is the hard part. I know I need to go to meeting and get connected again, which is why I am looking here. My loathing, self-misery, hatred of myself, disgust and disgrace keep me in my funk!

There should be no self-misery. Falling off the wagon is just one more step to recovery. Hold your head up! I promise you are worth the work!

Thanks so much! That literally brought tears to my eyes. I just keep kicking myself.....I don't know how I got here again

Welcome notachoice! I agree - no self-loathing allowed. It gets us nowhere. I had to stop the remorse and guilt because it led me back to drinking every time.

It sounds like you're ready to get back on track - and this is a great place to begin your journey. We all understand what you're going through. Keep posting and reading here - we care about you. :)

Thanks, I feel rejuvenated as I did when I left a meeting. Tomorrow is a new day and I shall overcome this mess.

welcome to SR notachoice :)

D